Am I being taking advantage of? What should I do?

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So I have been dating a girl about a month now (I realize the length is not very long that's why I'm questioning things now) and lately I just feel like I am being taken advantage of. For starters she has been acting kind of distant but then sometimes she doesn't which basically confuses me.On top of that she told me not too ask her to make plans simply because she doesn't know what she will be doing on that day and she doesn't want to cancel on me. For example the other day I asked if she wanted to hangout and she said she would have to see if her roommates wanted to do anything first; basically I feel like the last option in her book. She also said from now on she will ask me to hangout and in other words said I don't have a say in when we do. I am the type of person who is hard to please at first but I try to be very sweet to a girl ONCE we are dating and I'm afraid that could be why she is taking advantage of me. With that said I've talked to her about it and she says im being over dramatic and over thinking things making me feel even more dumb about the whole situation. What should I do? I know just cutting things off now might be the only option but she is a great girl sometimes which makes it hard but I've tried talking to her and she says I'm being frustrating, over dramatic, etc. Any advice or answers would be greatly appreciated thanks. Too add a little more she also says she needs a lot of time to get close to a guy but should I give her this time?

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@acp,

I don't see this as being taken advantage of. She does seem the kind of person who is going to go her own way. So do you, by the way. If those different ways seem imcompatible in the long term, you may have to shift your attention to someone else.

It's also possible the relationship is not as important to her as it may be to you. I would say that while you are being treated kind of casually, you are not being taken advantage of. You might go along on her terms, but if you can't work with that and don't think things will be changing, well, see something else.

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@roger,

Thanks for the reply. I think maybe I just like her more than she likes me right now, do you think I should wait it out or no?

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@acp,

Sorry, I have to leave you where I found you. Only you can answer that question, because only you know yourself well enough to answer - or at least you should. If I were seriously interested in her, I think I would have to back away from the whole thing. If I just thought of her as a casual, sometimes playmate, I could go with it. In other words, I would avoid any emotional envolvement. Understand, I'm not saying anything bad about the girl; the two of you may just be incompatible, at least at this time, and trying to change people is an exercise in frustration.

That's what I think I would do. I am not you, and this is totally subjective.

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@acp,

acp wrote:

For starters she has been acting kind of distant but then sometimes she doesn't which basically confuses me....the other day I asked if she wanted to hangout and she said she would have to see if her roommates wanted to do anything first; basically I feel like the last option in her book. She also said from now on she will ask me to hangout and in other words said I don't have a say in when we do.

Obviously, if she really cared about you, she wouldn't do any of those things I bolded. She'd be hanging onto your every word, accepting your dates, etc. I think you should move on, hon... she's just not that into you and you deserve better. JMO, and I've been around a while. (Not as long as Roger, but he's a guy, so what does he know?)

1 Reply

@Mame,

Mame wrote:

(Not as long as Roger, but he's a guy, so what does he know?)

Well yeah, but sometimes the male perspective is better than no perspective at all. Not that we seriously disagree, here.

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@roger,

Babe, you're right... and I like your perspective.

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@acp,

Yes, she's using you. It may not be conscious, it may not be from any streak of nastiness...but she is using you. She's getting whatever from you, and rate ultra low on the importance scale (see Mame's response)....but you already knew the answer to your question didn't you?

Quote:

What should I do? I know just cutting things off now might be the only option but she is a great girl sometimes

Sometimes? You do realise that people can be absolutely lovely (in general), and still not be compatible with what you need for a happy relationship?

Quote:

Too add a little more she also says she needs a lot of time to get close to a guy but should I give her this time?

No.

Her problems are her problems...and if she lets her problems result in her treating you like a leftover...and you say 'yes that's alright'...

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@vikorr,

I was probably being too easy on her.

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Shes' being honest with you. She does NOT want to start up anything with you.

So let it drop. Move on to another gal.

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Am I being taking advantage of? What should I do?

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