Strangers!

"A stranger is someone you don't know". Period. Then take it from there on what ever level she can understand it.

Linkat--

The "Stranger Danger" lectures should start NOW--before your five year old tests her wings. One approach I used was that there were some adults who looked like happy people on the outside, but inside they were very nasty children who liked to play with Real Children so hard that sometimes the Real Children would break.

Make it clear to her that you would never, ever, ever put a stranger in charge. If the stranger claims to be from mommie or daddy she is to check with you before obeying.

Were you aware that more children are molested by family members and friends of family members than by strangers?

Talk about "good touches" and "bad touches"--and "good secrets" and "bad secrets".

As for the smiling: Read "Little Red Riding Hood" and "The Three Little Pigs" and "Chicken Little" to her. Emphasize the grins of the friendly carnivoires.

Good luck.

Great thoughts on the books Noddy24. I would not have ever thought of that. I will definately try that. I have spoken to her here and there on strangers and given her examples if so and so asked you this would you go with her? The hardest thing I seem to have to overcome with her is the smiling part.

Yes I have heard of the stats that most children are molested by family members than strangers. Luckily, my children have only been under the supervision of close family members that I completely trust and my older daughter at her school - where it is structured in such a way that such things would be very difficult to happen. Not to mention surprise visits by mom and dad to ensure the school is being run as we see fit.

Children are so trusting and beautiful. It's a shame to have to muddy their sweet innocence.

I agree. I really wish I did not have to tell my daughter these things. The first time I tried, I used her little toys and played a game with it. When it turned out that one little guy was mean she gave me a look of horror that broke my heart.

Until she gets ready for Shakespeare, Foxy Loxy is tops in the Smiling Villain department.

Silly, silly Chicken Little!

I am the perfect person to answer this question, since I often give candy to children I don't know. On average, children under the age of three are too scared of anyone they don't know to accept candy. That is fear, rather than rational thinking. That rational thinking starts at about age 5, which is when there is too high of a percentage of children who do not trust you. I have found the the best target for my activites is children between the age of 3 and 5. They almost always accept free candy. Hope that helps.

SCoates, I've started to recognize the off-kilter irony, but yuk.

Linkat, I've thought about this one a lot. My three-year-old daughter was recently in a situation where a friend hurt her feelings very badly; he said that he would stop being friends with her if she told us (grown-ups) about something he broke. She was spooked, she zipped her lip when he was around, then spilled the beans when he left the room and was disconsolate for days at the thought that he wouldn't be her friend anymore.

They made up, it was fine (he actually has been especially sweet to her since), but I took the opportunity to have some talks with her about the fact that if ANYONE does ANYTHING that makes her sad or uncomfortable, tell me. No matter what it is, ever, tell me. The hard part was examples, I don't want to make her scared of the mailman or god forbid her grandparents. So I just used the example of what already happened -- sometimes even people we love very much can do things that are hurtful, and that's not OK.

It's tough.

Oh and just want to second Noddy's recommendation of classic fairy tales -- that is, in large part, their function. The false smiles, the strangers who appear friendly ("have some of this lovely red apple, Snow White") but have deadly intentions, etc.

And beyond all that, it's been fascinating to see grad school theses played out with my daughter -- I see how when she has gone through something stressful, or is anticipating something stressful, she wants to read scary stories. She gets tense and worried, but they have their happy endings, and she sighs and feels better. These stories help kids learn to deal with unpleasant emotions.

I only meant that I give them candy. I didn't intend to imply anything else (other than establish a creepy mood).

Well, yeah, the creepy mood thing was the yuk.

Ah... indeed.

Noddy, too funny. I taught my kids about strangers and candy by using Hansel and Gretel. Actually most of those old stories have very powerful messages. Brothers Grimm, Mothergoose, Aesops Fables, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and the apple.


Just on a side note, a policeman friend of mine told me he get very discouraged with parents some times. He said, when a little boy acts out, sometimes a mother/father will threaten the child, harmlessly, saying if you don't cut it out....I'll call the police. You get the drift.
Anyways, these little kids become scared of the police, because they arrest bad kids! and then when or if they become lost or worse, they are afraid to go to the police.

Ceili I have heard that also about the police. It makes me remember back when I was a child and mom told me a similar thing. Well one day I was lost (about 1 minute) in the mall and started crying. A policeman saw me and started walking toward me, I became frightened and ran in the opposite direction, luckily right into my mom's arms. I was very young and can still remember the incident.

yep. but i have been teaching the stranger beware since my oldest was just under 3

Hmm... I don't care for policemen. Mall ones are fine, but the traffic ones just harrass. That's their job... to harrass. 'Can't stand it.