In a relationship but have feelings for someone else!

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I LOVE my borfriend and never want to let go of him but I have always had feelings for this guy. I have known him for 4 years and we have messed around a bit and we have this weird relationship; an off and on type. Suddenly, when he finds out I am in a relationship with a person close to him, he gets a girlfriend ansd claims to love her when everyone (my mates and his) knows that he doesn't. I have always has a little feelings for him and when i suggest to just be civil with him, he wants to stop talking to me because he doesn't want to fall for me again. This complicates everything because the day after he talks to me then stops again. I am not jealous of his girlfriend but i'm not sure if it is because i know he doesn't like her like that. Also, 2 days ago i saw him on his own and he looked depressed, i felt fellings for him arise and it has been carrying on. I do now know what to do and for the past 2 weeks i have had dreams about him, some more erotic than others. I want to move on and be with the one I love. I know my boyfriend is completely in love with me, and me him but it is unfair on him and I want to be the best girlfriend for him. What can I do?

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@lalala123,

Give both men a break and move along.

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@ossobuco,

Well, that was mean of me.

Have you and your boyfriend promised to be faithful to each other?

Just because you "date" someone doesn't mean you owe them the rest of your days. I think part of the world's ills is that people do this too easily.

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Yes, you do "love" your boyfriend and along comes this nagging "lust" that you just can't put down. Besides, he unavailabel and so are you, so it's all so exciting.

Either break up with your boyfriend and get this settled once and for all -
Or realize that it may be a fantasy and don't let it grow to anything more.

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@ossobuco,

Yeah we have and I have always had these feleings for the other peroson, it was just buried underneath and came out 2 days ago.

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@lalala123,

Grow up! That may sound unkind, but it does seem that you want to have your cake and eat it. If you were really and truly in love with your boyfriend, then you wouldn't be fantasising about another guy. What you appear to want is your boyfriend to carry on loving you, BUT also to have another string to your bow - a back-up in case you need someone to fall back on. I suggest that you aren't in love at all - you simply want to play the field. Okay, do that, but don't damage your ex's chances of a happy relationship with someone else just because of your own insecurities. You sound young - have fun (but try not to hurt anyone along the way).

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@lalala123,

I'm with osso, take a break from both of them and get your head right. You can't see anything clearly right now.

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@lalala123,

Quote:

I have known him for 4 years and we have messed around a bit and we have this weird relationship; an off and on type.

It's obvious that, that relationship never went anywhere, will not go anywhere, or else it would have happened somewhere along the line over those 4 years.

I'd imagine there was some element of excitement with this person because it was on, off, on and off........and 4 years of doing that is a long time.

Fantasy over lust, of what was in my opinion is causing this. If you were to truly sit down and see the picture without your current boyfriend and back into this on, off, on, off.... I think you would cringe and see loneliness as well as what you gave up.... (about to) .... Then it would be clear and you can move on, with your boyfriend.

Lust is important to be maintained in a relationship, if you feel you are missing that, it's time to re-create it within your current relationship..

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In a relationship but have feelings for someone else!

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