You can't script this stuff:
The Prime Minister said something very interesting a while ago, and it's important for the American people to understand. Our strategy is to help the Iraqis help themselves. It's important that we train Iraqi troops. There are nearly 100,000 troops trained. The Afghan national army is a part of the army. By the way, it's the nassy -- Afghan national army that went into Najaf and did the work there.
-- I don't know how Dubya managed to flip the switch in his mind (while standing next to Iraq's interim Prime Minister) from Iraq to Afghanistan and then back to Iraq (Najaf), and apparently not even notice, Washington, D.C., Sep. 23, 2004
We got an issue in America. Too many good docs are gettin' out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their -- their love with women all across this country.
-- This one doesn't stop being funny, no matter how many times you re-read or re-listen to it, Poplar Bluff, Missouri, Sep. 6, 2004
Senator Kerry opposed Medicare reform and health savings accounts. After supporting my education reforms, he now wants to tilute them.
-- Don't worry, they transcribed it as "dilute" in the official White House transcript, Republican National Convention, New York City, Sep. 2, 2004
REPORTER 1: You're not going to Athens this week, are you?
DUBYA: Athens, Texas?
REPORTER 1: Ol -- the Olympics, in Greece.
DUBYA: Oh, the Olympics? No, I'm not.
REPORTER 2: Have you been watching them?
DUBYA: Oh, yeah, yeah, it's been exciting.
REPORTER 2: Any particular moment stand out?
DUBYA: Umm -- particular moment? I like the -- let's see -- uhhhm -- Iraqi soccer. I liked -- I liked seein' the Afghan woman carryin' the flag comin' in. I loved, uhh -- you know, our gymnasts. I've been watching the swimming. I like th' -- I've seen a lot, yeah. Listen, thank you all.
-- Wow... Crawford, Texas, Aug. 23, 2004
REPORTER: What do you think tribal sovereignty means in the 21st century, and how do we resolve conflicts between tribes and the federal and state governments?
DUBYA: Yeah -- tribal sovereignty means that, it's sovereign. It's -- you're a -- you're a -- you've been given sovereignty, and you're -- viewed as a sovereign entity. [Laughter emanates from the audience]
REPORTER: Okay.
DUBYA: And, therefore, the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between -- sovereign entities.
-- Well that clears up the relationship perfectly, Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004
Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.
-- Dubya's boastfulness enters new, scary territory here, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
We are working with our friends to keep the pressure on the moolahs [mullahs] to -- to listen to the demands of the free world.
-- That's the first time I've heard it pronounced that way... Thanks, Dubya. Aug. 2, 2004
I have long expressed my concerns about Iran, after all it's a totalitarian society where free people are not allowed to ex -- you know exercise their -- uhh, their rights as human beings.
-- If they aren't able to exercise their rights as humans, why is Dubya calling them free people? Washington, D.C., Jul. 19, 2004
Americans are serving and sacrificing to keep this country safe and to bring freedom to others. After the attacks of September the 11th, 2001, this nation resolved to fight terrorists where they dwell. We resolved to arm the terrorist enemy.
-- The White House website quietly changed "arm" to "disarm", but forgot to take down the video of the event. Charleston, West Virginia, Jul. 4, 2004
This disease leaves suffering and orphans and fear wherever it reaches. Every man and woman and child who suffers from this addiction, from the streets of Philly to the villages of Africa, is a child of God who deserves our love and our help.
-- Another screwup that was wiped from the official White House transcript (first they published it correctly, then later it was corrected to say "affliction"), speaking about AIDS at the Greater Exodus Baptist Church, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Jun. 23, 2004
The Prime Minister brought up the Abu Garef ---- si -- situation.
-- By which he means "Abu Ghraib", Washington, D.C., Jun. 22, 2004
REPORTER: So when you say that you want the U.S. to adhere to international and U.S. laws, that's not very comforting. This is a moral question. Is terr -- torture ever justified?
