Sun 3 Feb, 2013 11:42 am
I have been dating a widow for the last six months. Aside from the issue I'm asking about, it has been for the most part, awesome. She has my heart in the palm of her hand. She took my heart despite the things I once was. Her husband abased away like 13 months ago. They were attacked, and he was punched in the face, knocking him out. As he went down, he hit his head causing a skull fracture that killed him. She got hit as well coming to his aid. He survived on life support, but she had the brutal decision of pulling the plug. They were still in the fun stage of ther marriage, only being married 6 months and together 11. She has ad to deal with this on her own, not getting support from her in laws nor the military, since his death wasn't natural nor in combat.
I understand that she misses him and that he was a great man. I've read it from heis friends on Facebook and have heard it out of her mouth. She as numerous tattoos memorializing him on her, some tat I've done myself. She has his camos hanging on the closet door. She has pictures in the house, on her iPad, her iPhone, and in every vehicle she owns except t one I drive. I knew coming into this that I would be sharing her heart with him, but my issue is this: she makes posts about the two of them, how she misses him, talks about how good he was, even goes to say she sees him...which is all right and fine, but when do I get my recognition? I take care of her, I take care of her kids, and she tells me she loves me and is in love with e, but only people we know together, actually see us embrace. She never tells any of her friends that knows him that there is someone bringing her happiness. Do I deserve a little recognition, or am I just being selfish and needy?
It's very soon for her to have started dating, and extremely early for her to move on to any kind of serious relationship.
She's got a lot of work to do on herself before it's going to be time for you or whoever she settles on to have her next serious relationship with.
YOU moved to fast. She is not ready and her not telling people about you and her is proof of that.
She is grieving the attack/violence and the sudden death.
Step back and let her grieve!! Make sure she goes to grief counseling groups and support her as a friend.
- PS Why are you "taking care of her and her kids."? Is there a financial problem?
Not taking care financially, just watch them and get the m up for school, etc.
You're being selfish and needy, and she's no different for any other type of widow in similar circumstances.
Reading things like this reminds me how much sorrow there is in the world. I wish you all the best of luck.
Put yourself in his shoes for a minute and think how screwed up it'd be if your wife ran off with a new guy so soon after you were beaten to death..... Now imagine that she probably thinks that all the time and is ashamed of her actions, at-least to some degree.
In the end we all are slaves to the rules of cognitive dissonance. What that means is that our personalities and morals change to fit our actions and not the other way around. In time, she will have a change of heart and will become perfectly accepting of your relationship. You just have to wait it out.