Disturbing Italian colleague and his imaginary girlfriend

YES! Follow your instincts!!!

Get out of it.

The boy band and secrecy stuff seems to be more towards that he's gay and worried about being outed -- hence the girlfriend.

But if you can get out of it, skedaddle.

Yes, get out of it.

BTW:

Do you/they at your company (?) do such regularily?

At one company I worked for there was this odd sort of guy that did not seem to fit in with the rest of us too. The most obvious was that he was much older than the majority. He was also divorced and had lots of pictures of his cats hanging up. He had an odd way of "latching" on to unsuspecting individuals and then they had a difficult time to get away from him. Being new, I was a good target. He asked me to lunch once for a day the following week. I thought hey what's the big deal and could not think of a reason not to go. I made the mistake and said yes. As they day approached I kept getting this sick feeling about going so I mentioned to a couple of people. They said "DON'T GO! It would be a big mistake." I made a lame excuse and told him I was busy. It kept approaching me and even offered to buy lunch if I couldn't afford it. No way. Last thing I needed was to be obligated in some way. I finally convinced him to leave me alone.

At a Christmas party this particular person, felt another significantly younger co-worker. Rubbing her arm and being a bit too close. She later brought this up to her manager and got the response you did. He's just a lonely man. Believe me this poor man (and I certainly felt sorry for him) had lots of issues. He ended up losing his job related to directly to not fulfilling his job responsibilities. I don't know what ended up happening to the poor guy.

My feeling is your gut may be saying something to you. If you do not care for him personally, then why should you make friends with him? I can understand being civil and respectful toward people you work with, but there should be no reason you have to be friendly outside of work especially if you feel uncomfortable about it.

d_e_r--

Obviously your co-worker is not "normal" and would probably benefit from some professional help. Are you and your head professionally trained to deal with off-the-wall staff members?

In your position, I would deal compassionately with him around the water cooler; hold him to standards as far as the work of the department goes and avoid personal contact off-the-job.

My motives would not be as much to avoid personal boredom (although that factors in) as to avoid muddying the waters in case it becomes necessary to discipline him or fire him.

Being a social novice he may well interpret your out-of-workplace concern into something it is not.

That's why I asked.

(I did so at the one or other opportunity: a) because I was elected to do so as [vice-] president of the worker's and employees committee, b) due to my profession (and thus, even mostly went with the placet of the employer as well as with the one from the other site. But this was all officially, during working hours, not private at all.)

By questioning yourself, you are already looking for a way out of this uncomfortable situation. Just because he is a colleague, you are not obligated to spend time with him socially.

Thanks, you guys.

I was brought along because, ages ago, I learnt how to counsel: hence, whenever there's a nutter, the head brings me as 'backup.' I work in a college, you see, so we get plenty of these 'unusual' people as visiting lecturers, etc. I never would have accepted-- and actually did not accept-- the second rendezvous, but my boss couldn't see the attention that this guy was giving to us both, and so roped us both in before she realized. My guess was that his 'girlfriend' 'Hazel' was his feminine side, or something; it was very weird that he should ask us to meet this elusive, imaginary girlfriend...

I am going to get out of it-- by saying that I couldn't get out of a family arrangement or something-- but I feel absolute fear for my head; she won't be able to get out of it, because she has a strong sense of pity and obligation, and feels that-- once a promise is made-- she literally can't break it. My only reason for going to 'meet' the 'girlfriend' would be to keep an eye on it all; what could he possibly Want to do??

What if Hazel lives in a coffin in his basement, and is perhaps his mother? Creepier things have happened. Now, the boy band sticker album is weird...what is he is some sort of obsessive pedophile? It seems here that all roads will lead to further strangeness, and I would beg off.

I don't think that any woman should go alone to meet this "girlfriend". Can your Compassionate Head borrow a German Shepherd? Or a struggling athlete who needs brownie points?


On the other hand if she refuses to accept your educated opinion and gut feelings, perhaps going solo would be educational?

If this happens be sure that someone knows when she enters his apartment, how long she plans to stay, and at the slightest hint of
trouble--or unexpected overtime--can pound on the door.

Meeting him alone on his own ground seems terribly risky.