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Please help me with this sentence

 
 
mixi
 
Reply Sun 6 Jan, 2013 12:50 am
My management skills have developed through experiences, such as developing the protocol for the first research project at my facility

I feel like the "such as" phase should be followed by a series of nouns (she gave me a lot of food, such as pie, apple, and banana). Is there a better way to write this sentence. Thank you!
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 579 • Replies: 3
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MontereyJack
 
  1  
Reply Sun 6 Jan, 2013 01:05 am
The noun phrase you have there is fine, but you say "experienceS" (plural) but you only give one example; a second example might reinforce the point. And you might say something like "work accomplishment(s)" or "relevant work accomplishment(s)" which emphasizes that it was something you actually did, while "experiences" sounds more like it was just something that happened to you rather than something where you took some initiative to do achieve something. Alternatively, if you only want to cite the one thing, you could make experience or accomplishment singular.
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McTag
 
  1  
Reply Sun 6 Jan, 2013 03:02 am
@mixi,
To avoid that problem (although it's not a big problem imo) you could replace "such as" with "in particular".
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Andrew H
 
  1  
Reply Wed 9 Jan, 2013 12:40 pm
@mixi,
I agree with the other responses, however I also think this phrase:

first research project at my facility

is a little awkward. I propose the following:

first research project undertaken at my facility

or

first research project executed at my facility

Also, please note: The way you have written your sentence suggests that the research project was indeed the very first one carried out (executed, undertaken) at this facility, independent of any contribution made by you. If you really intend to identify this as the first research project that you were involved in, then a further rewrite would be needed.
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