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This girl i like thinks she's unlikable

 
 
gino R
 
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 01:26 pm
i like this girl but she tries so hard to get me to stop liking her because she thinks she's unlikable and not a good person. but she is, what do i do?, how do i convince her that she's a great person?
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,319 • Replies: 14
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Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 02:39 pm
@gino R,
Hang in there, be patient with her and allow her to mature and get over her inferiority complex. The change she needs to make has to come from within HER...not you.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 02:48 pm
@gino R,
You can't. Tell her to call you when she feels like she wants to interact with another person. She sounds self-absorbed and so into herself that she can't have a relationship.

Don't spend your time trying to change anyone.

Tell her to get over herself. People like her suck the energy from you anyway.
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vonny
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 02:52 pm
@gino R,
Keep telling her... again and again and again. There must be some reason she feels so unlovely - does she get on badly with her family, or is she bullied by schoolmates/workmates? Has she got something on her conscience? Something is eating away at her confidence, and all you can do is try to help her overcome it. Be ready to forgive her freely for whatever it is that's troubling her. Good luck, you sound like a nice and caring guy.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 02:56 pm
@gino R,
Furthermore, in some cases, parents aren't helping children develop their self-esteem...sometimes either due to neglect, abuse or just poor parenting skills. However, a young or even a not-so-young boyfriend (assuming you're young) can't change years of her hearing that she's not good enough.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 02:58 pm
Hang around here enough and you will read about people who picked up "wounded birds" and tried to raise their self esteem - only to be hurt themselves.

You don't say how old you are.

Do you want to spend all this energy on this gal when there are lots of others who would like your attention?
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 02:59 pm
Also, don't get into a dynamic where you are continually building up the other person. Those are lousy relationships as eventually the builder realizes they aren't getting anything out of it.
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gino R
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 03:04 pm
@PUNKEY,
well i just talked to her and from what she said maybe (just maybe) she thinks she's unlikable because she keeps comparing herself to other people in our school. but from my point of view, sure there are some girls that may look just a little bit prettier than her but all of those girls have really bad attitudes.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 03:11 pm
@gino R,
That is just how life is. There are and will always be some who are smarter, more attractive, richer and you-name-it. Life is not about how you are comparing with others but how you are liking yourself and achieving what you can accomplish with your own natural unique qualities.

Nothing you can say or do will help change matters or change her to a person who does not inherently believe in herself.
vonny
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 03:15 pm
@gino R,
You may be young, but you have a good attitude. I stand by what I said earlier - keep telling her how great you think she is. She needs a friend like you, not someone who will drain her self-confidence. Be patient and kind and try to convince her that she is as pretty as any other girl in your eyes. Don't give up on her just yet.
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gino R
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 03:16 pm
@Ragman,
well she has great parents no one ever tells her she's not good enough. the only major bad thing i see in her is that she thinks she's unlikable. i mean she considers me her best guy friend even after i told her that i have feelings for her.
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 03:26 pm
@gino R,
Personally, I would never guess about what behavior actually goes in her household. Have you actually met her parents and seen how they interact or are you taking her word for it that they treat her right and help her build self-esteem? It is possible that she might be covering up. She got this poor self image from somewhere and it didn't happen overnight.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sat 18 May, 2013 04:10 pm
@gino R,
Quote:
un-likeable and not a good person... Thinks of you as her besty guy friend.

Is it possible Gino that she is happy going with the flow of school, relationships with people but not at the stage where she wants a relationship in that manner, full stop.

Sounds that way to me in what you are saying above. Not ready full stop, your her mate, she wants to keep it that way ... Doesn't mean that she won't change that thought pattern further down the track but doesn't sound to me as if she is ready to take that step in her life now.

It's not a good person that makes me think that, she is saying she doesn't want to hurt you, she doesn't see you that way at this point.
gino R
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Jul, 2013 09:33 am
@FOUND SOUL,
yeah maybe your right, well a week ago she admitted to having feelings for me for about 2 months, yesterday she wanted to stop since school was here, i got a little emotional then we started arguing now we dont talk as much and shes slightly irritated with me. im so confused and i dont know what to do now
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Jul, 2013 04:45 pm
@gino R,
So she has feelings for you but school is important to her and then you argued that point with her, wanting it your way yes? Wink

Apologise to her would be my first step, sounds as if you argued and then quit talking properly and she's irritated maybe, because she finally spoke and it ended in non-understanding of her needs and led to an argument.

That's not the fairy tale she would have expected, having admitting she had feelings for you..

Remember, relationships are nurtured. Both parties are important. Compromise is part and parcel. And all a girl wants when she gains feelings is to dream, smile, be happy - not argue and lastly, it does appear that school is important to her and that's a good thing...

Maybe suggest after you apologise that you hang out on Sundays, support her in her decision to concentrate with school and tell her that you are proud of that and she is going to go places in life. Let the rest fall in together. Patience.
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