am I a jealous girlfriend?

I've been in a relationship with my bf for 4 years and living together 3. I don't feel that I'm extremely jealous just the regular jealousy that comes with loving someone. My bf works predominantly with women which has never been a issue other that the fact that he is a very friendly guy and I fear that his friendly behavior might get misinterpreted by some women. For example, when he was in school a couple of years back we went out bowling with his new school friends that I had never met and of of the girls (single) was acting inappropriate she went as far as climbing of top of him. I didn't say anything at that moment but I told him later I didn't like that and he needed to set some boundaries because I felt her behavior as disrespectful towards me . I have spoken to him about this and he says he is very respectful and I have nothing to worry about.
About a month ago we were getting ready to go to sleep and a co-worker sends him a text telling him everyone was at the party, apparently there was a work get together going on that he had not previously mentioned to me close to our house. He seemed like he wanted to go so I told him ok and we quickly got ready and got there. This was the first time I was meeting his co-workers, I only knew one girl that had been friends with him since school. When we got the he said hi to everyone and introduced me as his girlfriend, everything was fine until we said hi to the girl that had planned the whole thing, she was super friendly with him and then turned to me and I just felt like she acted very differently towards me, all plastic/fake. A couple of minutes later I was talking to the only person I knew, my bf's friend and he went to get a drink from the bar and then the plastic girl comes over and stands right next to me talking really loud with another girl saying " oh you see I told you he (my bf) would come he told me he wasn't coming but he came jajaja." I honestly felt she was doing this on purpose she had to know I was listening I was right next to her. Then she comes over to me and she says " you know he texted me he wasn't coming and I told him I can't believe you are not coming, but I knew he would be here you know, I though it was weird that he wasn't coming especially because he suggested this place, IM IN LOVE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, I just love him, ohh but don't worry its just at work. "
I just gave her a big smile and didn't let her get to me at that moment I didn't want to give her the benefit I don't think that I misinterpreted anything because my bf friend ( the one I was talking to) got nervous and started saying "ohh she is so drunk she is so crazy" trying to downplay the situation because it was very awkward to say the least. I felt really bad about the whole situation, not at what she said to me but about the fact that I was in the dark about my bf involvement with her and the party, why didn't I know, what does he have to hide? Had I known about the text messages I would have been amused that she tried to upset me. I stayed at the party and pretended everything was fine but obviously when we got home I was upset because I didn't know this girl even existed my bf never mentioned her or the party and it turns out he suggested the place and was texting her about it, I asked him to see the texts and he said he had deleted them. I got even more upset because if there was no malice why would he delete them? I honestly was more upset at the way he handled the situation I feel that if he had a respectful relationship with this woman she wouldn't have felt compelled to do what she did without knowing me. I don't think he is cheating on me with that woman but I do think he needs to set boundaries in his relationship with other women so they don't get the wrong message. If I had previously met the girl it would have been a different situation but the whole secrecy just made me really upset.
After the argument he agreed that he was going to put boundaries on his relationship with her because clearly she had crossed the line and that he was going to be more communicative about his relationship with female co-workers outside the job. I don't have a problem with his having female friends BUT as long as I know about them!!! Is that being jealous??? please let me know.
Well sorry about the long story but it doesn't end there, yesterday it was the girl's b-day party, and a friend of his sent him a text asking if he was going to the party but we were at the movies so he said no. But afterwards I asked my bf how his relationship was going with this girl, I asked because I want to make sure that he is doing what we had agreed, I don't want to fear going out with his friend/co-workers because I will find myself in an uncomfortable situation I want to go and get to know the people he spends time with outside our relationship. He got over defensive and upset that I asked and said his relationship with her was "fine" that he had a normal relationship with her before the incident and it continues to be that way, that she hadn't done anything to him, and that what she had said was not meant as harm and I'm the one with the problem because I'm excessively jealous.

I got very upset because this was not what he had told me when we had argued last time and I also felt it was inappropriate for him to downplay her behavior because he wasn't the one that was being ambushed by a mean girl in an environment that I was not comfortable with. That girl was surrounded by her friend and took advantage of that to make me feel bad.

Anyways sorry about the lengthy post but I want to know if I'm really crazy jealous like my bf claims, and if I'm asking for too much and I wanted to give you all as much info as I could so that you could judge fairly.

Thanks