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Wed 26 Jun, 2013 09:38 am
At the end of my first spring semester of college, my significant other and I got into a fight over the fact that he felt neglected and thought that I should try harder to give him more attention. At the time (dead week; finals week, family falling apart) I was deeply hurt by the fact that he could be so insensitive to all the things that were happening in my life AND not appreciate everything that I was trying to do despite all that. Granted I did what he wanted (angrily), I did also eventually tell him how that had made me feel.
During the time this was happening, and also any time we fight, it usually takes me a while to get back to a state where I'm comfortable being sexual with him again. Recently though it's been hard for me to even initiate anything, although that's always been a little difficult for me since I know he gets disappointed with how little I share in that regard. It's not that I don't feel physically attracted to him at all, I just have a hard time expressing that side of me through text message.
But anyway, as of late, he completely avoids the subject and I don't feel comfortable enough to initiate anything. Part of it being he will treat it with suspicion. I'm a bit confused as to what I should do.
@Bells93,
Why do you have to express this through text message? Are not in-person talks, phone calls and emails acceptable?
He's being pretty dang unreasonable. You care, you love him, you want to be intimate with him. If he treats that with suspicion, then he is the one with the problem. And you might want to rethink how you feel about him and his passive-aggressive ways.
@jespah,
Text message is more comfortable and easiest for us since we can't Skype or call often because of his parents. I think he's actually trying to be considerate of me because he knows I sometimes get uncomfortable but we had been doing alright for a while up until spring. It didn't feel like I was pressured, it felt normal and I was getting out of my shell more. I guess I just wish I knew how to get back there without him assuming I'm only doing it to please him. I'm doing it for myself too because I would like that
@Bells93,
Then tell him that. Tell him you're doing this because you love him, because it's fun, etc. and don't mention anything else. If he thinks it's due to a perceived obligation then that issue is in his head.
You don't say how old you two are - but how do you expect him to know your feelings? Is he a mind reader?
Say: "Hey, you know when we fight like this, I don't feel so good about us and I have a hard time feeling romantic with you. My feelings get hurt and you can't expect me to be sexy/lovey with you after that."
Young men can't read young women very well. You are going to have to SPEAK UP for yourself. Do that now!!
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