Hi Osso, that's a possibility, and certainly I don't think it's from conscious awareness.
I try not arguing at all yet
Do you realise how much this contradicts your previous statements?
when told I did something wrong, I defend myself.
Most people do...and it rarely works. Do you know why?
If not, let me ask you a question...if someone hurts you, and you tell them....and they then ignore what you are saying, to tell you how unreasonable you are...or they attack you...how do you immediately feel (honestly?)...how do you react to that...in the instant?
Do you recognise the lack of care involved on the part of a person who dismisses your hurt?
Do you realise how that makes people react?
There's an old saying 'they don't care how much you know until they know how much you care'. That is to say - in conflict, knowledge (right / wrong / justifications etc) is irrelevant until they first know how much you care.
Briefly it's the accusation which bothers me and I cannot remain idle and take blame for something like that.
No one says you have to. In fact you should always stand up for yourself. The question is - in what way are you standing up for yourself, and is it working - for both you (first), and your girlfriend? It of course must work for you first (never do something that makes you disrespect yourself), and then your girlfriend (with respect)
As I said in my post, I always think of anything I say at this point as to not create a problem.
'Not to create a problem' for who? (see above)
Also, the words themselves aren't anywhere near as important as the tone with which they are conveyed, and the body language behind them (the words).
Most of it takes time to learn, and it's worth every moment spent.