Is this that 7 year itch or what?

I've been married for almost 7 years after meeting my husband online and dating/engaged after 90 days. At the time I met my husband I had suffered a traumatic rape and I got pregnant and decided to keep my daughter (I was pregnant when we met). His dating profile said he was in military, divorced, with 2 kids. I was apprehensive at first but decided to at least get to know him. After the rape I felt like I was drowning and need someone to save me ( I now know that I needed healing time), but instead I sought companionship. He asked me out on a date and I accepted. We had been chatting on the phone for about 2 weeks and it was good to be able to vent to someone. In the back of my mind I wanted security, someone to help me raise my daughter. I wasnt looking for love because I was broken, so I just went along with it. I talked about marriage with him and he assured me that he will take care of me and my daughter and thats all I wanted at the time so I felt that I needed to secure it through marriage. I could hear his apprehension but I guess he wanted to make me happy so he went with it. I had my daughter (he was away at school, and I didnt give her his last name) and he continues to be angry about it and I told him we wasn't married yet and I wasnt sure where we were going to go. He continues to bring up how I didnt notify him that I had given birth but it was my first child and I really didnt know I was going to give birth that day. I had her in June and we got married in August and we found out he was deploying in October. I also found out I was pregnant again in October, so emotionally I was a wreck. He told me that his divorce decree stated he had custody of our son and he wanted him to move in with us and I said could it wait until he came home from deployment but he insisted on moving him in before because he felt that the situation with his biological mother was not fit. So being the supportive wife I just went with it. It was hard because my son rebelled and I had two small children at home. I was losing my mind. I felt so unappreciated and taken for granted. Well when he came home from deployment his/our daughter came. I never really had a say so in the decision making when it comes to them so I just let things run its course all the while I was unhappy with the way things were playing out. The wall I had up kept get higher. I felt alone, we struggled communicating, and I felt like I had made a huge mistake but wanted to at least try for the children. There have been times i've noticed he has carried out emotional affairs with different women, and he has made me believe he's seeing other women, but when I ask him about it he diflects or gets angry and I just say forget it. I admit I have reached out to males for emotional support but it was because I wasnt getting it.

Then there is the sex. His complaint is he is tired of initiating sex with me. He doesnt feel wanted, but these are all the feelings I have dealt with throughout our marriage. I was never the initiater and now its a problem. He says he goes out of his way with flowers and little things but I've always told him hugs, I love yous, and little things like that make me feel appreciated over any matrial thing but he only brings up the matrial notions he do. He also says that I only do things for him after he does them for me which is true and I wonder if its because of the foundation in which our marriage was started. We sleep in seperate beds now and I still find it hard to give myself to him. I dont feel attractive or attracted to him. I understand he's tired. He use to give me compliments and I would shut them down with a negative comment like oh this makes me look fat and i guess after the constant shut down he just figure why bother. Both of us have had separate times we voiced our unhappiness and when I did we went to counseling but it got us nowhere and this time he refuses to go because he says all he is askin for is for me to touch him and initiate sex with him but there are underlying issues that are preventing me from being so forthcoming. I just feel so bad because I see the pain in his face daily and I know what it feels like because I have been there. I just don't know what to do.