DUBYA: Look, I'm gonna say it one more time. I can -- if I can -- maybe -- maybe I can be more clear. The instructions went out to our people to adhere to law. That oughtta comfort you. We -- we're a nation of law. We adhere to laws. We have laws on the books. You might look at those laws. And that might provide comfort for you. And those were the instructions out of -- from me to the government.
-- So is torture ever justified? I guess we'll never know. Savannah, Georgia, Jun. 10, 2004
Rick Sanchez has done a fabulous job. He's been there for a -- a long time. His service has been exemplorary.
-- Confirmation at last that Dubya is indeed convinced that the word "exemplary" is pronounced "exemplorary", and that the White House is complicit in disguising this in the official transcript, White House, May 25, 2004
I'm honored to, uhh, shake the hand -- of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein. Ummm, I'm with sssix other Iraqi citizens, as well, who suffered the same fate. Uhh, they are examples of the -- brutality, uhh, of the tyrant.
-- Granted, I think those words were chosen intentionally, but should they have been? And to be honest, he doesn't sound particularly honored, either, White House, May 25, 2004
Under the dictator, prisons like Abu Gar -- reb -- were symbols of death and torture. That same prison became a symbol of disgraceful conduct by a few American troops who dishonored our country and disregardered [sic] our values. America will fund the construction of a modern, maximum security prison. When that prison is completed, detainees at Abu Garomp will be relocated. Then, with the approval of the Iraqi government, we will demolish the Abu Garab prison, as a fitting symbol of Iraq's new beginning.
-- Dubya starts out shaky, then completely gives up trying to correctly pronounce the name of the prison infamous for American mistreatment of Iraqi prisoners (Abu Ghraib), United States Army War College, Carlisle, Pennsylvania, May 24, 2004
We're encouraged to see more Iraqs take responsibility for resolving the standoff in Najaf.
-- Yes, he actually said Iraqs instead of Iraqis, Washington, D.C., May 10, 2004
Soldiers from the 2nd Light Calvary Regiment are conducting reconnaissance to learn the precise strength and location of enemy forces.
-- Still having difficulty with the pronunciation of "Cavalry", Washington, D.C., May 10, 2004
You know, there's a lot of people in the world who don't believe that -- that people whose skin color may not be the same as ours can be free, and self-govern. I reject that. I reject that strongly. I believe that people who practice the Muslim faith can self-govern. I believe that people whose skins aren't necessarily -- are, you know -- a different color than white can self-govern. And, the Prime Minister -- I don't want to put words in his mouth, but -- I think he shares that great sense of optimism and possibility.
-- I'm pretty sure the Canadian Prime Minister would prefer not to have those words put in his mouth, White House, Apr. 30, 2004
So that's -- what -- there's some ideas. And the -- it's -- my job is to like think beyond the immediate.
-- Like, for sure? [Extra info on this quote: The White House transcribed it as "So that's -- those are some ideas. And my job is to think beyond the immediate." That's generous even by their standards. Washington, D.C., Apr. 21, 2004
Secretary of State Powell and Secretary of State Rumsfeld, and a number of NATO defense and foreign ministers are exploring a more formal role for NATO.
-- Oops. Prime Time Press Conference #3, White House, Apr. 13, 2004
Good evening. Before I take your questions, let me speak with the American people about the situation in Iraq. This has been tough weeks in that country.
-- Off to a great start in Prime Time Press Conference #3, White House, Apr. 13, 2004
Coalition forces have encountered serious violence in some areas of Iraq. Our military commanders report that this violence is being insticated by three groups.
-- Not instigated, but insticated, Prime Time Press Conference #3, White House, Apr. 13, 2004
The -------- the -- frankly mood of the world would have been astounded had the United States acted unilaterally in, uh, trying ta deal with al Qaeda in that part of the world.
-- As usual, the White House tried to pass off Dubya's usage of "frankly" as normal by setting it off within commas in the official transcript, Prime Time Press Conference #3, White House, Apr. 13, 2004
DUBYA: It was my way to -- to help kick off the baseball season.
