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How many pairs of animals did Moses put in his ark?

 
 
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 12:48 am
A. 1000
B. 100000
C. 10000000
D. FAR ABOVE THAT!
E. Of course nobody knows that!
F. It was Noah.
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 5,988 • Replies: 25
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Lordyaswas
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 01:37 am
@ShadowKnight,
The nearest answer is B.

The actual figure was 103,472 pairs, but he failed to realise that the Unicorns he brought on board were both males, hence the reason that they are extinct today.
ShadowKnight
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 01:41 am
@Lordyaswas,
Moses? Are you sure it was Moses? Very Happy

By the way Noah built an ark too and he decided to get the animals alphabetically... Sadly time ran short.

And thus we dearly miss the Yatzybird and the Zyclop (now believed to be a mythological beast misspelled as Cyclops while it originally was a one eyed gorilla of sorts)

Oh, the Zebra? Meh, Pajamahorses came right after the Panda`s

Moses built an ark? Smile)
0 Replies
 
Lordyaswas
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 01:49 am
You've got it wrong, I think.

Wasn't Noah the one who first climbed K2 to get holy instructions from St Bono of Ireland?
roger
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 01:52 am
@Lordyaswas,
Noaa was actually a weatherman.
ShadowKnight
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 02:10 am
@roger,
Actually Actually Noah was the plumber aboard the Titanic (yeah its all in the goooooooooooood old bible) lets just say he was unable to stop the leak.

Luckily there where no animals aboard, just Leonardo Di Caprio, Justin Bieber and Chuck Norris... the latter swam home.

I believe you can read it in the Chuck Norris letters 6.66.
0 Replies
 
ShadowKnight
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 02:15 am
@Lordyaswas,
Nah that was Jesus.

Noah was the old geezer that is today known as Chuck Norris, and yeah he also collected the animals by commanding them to do so, and thus the animals obeyed...

Paulus letter to Bruce Lee 9.99
0 Replies
 
ganterro
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 03:18 am
@ShadowKnight,
Just E (check it in Bible). Or he hasn't existed at all...
ShadowKnight
 
  0  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 03:36 am
@ganterro,
Which Bible? The James King? Or the Chuck Norris?

Anyway people, it was NOAH! So the number is irrelevant!

Wow you guys... hahahaha Very Happy WOOT!
Lordyaswas
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 03:41 am
@ShadowKnight,
Noah was Chuck Norris?

ShadowKnight
 
  0  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 04:41 am
@Lordyaswas,
But of course! He is also God and still over 9000!... Years old.
0 Replies
 
fresco
 
  2  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 08:50 am
@ShadowKnight,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4bfl8GAMtQ
ShadowKnight
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 09:13 am
@fresco,
Awesome stuff, had been looking for a good stand up ever since George Collin (typo maybe), and Jeff Durnham until he ran out of ideas.

With all the crap I have met on the interwebs I expected some guy insulting me or something, but this stuff is awesome.

Thanks Fresco, your the man dog! (And if you are the man dog, is meant to be an insult, I have to fire some employees... so I hope not, because I think it sounds bad ass)
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 09:23 am
@ShadowKnight,

As I have looked in the moone bright,
That now a monday next, at quarter nyght,
Shal falle a reyn, and that so wilde and wood,
That half so greet was nevere noes flood.
This world, he seyde, in lasse than an hour
Shal al be dreynt, so hidous is the shour.
Thus shal mankynde drenche, and lese hir lyf.
This carpenter answerde, allas, my wyf!
And shal she drenche? allas, myn alisoun!
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 09:31 am
@izzythepush,
The 'Ole In The Ark
by Marriott Edgar

One evening at dusk as Noah stood on his Ark,
Putting green oil in starboard side lamp,
His wife came along and said, 'Noah, summat's wrong,
Our cabin is getting quite damp.

Noah said, 'Is that so?' Then he went down below,
And found it were right what she'd said,
For there on the floor quite a puddle he saw,
It was slopping around under t' bed.

Said he, 'There's an 'ole in the bottom somewhere,
We must find it before we retire.'
Then he thowt for a bit, and he said 'Aye, that's it,
A bloodhound is what we require.'

Se he went and fetched bloodhound from place where it lay,
'Tween the skunk and the polecat it were,
And as things there below, were a trifle so-so,
It were glad of a breath of fresh air.

They followed the sound as it went sniffing round,
'Til at last they located the leak,
'Twere a small hole in the side, about two inches wide,
Where a swordfish had poked in its beak.

And by gum! how the wet squirted in through that hole,
Well, young Shem who at sums was expert,
Worked it out on his slate that it came at the rate,
Of per gallon, per second, per squirt.

The bloodhound tried hard to keep water in check,
By lapping it up with his tongue,
But it came in so fast through that hole, that at last,
He shoved in his nose for a bung.

The poor faithful hound, he were very near drowned,
They dragged him away none too soon,
For the stream as it rose, pushed its way up his nose,
And blew him up like a balloon.

And then Mrs Noah shoved her elbow in t'hole,
And said,' Eh! it's stopped I believe,'
But they found very soon as she'd altered her tune,
For the water had got up her sleeve.

When she saw as her elbow weren't doing much good,
She said to Noah, 'I've an idea,
You sit on the leak and by t'end of the week,
There's no knowing, the weather may clear.'

