Need some serious advice

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Before anyone replies,I am in need of serious advice***

I am a 25 year old guy and I have never had a past. I have fallen in love with a good friend of mine and after our regular family meets,all are asking us to marry.However,I don't have much experience with girls and here are the issues in between :

1) The girl is an extrovert and I am a calm,composed and an ambivert person though we gel along well.

2) She herself has told that she's had 1 relationship and kissed 3 guys,but I have come to know through her friends that there is something beyond this. (This shows she is secretive.Should I consider this not being truthful as I did expect her to tell me everything ? Does this show that she may cheat in future ?)

3) She has too many guy friends and she agrees that in general she's more compatible with boys than girls.Though not a red flag,I think this needs to be in its limits. My insecurity is when I am on business trips,I am finding it difficult to trust her completely as she's once kissed a guy only after 3 days of interaction.

4) She's confessed her love to me and has told me that she loves me madly and will stay loyal and stuff.But,I know that she is also capable of faking things and I am a bit gullible.(Though I am confident for the most part that she is not faking it). To those who wanna know why she may fake is that I am much superior in terms of financial status than her (not bragging here) and I know she does want to marry a rich guy though I don't look at this negatively as which girl doesn't want a secure future. I am only curious if it is mostly for the money or is me too.

5) After our first kiss and something beyond,I became attached to her while she was pretty casual about it and said that come on,it was just a kiss.I have heard girls become emotional after getting physical ? Obviously we are not in school and did not expect her to cry,but she acted like nothing really happened.

The good things : We have a good compatibility,chemistry and she adds spice to my life as she is a very energetic and lively person.She regrets everything of the past and is ready commit to me entirely for life(atleast she says so)

About me : I am a self made entrepreneur and never had enough time to fall into these things and have been single all my life. I just don't want to lose this girl but there are some red flags.

Please advice!

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@mackie678,

I think you are creating those red flags by this kind of jealousy and mistrust.
Theres a lot you can do to overcome all this baggage or else I don't see a lot of success.

By being the way you are, you can actually drive her to the things that you fear.

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@farmerman,

I agree 100%

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@mackie678,

I have a few questions :

- why is it at all important that she's had one relationship and kissed 3 guys? Even by age 20, that's a remarkably small number in todays world. Is there a religious or cultural reason this is an issue for you?

- why is it an issue that she is an extrovert and you an introvert? Is it an issue for her? Or for you? Or for you and her?

- are the male friend 'limits' the number of male friends, or the 'quality' of male friendships she has? I don't think you have a right to put a limit of the number of friends a person has. The type of friendship is a bit harder to define.

- if she has only been with one guy, that shows great restraint. Why then would trust be an issue while you are away on business trips?

A few thoughts :

A kiss is only a kiss - it's loving, and it's bonding, and it builds closeness...in small increments. But unless you are investing the kiss with a great deal more emotions (for example, all your hopes in it), that's all it is - a kiss.

I'd be rather sad about any woman who regrets her one past relationship (if it was anything that lasted any length of time). Every part of our life contributes to who we are now.

Personally, you seem to be from a different culture - so asking western advice without even mentioning your culture can invite all sorts of problematic advice.

I'd ask someone closer to home.

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What things of the past does she "regret"?

It seems she is much more experienced than you are and this is bothering you.
You are starting out late in life and she sounds like she has had a few more experiences than you do.

If you can't get over her "past" this will be a problem for you in the future.

Perhaps you need to find a girl who is much younger and not so experienced.

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This is going to sound callous...but truthfully, you do not sound mature enough for anything serious right now.

Not sure how you should go about getting the maturation needed...but this situation you described sounds to me like a train wreck waiting to happen.

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@Frank Apisa,

By the way...if it is a cultural thing, then everything I've just said it nonsense. I was assuming you were a 25 year old American...living in America.

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@Frank Apisa,

Im guessing India.

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@farmerman,

farmerman wrote:

Im guessing India.

Oh! Mackie, if you are from another nation...especially one with significant cultural differences in this area, you probably are asking questions of the wrong people.

I wish you good luck resolving this thing.

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@mackie678,

Wow this is very nice sharing. I am very impress to read this post. Thanks for this post. Smile

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Need some serious advice

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