What do I do about my lonely and bored mother?

Forums: Mother, Family, Mental Health, Depression, Advice
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My moms traits:

-stay at home mom
-old
-single
-hates men
-hates technology
-hates change
-hates leaving the house
-suffers from depression
-cooks, cleans (probably dislikes it)
-feels unloved
-lonely
-bored
-only human contact is with grandchildren

So, what can be done to relieve her loneliness and boredom?

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Type: Question • Score: 9 • Views: 7,095 • Replies: 36

@PinkLipstick,

nothing, unless she wants you to, you can't run her life

0 Replies

@PinkLipstick,

If you feel you must try to do something for her get her medical attention for the depression.

2 Replies

@jcboy,

jcboy wrote:

If you feel you must try to do something for her get her medical attention for the depression.

And get other family members to support your mother.

Also, find out what interests (possible hobbies) your mother has and help her start doing them when she doesn't have any imperative household chores and to help her with the burden of these household chores so she does have time for these hobbies.

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@jcboy,

I've thought of getting her an appointment to see a psychiatrist, but she refuses to go because, in her mind, she'll be labeled as "crazy".

1 Reply

@PinkLipstick,

Try to talk to her about allowing you to get to an appointment with her g.p. with her. Talk to the g.p. about the depression. The doctor may be able to recommend some simple techniques to help break the spiral of depression.

It probably sounds harsh, but if she doesn't interact with the outside world, why does she care if she's labelled as crazy?

2 Replies

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

It probably sounds harsh, but if she doesn't interact with the outside world, why does she care if she's labelled as crazy?

No one said that kind of "out of date"/obsolete thinking was rational. The trick is to getting her to remove these undereducated biases against therapy and getting help for ones depression and other social ills.

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@ehBeth,

It's not that she doesn't interact, it's that nobody wants to interact with her. And, in her mind, people will want to interact with her less if she's labeled as crazy. There are several reasons why people don't interact with her. For example, if we try to have a debate over anything, she'll get angry if you don't agree with her and will cry if she loses.

1 Reply

@PinkLipstick,

If she's depressed, there's no upside to debating anything with her.

Support her in getting to a doctor (family doctor to start).

Does she get regular exercise? i.e. does she walk or swim on a daily basis? do you think she could be convinced to go outside of the house on a daily basis for exercise if she saw it as being of benefit to the grandchildren?

2 Replies

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

... do you think she could be convinced to go outside of the house on a daily basis for exercise if she saw it as being of benefit to the grandchildren?

A little subterfuge to get around the mother's inhibitions and such. Excellent touch.

0 Replies

@ehBeth,

Since as far as I can remember, she's worn skirts and dresses, so when she goes outside, she goes like that, even when it's snowing outside. She hates going out when it's cold because of this, so she'd never be convinced to go out every day. She'd probably go exercise in the summer, but it never lasts long because nobody else in our family exercises.

I'd also like to mention that, because of her lack of human contact, she's resorted to becoming friends with all the bums and drunks in the area. She gives them food and water and they feel grateful to her so they listen to her talk in exchange.

4 Replies

@PinkLipstick,

I live in a city. If you're going to let irrational fear of the unlikely occurring (even in a deemed high crime neighborhood) then move.

Quote:

but it never lasts long because nobody else in our family exercises.

Perhaps THAT needs to change. Clearly your mother is quite impressionable and she's taking her cue from the rest of the family. If the family isn't going to help themselves or each other then your mother is going to remain emotionally and socially stagnate. For all you know, maybe you mother wants to do far more then she lets on but she sees a relatively unsupportive or inactive family and that places her in this lonely and bored state.

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Have you thought of introducing her to really good Tequila? A couple of stiff shots always loosens me up.

1 Reply

@PinkLipstick,

A crazy idea....
but if your mother interact so well with bums and drunks in the area maybe you could find one who is not drunk all the time to walk a bit with her for exercise. She gives them food and water.Maybe you can talk her into to do it on regular basis, so she has to plan ahead and always be around at noon or whatever.
Maybe she can even take some of them to a place where they can get help.
Maybe she needs to do something for others and not for herself.
Why can´t she go out in skirt or dresses? I go out in skirts no matter how deep the snow is - just put on a coat, boots, scarf and gloves.

1 Reply

May I ask how old she is?

She most likely is revealing a character that has been there all along; it's just harder for family to handle.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

She's probably close to being 50.

1 Reply

@PinkLipstick,

PinkLipstick wrote:

Since as far as I can remember, she's worn skirts and dresses, so when she goes outside, she goes like that, even when it's snowing outside. She hates going out when it's cold because of this, so she'd never be convinced to go out every day. She'd probably go exercise in the summer, but it never lasts long because nobody else in our family exercises.

sounds like you've got as many excuses as your mother for things not changing

exercise with her in the house - work on going outside - all of you could probably benefit

do something every day - change up the usual routine

0 Replies

@PinkLipstick,

PinkLipstick wrote:

I'd also like to mention that, because of her lack of human contact, she's resorted to becoming friends with all the bums and drunks in the area. She gives them food and water and they feel grateful to her so they listen to her talk in exchange.

bums and drunks are humans - so she's got human contact - just not the kind some people approve of

1 Reply

@PinkLipstick,

PinkLipstick wrote:

She's probably close to being 50.

you don't know how old your mother is?

do you know when her birthday is?

1 Reply

@PinkLipstick,

PinkLipstick wrote:

My moms traits:

old

close to 50 is not old

you need to do some reconsideration of the factors here

0 Replies

What do I do about my lonely and bored mother?

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