Martha Stewart's December Planning List:

I didn't know where to post this so Jespah can move it if need be.

But Happy Birthdays and Merry Christmas . . . . Seaglass

December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as sleigh to hold Christmas cards.

December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

December 3
Using candlewick and hand gilded minature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nines-tails. Flog Gardener.

December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim

December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Ground lenses myself.

December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

December 7
Debug Windows '95.

December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11
Lay Faberge egg.

December 12
Take Dog apart, Disinfect. Reassemble.

December 13
Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for dercortive pie crusts.

December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17
Childproof the Christmas tree with garland of razor blades.

December 19
Adjust legs of chairs to each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg white and roll in confectioners' sugar to add afestive sparkle to the pasture.

Dedcember 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks

December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.

December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas.

December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go several stores, be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

December 25
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.

December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

December 31
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

See - Martha isn't that bad afterall.