Toronto area Barbies

<snort> For my Tarana brethren here at A2K:

Barbie Dolls Inc. Announces The Release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Toronto Area Market:


Forest Hill Barbie: This 'Princess Barbie' is only sold at Yorkdale Mall (at selected stores only). She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a 2 Million dollar house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift, spa certificates for Tiba, and a workaholic cheating husband Dr.Ken.

Thornhill Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan (traffic jamming cell phone sold separately). She gets lost easily, and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. You can find this Barbie walking the beach in the mornings or trying to work off her extra pounds at Just Ladies Fitness. Optional matching gym outfit.

Regent Park Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a slammed Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows and a Methadone Clinic Ken. Also available in a jailbird version with orange coveralls.

Yorkville Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, and for an added bonus, a $200,000, 400 square foot bachelorette pad. She walks her Chiuwawa, named Pookie every morning to Starbucks for her Grande, double shot, skinny, sugar-free vanilla latte. Also available, numerous Platinum credit cards and Shallow-Ken. You can find this Barbie at Yorkville Yoga Studio 3 times a week. This Barbie takes Pookie to her job as a Financial Analyst.

Brampton Barbie: This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's a$$ when she's drunk. A pickup is available with Country Radio bumper stickers.

Scarborough Barbie: This version has a mouth that is firmly closed so as not to show her summer teeth, Daisy Dukes and a half T-shirt that guarantees you can see her navel piercing and at least 5 tattoos. It swears incessantly and is not recommended for children. She is a highschool drop-out, and has never made it out of what she calls "the rockin' groove".

Hamilton Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still has not learned that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with no pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you chase your beer gutted mullet wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted and BIG. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi, and a 1996 Camaro Z-28.

Ajax Barbie: This Barbie is the same model of Barbie that was released in 1982. She comes with shoulder pads, dark Polyester skirt, white pantyhose and a bad haircut. Options include a Rick James T-shirt, Wal-Mart purse and outdated shoes.

Keswick Barbie: This flannel wearing Barbie comes with her own 4-H ribbon collection, brown pick up truck and blue eye shadow. She's a country girl at heart with cow manure odoured boots (scratch and sniff the soles for a realistic dose of country fun). Cowboy Ken is toothless and also clad in red and black flannel check shirt. You can find Cowboy Ken making a fool of himself in the stands at local hockey games.

Queen West Barbie: This chemically treated, black with red streaked hair Barbie, with her Burberry handbag and matching scarf, comes with a hot little Mercedes with Hello Kitty stuffed toys on the dash, funded directly from her rich Grandparents. This one of a kind Barbie also comes with an unlimited amount of Platinum credit cards. Speed-loving Ken is also available with the choice of a souped up Honda Civic or Subaru Impreza.

"The Beach" Barbie: This Barbie is usually found shopping on Queen East in her Lululemon yoga outfit and carrying a bag of fresh organic veggies from 'Choices' with her snowboarding shaggy haired boyfriend Ken. On weekends you can find this Barbie babe at The Sushi Eatery with a swarm of Barbie friends. You can purchase this Barbie's torn Levi's, buffalo sweater and crocheted purse for her laid-back days.

Church Street Ken You can purchase this special Ken at select Boys Co. stores, and he comes complete with a tight black shirt and leather pants. Ken is usually found struttin' down Church or dancin' at the one of the many bars. Barbie not available in this area.

High Park Barbie: This Barbie has recently been divorced. She comes with Ken's car, Ken's boat, and Ken's house.