Who to Invite Etiquette

Reply Wed 30 Jan, 2013 10:43 pm
Hi there,

I wasn't sure what to put as a title so here's the question.

My mother would like to invite the grandkids to a Valentine's Day dinner at a restaurant. One of them is 15 years old and has a boyfriend .

My mother is also on a limited income.

Should she set a limit on who to invite? What could she tell the grandkids to explain why?
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Reply Thu 31 Jan, 2013 12:22 am
Hi Calliopenjo,
Welcome to a2k. It's your Mom's party so she gets to make the invitations. Don't know the ages of others she will invite, but your daughter may want to have dinner with her boyfriend. If they've been seeing each other for a while, and it would be comfortable for everybody, it would be nice to invite him, but be accepting if they decide to be on their own.
Reply Thu 31 Jan, 2013 03:32 pm
Thanks, Nextone.
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Reply Thu 31 Jan, 2013 07:20 pm
"Immediate family only.'

That means just family, no boyfriends, since she is paying the bill.

Either that, or everyone pays for their own dinner. Then anyone can come.

Reply Fri 1 Feb, 2013 09:10 pm
Thanks, Punkey.
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Reply Mon 2 Oct, 2017 12:43 pm
It's up to your mother. If she can't afford to have everyone's boyfriends come too, then she simply needs to say while inviting her grandkids "I just want to have a family-only bonding time with you guys, just us"
If her granddaughter replies "can ____come too?" just reply "I just want it to be a special grandma dinner so we can catch up.. we can have ___ over some other time."

Either way it would seem to me the polite thing would be to allow the boyfriend to come as well seeing how it is Valentine's day.
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Reply Tue 3 Oct, 2017 06:27 am
Like others said it is completely up to the grandmother. If she has limited income and doesn't want to pay for a boyfriend that is fine and fully within etiquette seeing this is supposed to be a grandmother/grandchildren dinner - they are not married and no one else is bringing a friend. Similar if it has nothing to do with money, but because she just wants only her grandchildren there.

What I would suggest where one has a boyfriend and it is Valentine's Day - the granddaughter with the boyfriend, understandably would want to spend time with her boyfriend on Valentine's Day - so grandmother could have the Valentine's Day dinner the day before or after or even do a lunch or brunch - that way leaving the actual VD's evening available to the couple.
Reply Tue 3 Oct, 2017 07:22 am
Old post, but willing to chime in.

Good idea, Linket.

We are at the stage where we always get stray friends or BF/GF coming along for a family event. I don't know how many Thanksgiving dinners we have to pull up extra chairs. This isn't such a problem at home.

But at a restaurant, one would hope they would have gotten permission to bring someone along, but it doesn't always happen. Parents should teach their children better. The grandmother should not have to handle this kind of stress.The parent can pay for the daughter's extra person. Put this back on the parent's shoulders.
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