trust issues

Yeah I'm still a kid,but ever since I got raped,I have felt incomplete..
I tried then getting into boys months later
Then after 2 realtionships that didn't work,I found a guy I fell in love with..
People say I'm too young to understand love but I had never felt so hurt when I messed that realtioship up because I was insecure,I thought he was being unfaithful so I did the same
I then lost this guy, a whole year I was depressed, self harmed like mad.. All I thought about and to be fair,I only wanted HIM.. Not any better/worse.
A year went past and I tried getting back but I was hopeless. He found some new girl. So I tried moving on too.
I was with this guy for 2 months and he cheated on me,I forgave,because I'm that weak but he still ended up leaving me. We got into a realtioship where our hearts were else were..
I then started depressing over the first guy again,realzing I hadn't moved on.. About 1+ half years later
Then this other guy was there for me
All the time
I slowly fell for him and next thing you know we're offical
I was still upset offc as I already fell for someone else pretty hard,and the rape thing before..
And I still had my days when I self harmed
I told him and he made me promise
I broke that promise twice and every single time I went too him and told him honestly what I did. He said last chance or I'll leave you..
And I fell for this guy more and more in time
He has trust issues,and because of my past I do too.. I find it a bit hard
But I have really fallen for him and I believe he has too
He's broken promises,so have I
I was even unfaithful at one point where I was angry at him, thought I got let down again and I said I didn't have a boy in my life when I did
And in time I think I'm slowly moving on from the first guy
Though a tiny bit will always be within me
So stuck/confused
There's a bit more too it like we've argued a lot recently and its making me unhappy
But I WANT him..
Without him I feel hopeless