doglover wrote:I have a son and I certainly HOPE he will be there for me when I'm an old lady. If he isn't, I'm sure I'll get by somehow. That's what nursing homes are for.
When you are an old lady over half the population will be geriatric and not enough people to care for us! I shudder to think of what nursing homes will be like then! I'm going to be that wacky old lady that lives down the street with all the dogs as long as I can, then go to the vet and ask for a shot!
In the culture I was raised in, some people believed a young woman shouldn't leave home. Independent living brought with it many dangers, not least being thought a wanton woman and certainly presenting the occasion of sin. I loved my parents but I thank my lucky stars I was stubborn and left on my own. I think in some countries the culture fosters children living at home, in part because of massive financial difficulty in their getting their own place.
Not that these ways of thinking have anything to do with falcon's situation, except that not everybody everywhere thinks that one raises children to be independent.
I agree with everybody else here that it is import to falcon's son's future not to always give him a nest, re shelter or money. Also agree that the weaning needs to be clear, not take forever, and hope that it isn't abrupt, that it is handled as many have said so that he isn't just out the door but can get a small place that he can keep if he attends to the rent.
Good luck, falcon.
doglover wrote:Camille honey, you and I will be posting as long as our arthritic, wrinkley fingers and senile minds allow us to articulate our thoughts! We will both grow old with our beloved pooches by our side. And when you're old and needy, you just let doglover know if you need anything and I'll help you..... if I can get out of my rocker.
Thanks DL, and I can always hop on the tractor mower when they take away my drivers license to come help you.
A little off topic -
Is there any age at which a parent no longer has to 'be there' for the child? I've been thinking about this ever since I read that Spalding Gray was survived by 3 children, the youngest only 6 yrs old.
Well, Spalding Gray took matters into his own hands so, there's your answer. Age doesn't matter, at least, it didn't to him. Hpw miserable do you have to be to check out on a six year old? Geez...
I cry for Spalding Gray. I've always liked him.
Falcon.
I'm "old" have 3 sons, all just over 40, I made them partners in my business when they were in their early 20's. They now look after my wife and I ( monetarily ) From the first day they came to work for me they were never given options just told " I want you to do so and so ".
My advice to you, pack his bags and belongings, put them outside the door, leave a note " We enjoyed having you, now go get a life "
Where's falcon, we care too, please come and talk with us...
Falcon
I know how you feel. The apron strings never get severed in most parents' hearts. My son had a potential for living the way you described your son. But, I only helped him minimally, until he was forced to take care of himself. It is not a good feeling to watch him if he stumbles, but I don't step in to help, even then, because, in the long run, his survival potential will be greater if he handles it his own way. Sure, I still see the precious little boy I raised when I look at him, but that's not him today and I recognize that. Your son may never thank you for making him get out and do for himself, but you are sure to take satisfaction from watching as he sets his goals and begins to acomplish them.
This is truly scary. I have problems with my son - see 'Problem teen. Solution: turf him out?' I have been a mother since I was a teen and I don't think it is wrong or selfish of me to want an easier time and a life of my own. 70? I am going to have to work very hard to get my son independent.
Yes! See what happens if you don't?!
When the time comes, I don't think I could ever kick my daughter out of the house. In my family, family comes before individuality, before community, before country, before the world. Adult children live with parents who live with grandparents, and all sorts of other combinations. I wouldn't let her sponge off of me either, though. I'd make her earn her keep.
Falcon, you are as responsible for your son's irresponsibility as he is. I say, don't kick him out of the house, but don't let him leech off of you either.
One of the signs of maturity is a yen for independence. If the flesh-of-your-flesh, bone-of-your-bone legal adult wants to sponge off the family, s/he has some growing up to do.
A caring, competent parent provides the Child/Adult opportunities for learning, not for self indulgence.
In his eyes I'm full grown,
twenty-nine and still live home.
Raid the fridge,
feed my face,
I'm the son that's a disgrace.
Livin' free,
don't pay rent,
brought the car back with a dent.
I'm asleep counting sheep;
Thought I'd heard him scream again.
A$$ Hole Son,
You're a bum.
You trashed the car again.
A$$ Hole Son,
What a bum,
What a bum.
A$$ Hole Son,
Mow the lawn,
And put your clothes away.
A$$ Hole Son,
What a bum,
What a bum.
A$$ Hole Son,
(Chorus)
What a bum.
A$$ Hole Son,
A$$ Hole Son.
What a bum.
A$$ Hole Son,
A$$ Hole Son.
What a bum.
(sung to the tune of Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden)
