How to cope with a boyfriend with schizophrenia/ delusional disorder?

Reply Fri 23 Nov, 2012 05:22 pm
The reason I put schizophrenia/delusional disorder is because I'm not exactly sure, as he has not been diagnosed. He has thought that the government was watching him through reverse technology for quite a while, but about a month and a half ago he began saying how he believed he was Jesus and will become extremely upset and emotional that he is not able to "save" people. He believes that even small things are a "sign" meant for him (such as a shadow that looks like a squirrel-rabbit is his inner self, so he is going somewhere he is supposed to be) and that his thoughts are being subconciously broadcasted to everyone in the room (so they are talking about what he's thinking without knowing it). When he talks about these things to me, as he will do all the time, he gets so worked up about them that I don't really know what to say, so I'm left with either letting him talk for a while or trying to change the subject. He asked me yesterday if I was cheating on him with one of my guy friends and when I asked him why he thought that, he couldn't give me any reason at all and said that he just got suspicious. It kind of bothered me that when he apologized, he didn't sound the least bit sorry and said,"My bad". He is not violent or anything like that towards people (just walls occaisonally) and it is not too hard to cope with it right now, but he is only 17, has a mother with severe schizophrenia, and doesn't think anything is wrong. I'm worried that it will start to get worse both for him and, as someone who is still recovering from severe depression myself, for me to cope with. I don't know how to get him help either, because if I suggest he see a therapist he will say I don't understand and think he's crazy, and he won't tell me anything anymore. Also, I do not need to be told that I am young and should break up with him because even if we have not been dating long, we were best friends for a long time before we got together, I want to be there for him because I care about him, and I won't abandon him just because of a mental illness. Even if we broke up I would still want him in my life. I would greatly appreciate any other advice you could give.
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Reply Sat 24 Nov, 2012 08:26 am
Thank your lucky stars every day that you aren't married. And then thank them again that you don't have any kids together.

Run, do not walk, away from this train wreck.

He's only violent to walls? Honey, all he needs to do is slip once. Oops, my bad! Do you really want to press your luck with your personal safety?

I recognize that you care, but you are playing Russian Roulette with your own health and well-being, and he cannot be fixed by anyone who is not a professional. And he does not think anything is wrong. Right now, much as can occur with an alcoholic, you are enabling his behavior, I'm sorry to say.

Consider this - if he had lung cancer, you wouldn't be trying to treat him now, would you? And you probably wouldn't take no for an answer if he refused to be treated, or insisted there was nothing wrong, even as you found him spitting blood into tissues and handkerchiefs, right?

Well, this is just as hazardous a situation. This is unacceptable and it is downright dangerous - to him, and to you. And you are not going to convince him - he'd rather listen to the squirrel-bunny-shadow.

You cannot fix this. I am sorry. I realize you feel you are being compassionate but this is not helping things. Go. He will either get help, or he won't. If he does, great, and perhaps you can try to have a relationship again in the future. And if he doesn't, you saved yourself very possibly getting cracked across the face or worse if you dared to disagree with or insist he disobey the squirrel-bunny-shadow.
Reply Sat 24 Nov, 2012 10:01 am
You have done all you can as a friend: you encouraged him to get help.

His brain illness will escalate as time goes by. Soon he will turn on you. That's the nature of this disease.

You say you don't want anyone to tell you to leave him but you need to know that he is incapable of a quality relationship. He will become more and more needy as time goes by.

Begin to release yourself and put some distance between you and him in the romance department UNLESS he get some help. He is not willing to see things clearly and enjoys you being the audience for his antics and beliefs.
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Reply Sun 25 Nov, 2012 10:34 pm
I'm not trying to fix him, because I know there's nothing I could do to help. I just want to know how to cope with it, even just as friends.
Reply Sun 25 Nov, 2012 10:54 pm
Remotely, then, and I mean both physically and emotionally.
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