SPORTSCASTER: That's neat.
DUBYA: I, I really think it's, uhh -- an integral part of the -- fabric of our society, and, uhh -- I'm, I'm gonna try to do my part to make sure baseball gets the notoriety it deserves.
-- Does baseball need notoriety? St. Louis, Missouri, Apr. 5, 2004
I wanna remind you all that I -- in, in order -- what -- in order to fight and win the war it requires a expenditure of money -- uhh, uhh -- that is commiserate with keeping a promise to our troops to make sure that they're well paid, well trained, well equipped.
-- It's official... Dubya doesn't know he's still using the wrong word, and his advisers are afraid to tell him, Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2003
See, without the tax relief package, there would have been a deficit, but there wouldn't have been the comm -- commiserate -- the, the, the, the, not commiserate -- the, the, the -- kick to our economy that occurred as a result of the tax relief.
-- Commiserate pops up again, at a place where even Dubya realizes it cannot be used, Washington, D.C., Dec. 15, 2003
Some of the other members of the [NASCAR champion] crew are here, as well. Where are they, Robbie? Where are the members of your crew? Well, they musta couldn't pass the security check.
-- The White House tried to pass this off as Dubya changing his word choice in mid sentence (by putting a dash between "musta" and "couldn't"). Listen and judge for yourself. White House, Dec. 2, 2003
America stands for liberty, for the pursuita happiness and for the unalieinalienable right of life.
-- That's a new one, Washington, D.C., Nov. 5, 2003
She's doing a fine job of coordinating interagency. She's doing what her -- I mean -- it shouldn'a -- the, the, the role of the National Security Advisor is to not only provide good advice to the President, which she does on a regular basis -- I value her judgment and her intelligence -- uhh -- but, uhh -- her job is also to deal interagency, and to help unstick things that may get stuck -- is the best way to put it. She's an unsticker. And -- is she listening? Okay, well, she's doing a fine job.
-- On National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice, White House, Oct. 28, 2003
It's in the interest of -- uhh -- uhh, long-term peace in the world that we -- uhh -- work for a free and secure and peaceful Iraq. A peeance, freeance secure Iraq in the midst of the Middle East will have enormous historical impact.
-- That's really how he said it, and we have the audio to prove it, Oct. 27, 2003
DUBYA: That's why we're workin' hard to get more Iraqi policemen. That's why we're workin' hard to build up the Iraqi armed forces. And that's why we're workin' hard with freedom-lovin' Iraqis to -- to help ferret these people out before they attack and strike. And, uhh...
DEB (REPORTER): But, sir --
DUBYA: No, that's your question. Randy.
RANDY (REPORTER): Mr. President...
-- Dubya's terse dismissal of a reporter's attempt to follow up a question, which was completely purged from the official White House transcript. Gee, I wonder why? White House, Oct. 27, 2003
Everybody needs to have a good abrogado.
-- Dubya adds an unnecessary 'r' to the Spanish word for "lawyer", turning it into the word for "abolished", White House, Oct. 2, 2003
We're, uhh, conscience of, uhh, of uhh, folks flying -- and getting lists of people flying into our country and matching them now with a much improved database.
-- White House, Jul. 30, 2003
You know, let me let me talk about al Qaeda just for a second. I -- I made the statement that we're dismantling senior management, and we are. Our people have done a really good job of hauling in a lot of the key operators: Khalid Sheik Mohammed, Abu Zubaydah, Ramzi ahh -- Ramzi al Shibh, or whatever the guy's name was.
-- Eventually he got around to saying "Binalshibh", White House, Jul. 30, 2003
And the other lesson is that there are people who can't stand what America stands for, and desire to conflict great harm on the American people.
-- I'm guessing that "conflicting harm" must be a lot worse than "inflicting harm", Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Jul. 28, 2003
I, I think the intelligy I get is darn good intelligence.
-- I might agree, if only I knew what "intelligy" was, Washington, D.C., Jul. 14, 2003
There are some who feel like, that the conditions [in Iraq] are such that they can attack us there. My answer is "Bring 'em on!"
