John Kerry - UN Security Council Approves Military Action With Goose
In a surprising development, the UN Security council has recommended that any means, including military action, may be used by John Kerry to kill a goose. The measure passed with 15 nations-0 with only Turkey against the measure, citing close cultural ties with geese. Senator Kerry acted quickly and decisively, gunning down the rogue goose only 1 day later. "I believe that such measures are appropriate under the review of the UN," said Kerry, "and the American people can see that I act quickly and violently when the US is threatened, as long as France approves. It was just like that VC I shot in Vietnam, you know I fought in Vietnam, right?"
White House press secretary Scott McLellan noted that Kerry, as a Senator, has no authority to conduct military action nor to negotiate with the UN on behalf of the US. A Kerry campaign spokesman countered that Senator Kerry has extensive previous experience in the international arena, going so far as negotiating with the North Vietnamese in Paris on his own time.
According to the after-action review, the Senator pinched his finger in the pump-action shotgun's mechanism and thus will be awarded the Order of the Purple Heart.
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