What are "daddy issues"?

Forums: Relationships, Family, Self, Daddy Issues
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One of these days I was telling a male co-worker who I trust about my love life - I was describing a specific situation and he said, jokingly but serious at the same time: "you must have some daddy issues!".
I'm not from an english speaking country so this is not an expression that I'm used to hear. So I searched a bit on the internet and realised it had something to do with the absence of a father figure during childhood.
My male co-worker does not have a clue that I was raised by my mother only (my father contacts me like once a year for my birthday), and I think, but had never ever considered the possibility before, that he may have a point there.
So what exactly are daddy issues and how can they influence my life, specifically my love life and the way I deal with things?

(I'm always very insecure and need CONSTANT reassurement - maybe it's all related? But in spite of not having a father around me, I was raised with love, friends, and also masculine figures - uncle and grandfather).

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@Christie9,

It's all of a piece.

But that's not necessarily confined to just one gender. After all, if you were abandoned by your mother, you'd likely have approval issues as well. I think the term "daddy issues" can be a catch-all but it seems more likely that what's going on with you is the approval thing.

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@Christie9,

Some daddy issure are;

-Over compensating for the approval of a male role model in your life.
-Being too clingy or too fearful of abandonment, (due to your father not being in your life)
-not trusting men (because your father hasn't been there for you)

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Daddy Issues (IMHO) can encompass the following:

Inability to have a healthy relationship with a man, including never bonding with just one man.
Insecurity and immense drive to please men at the expense of oneself.
Hate all men due to being abandoned/betrayed by the one man in your life who should have been there to protect and provide for you.
Attraction to older men in hopes of working out an obsession to "please Daddy" who can't ever be pleased because (you think) that's why he ran away.
Jealousy/distrust of other women, especially older ones.

Can you think of something you DID that made your co-worker say that remark?

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When my 20 year old daughter was at school she described one of her classmates as having daddy issues. Her father was not around, and now she's engaged to be married to a bloke who's older than me.

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@PUNKEY,

I'm constantly asking my make friend/co-worker what does he think about this and that, which gives him the impression that I flip out whatever the situation may be (and I probably do).
I'm always asking "do you think his behaviour is normal?", like, if one day i get an e-mail from my boyfriend and he doesn't say he love me, I tend to think that he doesn't love me anymore and wants to leave me and doesn't know how to do it. Whatever the situation may be, my thoughts always lead me inevitably to the conclusion that I'll be abandoned, I'm not funny enough, or good enough and will end up alone. I'm fully aware that I do this, however it's something very spontaneous. It's not something I can control - not yet. However, I do control my reactions and insecurities towards my boyfriend - most of the time he has no clue these thoughts cross my mind. But they do, a lot...

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My layman's take was that the women was looking for a father replacement either because of a lack of a father's presence/love or because of a strong attachment to said father. So it often manifests as an attraction to older men, with either similar qualities to father or who takes on a father-like role in the relationship (protecting, nurturing, making decisions, even controlling)

Sort of an Oedipus complex by Munchausens...

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@izzythepush,

I remember that your daughter is astute.
I wonder how that friend of hers life will work out. It even might, if the issues are complementary.

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@Christie9,

Christie, from here, a zillion years older, I worry about your lack of self esteem.
It's almost a set up for people taking advantage, since you are somehow not there figuring our who you are and acting on it or at least thinking on it.

I was the shyest person in the whole world, but almost because of that I beetled in on my own thoughts about everything going on around me, as if from a bunker. That passed as I got to know more people, be less isolated.
What does that have to do with you? I don't know, but I see you all worried silly about what a guy thinks.

I don't know how to fix that except to say to pay attention to yourself and what you think about anything and everything.

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@Christie9,

My take on the whole "Daddy issues" thing is: So what?
Sure there is some value in reflecting back on your life looking for lessons to be learned, but at the end of the day you are who you are.
You are an adult.
No one has a perfect childhood. I certainly didn't. As an adult that is no longer what defines me. It is not what defines you.

If you have attachment issues, recognize that and deal with it.
If you feel that you require male validation, recognize that and deal with it.
If you desire a paternal male figure as a mate, recognize that and deal with it.

It is no secret that women prefer men who are similar to their fathers. You are perhaps in a uniquely advantaged position in this regard. You perhaps can be more objective and reflective on who you actually want to share your life with.

What is the point in figuring out what went "wrong" in your life?
You are here now. What comes next is your future, not your past.

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What are "daddy issues"?

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