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how could i change or rephrase the passage to be better and sound better?

 
 
Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2012 11:21 pm
i know i have reposted this for the third time i just really need help with it and cant come up with anything that sounds better and im under a time rush ): i did write the below once already in my lecture and would just like to repeat it

so with that new info added how can i change "as previously stated were used" and "which is again" i hate the way they sound and know their are better phrases and words to use i just really cant think of any i

the overall objective of the studies conducted as previously stated were used to try and solve the question which is again; does watching violence on tv cause adolescents to become more aggressive or are adolescents who are more aggressive simply more likely to enjoy violence on tv?

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 2,057 • Replies: 2
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MontereyJack
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Dec, 2012 11:53 pm
not totally clear which of your clauses is modifying what, but maybe something like,
As previously stated, the studies were analyzed to try to answer the question:...."

You sure you want to say, "the overall objective...were...."?
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pancakebattery
 
  0  
Reply Wed 5 Dec, 2012 06:10 pm
@dollxface,
I don't think you need to say 'as previously stated were used' or 'which is again' or any other phrases meaning the same thing. The reader already knows you've said parts of this before.

"the overall objective of the studies conducted was to try and solve the question..."

That sounds fine. Replacing 'solve' with 'answer' might even sound better.

This is probably just personal taste, though. I'm no help if you really want to replace those phrases with other phrases, sorry ^^;;
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