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SEQUESTRATION EMPLOYEE BENEFIT NOTICE

 
 
Reply Thu 28 Mar, 2013 07:43 pm



Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50
years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs
and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the
SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW
program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice, and SCREWED as many times as
Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents
& Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED
any further by Congress.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much $HIT
(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided
themselves on the amount of $HIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough $HIT, please bring this to
the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the
$HIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
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