unsettled heart

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Well I'll start here. I've been married to my wife for 1 1/2 now and its been quite distant. We dated for 7 years on and off for the first 3. The reason we were on and off was due to the first love. I was with her since I was 13 til we were 18. She dated one of my friends after that and forgave her for that. Not him. After her it was my wife. On and off again for my ex. I was very selfish and didn't worry to much about anyone else. Since, I've grown more mature and realize my antics. Anyways, me and my ex have been talking again now, which we haven't for about 5 years. Out of the blue we both sent each other a message on a special day for us. Since we've both admitted that we we're still in love with each other and both have thought of each other as "the one" for years now. The hitch. She's married. Claims she married for the wrong reason and the reason was that she was pregnant. She has a beautiful daughter and will do anything to do right for her. We've discussed the idea of us and I would be more than ready to take care of her and her daughter. I have no kids, been wanting them but my wife keeps putting me off. Could be a good thing., the question I have is, is it fair to ask this other woman to put her life in shambles for me.? She has a lot more to loose and she is not happy in her marriage. I feel that the constant rekindled love will never fade away completely and I'm only being unfair to my wife. What to do?;

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You two need to discuss this at length.

Are you SURE you want to blow apart two marriages and a parenting issue to spend time with the love of your life?

Are you SURE she's the love of your life?

The grass always looks greener, you know . . .

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@farmer2247,

You made a vow so stick with it. You married your wife and made a promise to her, your families and the community that youi would stick with her and love her and work out differences.

For the moment things are little troubling with your wife so you want to bale now 'cause thing's are a little hard? Or just because you and your ex are fantasizing a bit in your idle times?

Do you really want to ruin your wife's life and her trust, too? What about the impact on her, her and your families (kids..and parents) etc?

The grass is always greener in the other yard.

Stop fantasizing and work out your differences with your wife. Marriage is an important step in your maturation. It can be hard work! There's some
'heavy lifting' at times. Who says that after awhile you won't come up to the same problems with your former g/f? After all, she has made some serious errors, as well.

I don't see any evidence of your stating that you're miserable or there's irreconcilable differences. Are there any? Distance can be overcome with some heartfelt conversations. When waas the last time you had a heart-to-heart convo with her?

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@farmer2247,

If your X died tomorrow think what you would do ---- then go and do it.

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@tenderfoot,

What kind of advice is that? Would you say that to you brother-in-law if he and your sister were having troubles?

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@Ragman,

Yes... All that has been said is the truth,, for Christ sake hes only thinking about his bloody self, All I said was what would you do if the one you love so much ceased to exist, in other words... your not the end of the world you know, think very carefully of how your actions will hurt others who have noting to gain from your actions and would perhaps loose something just as precious as what you want for yourself.

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unsettled heart

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