-- Now that's the way to ensure the safety of American troops, Washington, D.C., Jul. 2, 2003
You're free. And freedom is beautiful. And, uhh, you know, it'll take time to restore chaos, and order, but we -- but we will.
-- There's nothing quite like restoring chaos, Washington, D.C., Apr. 13, 2003
On my orders, coalition forces have begin striking selected targets of military importance to undermine Saddam Hussein's ability to wage war.
-- Second sentence of Dubya's address to the nation informing them that the U.S. had gone to war against Iraq, Mar. 19, 2003
Uhh -- we are working -- hard to bring a diplomatic solution. And uhh -- we've made some progress. After all, the IEAE asked that the Security Council take up the North Korean issue.
-- The White House and every major news outlet completely whitewashed the fact that Dubya called the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) the "IEAE", and he even made a pointed effort to clearly enunciate it, prime time press conference, White House, Mar. 6, 2003
This is a -- a regional issue. I say a regional issue because -- there's a lot of countries that have got a direct stake into whether or not North Korea has nukyular weapons. We've got a stake as to whether North Korea has a nukyular weapon. China clearly has a stake as to whether or not North Korea has a nukyular weapon. South Korea, of course, has a stake. Japan has got a significant stake as to whether or not North Korea has a nukyular weapon.
-- Prime time press conference, White House, Mar. 6, 2003
I went down to Mississippi, met a man who had moved to Mississippi to provide health care for some of our most neediest citizens.
-- The White House has given up trying to get Dubya's language in check. They just pretended that there was a big gap of time between "most" and "neediest" in the official transcript of this speech (to make it appear as if he corrected himself mid-sentence). Listen for yourself and decide. Washington, D.C., Mar. 4, 2003
This is a -- we've got some mighty challenges -- to make sure the country is more prosperous and more hopeful, and the world more peaceful. But sin duda, we're gonna achieve what we need to achieve, porque este país es gra -- es, es, es, es un gran país, with great values and great hope and great strength.
-- Spanish-English freestyling of the Dubya variety, Washington, D.C., Feb. 26, 2003
There is all kinds of estimates about the cost of war.
-- Sigh. Washington, D.C., Feb. 25, 2003
For years the freedom of our people were really never in doubt.
-- FBI Headquarters, Feb. 14, 2003
There was wars on other continents, but we were safe.
-- Commenting in his typically strained fashion on what America was like before 9/11, Washington, D.C., Feb. 10, 2003
So today I ask you to challenge your listeners to love somebody just like they'd like to be loved themselves, to remind them that one person can make a difference in somebody's life, to encourage them, to mentor, to encourage them to start a ministry, which will find the children of those who are incarsinated and love them.
-- By which he means "incarcerated", although the White House web site just whitewashed over Dubya's version of the word in the transcript, Nashville, Tennessee, Feb. 10, 2003
Columbia carried in its payroll classroom experim -- experiments from some of our -- ah -- students in America.
-- Speaking at the National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Maryland, Feb. 3, 2003
Well, all due in modesty, I thought I did a pretty good job myself of making it clear that he's [Saddam Hussein's] not disarming and why he should disarm.
-- Washington, D.C., Jan. 31, 2003
I mentioned early on that I recognize there are hurdles, and we're gonna achieve those hurdles.
-- St. Louis, Missouri, Jan. 22, 2003
All Texans are proud that our state is the home to so many fine military units, including the great 1st Calvary Division.
-- It's Cavalry Dubya, Cavalry. Calvary is the hill upon which Jesus was crucified. Fort Hood, Texas, Jan. 3, 2003
The Iraqi regime is a threat to any American and to threats who are friends of America.
-- Fort Hood, Texas, Jan. 3, 2003
You said we're headed to war in Iraq -- I don't know why you say that. I hope we're not headed to war in Iraq. I'm the person who gets to decide, not you.
