Whats the right thing to do?

I have been married for seven years now (my second marriage) and my first wife just died last week. I was married for 12 years to my first wife and I have two grown (20, and 21)step sons by her. My current wife got extremely upset when my family called to see how I was doing and how my boys were doing. She said that I have been divorced for 7 years and my family and friends are rediculous for asking me how Im doing. I expressed to her that my focus was my boys, and that I am fine with the death, but that I WAS married to her for 12 years and that we have a history wether she likes it or not. I also told her that my boys need me and I will be there for them no matter what. She told me that my boys dont even call me when fathers day rolls around (which is true) and that I shouldnt be there for them now because they have never been there for me. I feel that parents should take the high road in a situation like this and I am Floored that my wife doesnt support me. Im having a very difficult time grasping the death, my boys, and now my marriage because my wife is not standing by me. To add insult to injury.....A few years ago my current wife lost her ex husband, and I drove her and her kids (which I call mine too) to another state to attend the funeral. She's been divorced from him for over 20 years! I never batted an eye and did what I think is right, but now I dont get the same thing in return. Its shown me the cold heartedness of my wife and I dont understand it. She wont talk to me and I'm lost, hurt, and angry to say the least. Am I missing something here? I couldnt imagine not being there for her....but she has no problem shutting me out when I need her most.