Fri 16 Nov, 2012 01:17 am
I’m a 22 year old female, been in a relationship for over a year and a half now. My question is - Why is it so impossible for me to be turned on by my boyfriend? I find myself not wanting to ever initiate sex, or ever even want it for that matter. I feel as if I definitely have a low sex drive, I get that, but how do I increase it? I’m not on any medications, and I don’t think that I’m depressed as I’ve read in other forums to be the answer, but it’s not. I’m not nervous, I’ve done it enough that I know what to expect and how to pleasure him, I just don’t get anything out of it on my end. I’m attracted to him, but I just can’t “get my rocks off” per say. He’s constantly horny, and tries to dirty talk.. which I’ve recently told him his comments are disgusting, saying things like “I’m gonna F you so hard, gonna make you squirt” like ew much? Some days I feel like I’ve just lost it all and don’t even wanna bother being in a relationship with anyone cause I’ll never be satisfied. I was in a previous 4 1/2 yr relationship that dragged on the same way. He’s an amazing guy, & I hate that I don’t have any desire for the bedroom, he knows I don’t, we’ve had the discussion, & he just keeps trying so hard thinking her can “concur” my problem. I honestly think I’ve never even orgasmed, cause I’ve heard “when it happens, you’ll know”. And.. that’s never occurred for me. Any insights?
If nothing turns you on, if you can't stimulate yourself, if you don't find yourself ever horny...then it sounds like you're better off seeing a doctor, possibly even a specialist.
We humans are very chemically driven about any number of things.
Of course, it may be psychologically derived, which is possible - and if so, seeing a psychologist may help, though in my opinion (and it is just an opinion), treating the chemical reasons may result in a much quicker 'breakthrough'.
i have heard old people say that they have never enjoyed sex, that they dont think that they are wired for it. my thoughts: this is very sad, but I dont know that they are wrong, and I dont know how to make them like/want sex.
best guess: there are certain circuits in your brain which do not work, and will not work unless a chemical fix is found.
I doubt there's anything wrong with you. Experiment by yourself - and allow plenty of time. Some women come quickly - some don't . Like you said - when you have an orgasm you'll know. If you can please yourself you'll know that the guys you've been with just haven't been very talented - and you might want to to share what you've learnt with your boyfriend.
I'll add to this that it seems that your man's communication skills leave something to be desired. Talk to him about it (and not during, or right before, or right after. Er, and maybe not over dinner).
E. g. you are very graphic when you talk about our bedroom time. And it's too much for me! I know what you want to do, but the fact is, I like romance. It doesn't have to be all flowery, but your current approach is not helping me to get into the mood. Let's try ....
And then tell him what you'd prefer hearing. Perhaps you'd like to role play.
He says, "I want to **** you so hard you'll squirt."
You'd rather hear something like, "I want to love you so well that you forget every other man."
See what I mean?
Please get a thorough physical. Perhaps your hormone level is low.
You really are missing something nice during the years when this should be one of the most exciting times for you.
Boyfriend needs to learn what to say when. He may be immature, which may be another reason why you don't get turned on.