-- Discounting the roles of Congress and an inquisitive press in order to look tough in front of a reporter (and avoid answering the question), Crawford, Texas, Dec. 31, 2002
The goals for this country are peace in the world. And the goals for this country are a compassionate American for every single citizen.
-- Having more trouble with making sense, Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2002
The law I sign today directs new funds and new focus to the task of collecting vital intelligence on terrorist threats and on weapons of mass production.
-- At the signing of the September 11th Commission Bill, Washington, D.C., Nov. 27, 2002
But as we fight terror -- ah -- particularly in the Middle East, they've gotta build the institution necessary for a Palestinian state to emerge. That we've gotta promote the leadership that is willing to condemn terror and, at the same time, work toward the embetterment of the lives of the Palestinian people.
-- Not the first time Dubya's used this nonexistent word, Washington, D.C., Sep. 24, 2002
There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once -- shame on -- shame on you. You fool me, you can't get fooled again.
-- Dubya attempting to co-opt Texas and Tennessee into his verbal wreckage. The saying he was trying to dredge up was "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Even better, Dubya was speaking at a literature magnet school. I'm sure it was a learning experience for the kids. East Literature Magnet School, Nashville, Tennessee, Sep. 17, 2002
And so, in my State of the -- my State of the Union -- or state -- my speech to the -- nation, whatever you wanna call it, speech to the nation -- I asked Americans to give 4,000 years -- 4,000 hours over the next -- of the rest of your life -- of service to America. That's what I asked. I said 2 -- 4,000 hours.
-- The medicine seems to be wearing off, Bridgeport, Connecticut, Apr. 9, 2002
You know, I was campaigning in Chicago and somebody asked me, is there ever any time where the budget might have to go into deficit? I said only if we were at war or had a national emergency or were in recession. Little did I realize we'd get the trifecta.
-- Charlotte, North Carolina, Feb. 27, 2002
My trip to Asia begins here in Japan for an important reason. It begins here because for a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times. From that alliance has come an era of peace in the Pacific.
-- With the minor exception of World War II, which brought something entirely different to the Pacific, Remarks to the Diet, Tokyo, Japan, Feb. 18, 2002
We were especially touched, especially touched that the people of "Ee-hay-mee" Prefecture sent a donation to the families of victims, showing empathy for loss, even when their own loss was so recent. This is a gesture of friendship my nation will never forget.
-- Apparently forgetting his aides' notes on the pronunciation of Ehime Prefecture, which is pronounced "eh-hee-meh", Remarks to the Diet, Tokyo, Japan, Feb. 18, 2002
And I was sitting outside the classroom waiting to go in, and I saw an airplane hit the tower -- the TV was obviously on, and I use to fly myself, and I said, "There's one terrible pilot."
-- Dubya quoting himself on his first reaction to seeing an airliner piloted into the World Trade Center, Orlando, Florida, Dec. 4, 2001
At this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly outta Ronald Reagan Airport.
-- At a press conference, Oct. 2, 2001
Nobody can threaten this country. Oh, they may be able to bomb a buildings...
-- Speech to joint session of Congress, Washington, D.C., Sept. 20, 2001
If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier... just so long as I'm the dictator.
-- During his first trip to Washington as President-Elect, Washington, D.C., Dec. 18, 2000
After all he [Al Gore] claimed he invented the Internet. But if he's so smart, how come every Internet address begins with "Dubya"?
-- Dubya keeping the room in stitches, Nov. 4, 2000
We say to seniors, "We understand how important prescription drug coverage, so prescription drugs will be an ingrinable part of the Medicare plan."
-- Candidate Dubya, St. Charles, Missouri, Nov. 2, 2000
Conspiracy theories abound in American politics. I don't even need to be subliminabable about the differences between our views on prescription drugs.
-- Candidate Dubya, Sept. 12, 2000
We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.
-- Des Moines, Iowa, Aug. 21, 2000
You're working hard to put food on your family.
-- Greater Nashua Chamber of Commerce (New Hampshire), Jan. 27, 2000
Courtesy of Dubyaspeak.com