Noah didn't think much to this notion, at all,
But reckoned he'd give it a try,
On the 'ole down he flopped, and the leaking all stopped,
And all... except him, was quite dry.

They took him his breakfast and dinner and tea,
As day after day there he sat,
'Til the rain was all passed and they landed at last,
On top side of Mount Ararat.

And that is how Noah got them all safe ashore,
But ever since then, strange to tell,
Them as helped save the Ark has all carried a mark,
Aye, and all their descendants as well.

That's why dog has a cold nose, and ladies cold elbows,
You'll also find if you enquire,
That's why a man takes his coat tails in hand,
And stands with his back to the fire.

izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 09:37 am
@izzythepush,
I'll tell you an old-fashioned story
That Grandfather used to relate,
Of a joiner and building contractor;
'Is name, it were Sam Oglethwaite.

In a shop on the banks of the Irwell,
Old Sam used to follow 'is trade,
In a place you'll have 'eard of, called Bury;
You know, where black puddings is made.

One day, Sam were filling a knot 'ole
Wi' putty, when in thro' the door
Came an old feller fair wreathed wi' whiskers;
T'ould chap said 'Good morning, I'm Noah.'

Sam asked Noah what was 'is business,
And t'ould chap went on to remark,
That not liking the look of the weather,
'E were thinking of building an Ark.

'E'd gotten the wood for the bulwarks,
And all t'other shipbuilding junk,
And wanted some nice Bird's Eye Maple
To panel the side of 'is bunk.

Now Maple were Sam's Monopoly;
That means it were all 'is to cut,
And nobody else 'adn't got none;
So 'e asked Noah three ha'pence a foot.

'A ha'penny too much,' replied Noah
'A Penny a foot's more the mark;
A penny a foot, and when t'rain comes,
I'll give you a ride in me Ark.'

But neither would budge in the bargain;
The whole daft thing were kind of a jam,
So Sam put 'is tongue out at Noah,
And Noah made Long Bacon* at Sam

In wrath and ill-feeling they parted,
Not knowing when they'd meet again,
And Sam had forgot all about it,
'Til one day it started to rain.

It rained and it rained for a fortni't,
And flooded the 'ole countryside.
It rained and it kept' on raining,
'Til the Irwell were fifty mile wide.

The 'ouses were soon under water,
And folks to the roof 'ad to climb.
They said 'twas the rottenest summer
That Bury 'ad 'ad for some time.

The rain showed no sign of abating,
And water rose hour by hour,
'Til the only dry land were at Blackpool,
And that were on top of the Tower.

So Sam started swimming to Blackpool;
It took 'im best part of a week.
'Is clothes were wet through when 'e got there,
And 'is boots were beginning to leak.

'E stood to 'is watch-chain in water,
On Tower top, just before dark,
When who should come sailing towards 'im
But old Noah, steering 'is Ark.

They stared at each other in silence,
'Til Ark were alongside, all but,
Then Noah said: 'What price yer Maple?'
Sam answered 'Three ha'pence a foot.'

Noah said 'Nay; I'll make thee an offer,
The same as I did t'other day.
A penny a foot and a free ride.
Now, come on, lad, what does tha say?'

'Three ha'pence a foot,' came the answer.
So Noah 'is sail 'ad to hoist,
And sailed off again in a dudgeon,
While Sam stood determined, but moist.

Noah cruised around, flying 'is pigeons,
'Til fortieth day of the wet,
And on 'is way back, passing Blackpool,
'E saw old Sam standing there yet.

'Is chin just stuck out of the water;
A comical figure 'e cut,
Noah said: 'Now what's the price of yer Maple?'
Sam answered: 'Three ha'pence a foot.'

Said Noah: 'Ye'd best take my offer;
It's last time I'll be hereabout;
And if water comes half an inch higher,
I'll happen get Maple for nowt.'

'Three ha'pence a foot it'll cost yer,
And as fer me,' Sam said, 'don't fret.
The sky's took a turn since this morning;
I think it'll brighten up yet.'
0 Replies
 
ShadowKnight
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 10:31 am
@izzythepush,
So you tell yourself strange tales huh? You and I have a lot in common friend... Except the part where I dont tell myself strange tales >Sad

So, how about a riddle? Got one?
izzythepush
 
  1  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 11:13 am
@ShadowKnight,
I didn't tell those tales to myself, one's from The Miller's Tale about a cheating pair who tell her husband there's a flood coming so he can build a boat and be out of the way.

The other two are by Marriott Edgar.

I'm no good at riddles, but what about this?


What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?
ShadowKnight
 
  0  
Reply Mon 29 Apr, 2013 12:23 pm
@izzythepush,
Uh... kudos for your "aura of class", but I cant say I follow... I am more of the carefree rich playboy kind... Except I am neither carefree, rich, nor a playboy...

Anyway, I dare not criticize your eloquent extravagant style, in fact I praise it, you are really something!
0 Replies
 
clangi
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 Nov, 2013 04:49 am
@ShadowKnight,
The answer is F: It is Noah. Moses parted the sea and took the Jews out of Egypt. Noah was granted the task of creating the Arc and gathering all the pairs of animals.
0 Replies
 
 

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