A conversation I just had with a total stranger at Target, and tsar's video below, prompted me to start this thread....If you haven't watched this already, take a look. It'll help with what I'm saying.
http://emilyvgordon.tumblr.com/post/50668854293/the-most-genius-thing-ive-ever-seen-on-tv
When I watched tsar's video I thought it was funny, the things women would say responding to a simple compliment. However, I really didn't get why all the women had to kill themselves at the end, when the last woman simply said "Thank you" when she got her compliment.
I think now I get it, and it ain't funny.
I just stopped by Target to buy sheets, and was standing in line and glanced back and smiled at the woman behind me. She was bending over getting some Reeses Peanut Butter cups, and some other candy. She was actually a tiny bit smaller than average size, and about my age, mid-50's. She looked fit, like she took care of herself.
When she caught my eye, she quickly stood up, and putting her hands out, like she was offering me her candy said "I hate myself that I'm buying this."
Instead of replying with the expected "Oh yeah, I know." or something like that, I said "Why? You want them don't you?"
It was like that completely shocked her. She actually stammered for a moment and said "er...umm....there're so BAD for you."
Me:
But you want them. Why should you deny yourself the pleasure of getting something you want?
She:
I....I used to weigh 199 pounds! (I found it interesting that she didn't just say 200 pounds, like that would somehow be beyond forgivable. Saved from perdition by 1 pound.)
Me:
I weigh 199 pounds.
(actually, I weigh 185, but you get the idea, I'm big, and I'm fine with it. More than fine, I like me right where I am)
She:
Oh! (shocked look....like she suddenly saw me standing in front of her...all 199 pounds of me).....I just meant.....well......you look fine....
Me:
You want the candy. Why not just get it and enjoy it? Are you going to worry about every bite of food you take and hate yourself for it?
She:
I....I work in the health care field, and someone I take care of just went in the hospital....
Me:
You're getting the candy because the person you take care of went in the hospital?
She:
No! (then..., not getting the connection, she said) Someone else I took care of died last year.
Me:
You're getting the candy because they died?
She:
No....
Me:
I work at a hospice, and people die all the time.
Why not just get the candy because you want it, and eat it and enjoy it? You're not going to be 199 pounds because you eat that.
She:
Well.....it's just so easy to gain....
At this point, I'm watching the woman behind her silently laughing. Mostly because she weighed 199 pounds too. So I thought "what the ****" and just threw the curtains open, and all the lights on.
"Are you afraid if you eat that you'll look like me, or the woman behind you? We're about the same size. How about it you skip the hating yourself for doing something you enjoy, and just do the enjoying part?"
She:
"Well....it's just that.....Oh....God bless you! Thank you for saying that...."
Me:
Well thanks. I hope you enjoy your candy. (at this point, I've just paid for my sheets and was getting ready to leave)
She:
It's just that this is so bad, I hate that I'm getting this....
Oh Jesus Christ.
I know a one time conversation with someone in the check out line may not permanently change anything. But, it was so sad when I thought how much we are trained to mistrust ourselves, hate ourselves for doing something enjoyable. Our fear of not conforming to some invented standard.
Why don't we just skip the hating ourselves part, and go straight to the enjoyment?
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