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So confused over my feelings for long term boyfriend.

 
 
Reply Tue 22 Jan, 2013 07:57 pm
I'm only 18, so when i mention that my relationship is "serious" alot of people go yeah, sure... but when i say that we have been together for 3 and a half years they tend to take it seriously.

I dont know whats going on anymore though. People used to look at me and my boyfriend and know instantly that we would be together forever. Recently though, a friend asked me if we were still together because of how i have been acting with him. I love him to pieces but i just cant seem to act normal around him. I dont want to talk to him on a daily basis, i dont want to have sex with him, i dont even want to kiss him! I just feel like i want to be left alone for a while, i want to explore my options, but i dont want to lose him.

Alot of my friends have suggested that we go on a break but we arent that couple. We have spoken about this idea before and we both agreed that if one of us suggested going on a break, we might aswell break up because we dont want to constantly be that couple who are forever breaking up and getting back together. Its just not us. But then we havent exactly been acting like "us" recently so i dont think it would make much of a difference.

I just cant get this feeling out of my head. Im confused all the time. I wake up and think ive sorted it out and then through out the day little things are nagging at the back of my mind telling me that i am wrong because i wont be able to just start talking to him if i feel like it, i wont be able to just ring him up and compain about my day. I wont ever feel him hug me or kiss me in the same way again. I know i will miss him so much and it hurt to think about not being with him. But i cant stay with him and keep treating him like this. I dont think about him i only think about our relationship, not him as a person. I dont talk to him until im spoken to and sometimes i dont even reply. He tells me 'i love you' and i hardly say it back. I cant deal with hurting him, but i also cant lose him!

Help Sad I have no idea what i am supposed to do.
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ossobuco
 
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Reply Tue 22 Jan, 2013 08:42 pm
@hollie017,
You are supposed to explore what you want to do with your life.
You are thinking this guy you want to be left alone by should be yours for the next sixty years? Forever is a long long time.

You don't want to lose him? Of course you do. You barely know who you are yourself yet.

being infatuated for some time does not mean you need to sign up for a lifetime.
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FBM
 
  2  
Reply Wed 23 Jan, 2013 04:13 am
@hollie017,
Hollie, I'm 50 and want to share some advice that I hope will last you a long time and help you avoid a lot of heartache: nothing helps a relationship more than honesty. If you don't feel it, don't fake it.

I think if you sit down with him and explain yourself like you did in the OP, you'll both be better off for it. If you've already done so, please ignore this. But as for me, I had to learn how to be honest about my feelings not only with others, but to myself, too. I was much, much older than 18 before I developed this ability.

What you're feeling isn't anything that another gazillion people haven't felt before. You're not an alien and you have no just cause to feel guilty about your feelings (just in case you are). But if you don't share those feelings with him, there's not much way he can respond in a way that helps resolve the problem. Best of luck!
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