How to get to know a cop legally?

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Hello,
I met a cop a couple weeks ago when I was filling out a police report because I was hit by a car. I am okay and healing well at home (glad not to be severely injured or dead), but the man that happened to do my police report was kind, communicative, my body type (big but not fat) and showed interest in me. Especially once he saw that my license said we were born the same year.He kept trying to touch me as if to comfort me but he touched my car instead and he stayed wishing me well in different ways 3-4 times - like he just was using any reason to stay and talk with me. I don't know if he was just flirting, has a gf or such, but I thought it was amazing how we met, plus I just felt this natural vibe between us. After asking around I found out legally he could not touch me for fear of a lawsuit. I laughed and said thank you , but taking a few vicoden for my pain I did not show point blank interest. He gave me his card and it has his business number and email. I sent him a really nice sincere note in thanks asking if I could buy him coffee in repayment. After doing so I learned that he cannot legally respond to that note. I asked him formally how to get my report and he answered nicely, but did not really ask me anything or give any clue about his interest in me or anything. I realize that he cannot legally give his personal contact information or such through his work email.
Can anyone tell me (who maybe is a cop or the wife of a cop ect) How can I legally ask him (through work contact tools) if he is interested in me, where he hangs out off duty, to give me his personal contact information or basically anything like that? Is there a right question I can ask him legally that he will be able to respond to through work email or am I basically screwed at ever getting to know him due to his job?
Thank you for all suggestions or advice :-)
kindnessmattersmost

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@kindnessmattersmost,

One: It's not illegal to fraternize with police.

Two: You need to space your sentences and paragraphs so it's easier to read. I don't understand why people write these massive blocks of text and don't realize how much easier to read if spaced properly. That more people would read it if it wasn't a challenge.

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after doing so I learned that he cannot legally respond to that note.

Three: Not sure what country you live in but in the US it isn't illegal. It may be highly unethical for him to go out with you.

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I realize that he cannot legally give his personal contact information or such through his work email.

No. Not a matter of illegality. It just might be his lazy and simple way to show you he's not interested in you without directly saying so and hurting your feelings.

Sorry but I don't think he's that into you. That his initial flirty/friendly behavior just might be the way he treats all women.

Any further attempt to contact him for personal reasons might appear to be stalkerish.

1 Reply

@kindnessmattersmost,

Thanks for the responses. I agree he may just be being a man, but it is illegal to respond to my invitation out through work email. I found that out from someone who is dating a cop. It's too bad I get so many flirts but nothing real. Yeah I thought I could come across as stalkerish if I answered back so I did not. Thanks for the advice. It's too bad good men are so hard to find.
BTW I wrote such a long response because the details are what is important - I have learned from posting on other sites years ago :-) Thanks again for the info and such a quick reply.
I was honestly just being nice ... but oh well. It is illegal to ask a cop out through his work email. Look it up!
I wanted to email him in a few weeks asking something but I don't know what I can ask lol He does not just hang out at the office for me to ask him out in person :-)

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@kindnessmattersmost,

I would like to read other opinions/suggestions if possible .... Thank you

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@kindnessmattersmost,

Aha! You know someone who is dating a cop. You have connections; use them. If this friend of a friend discovers that he isn't interested, you've lost nothing. He might even pass the word to you gently.

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@roger,

Yes, but her connection is of a different county and she met him through a friend of a friend - not in uniform at a party so she had no idea he was a cop. If everyone has stereotypes towards cops - I mean come on they are people to ... the first reply to my post was honest and may have some merit to his reply but is everyone going to give me the same reply? I mean can't you guys be somewhat positive to me. You don't have to tell me he is my soul mate , but I would value more in a response than write more clearly and I hate long posts. It's mean when I am healing after an "accident" where I did nothing wrong. Guess I am just dreaming :-)
So far everyone thinks he is playing me. I value that advice, but don't you ever think different of cops? If I said he was a baker would you reply differently? Just curious ....

1 Reply

@roger,

She has told me of the law - esp in small towns like the one I live in, but was positive - maybe she is a dreamer to. I don't get to see her often or ask her much while she is working ... that is why I am posting here :-)
I should have never posted my connection ...

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@kindnessmattersmost,

I offered a positive possibility. The objection wasn't mentioned in the original post.

You've got his name, right? It should be on the accident report, if nowhere else. Use the telephone and leave a message with your phone number. If they ask, tell them it's in regard to something on the accident report.

I didn't criticize your writing in any way.

1 Reply

@roger,

Rodger,
I wasn't really replying to you in negatively. It's just I have had the same sort of response and I understand that, but I am so tired of guys repeatedly leading me on or such. I know that's how they are naturally, but it's annoying to someone mature and wanting a real realationship - even just a coffee date to make me feel positive during my healing time. I have his name because he gave me his business card, with my case number. I want my report just to see what was said by my witness and the woman who ran me over and claimed she did not see me LOL I am big and wore a bright colored shirt.
Maybe I will call and leave a message, but now I am not sure I want to make an effort if he probably cares less. Like all women I just hope for the improbable and most likely impossible lol
Thanks for being sweet :-)

1 Reply

@kindnessmattersmost,

Do it. If you don't get a reply in a week, move on to something else.

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@roger,

He's gonna reply to me first thing if it's business talk :-) He did before and that is why I am thinking wait a week or two to send him a question. Guys are so confusing ...I don't know how to separate the job talk from the personal and I know that's my issue :-P

0 Replies

Is there a lawsuit or the possibility that this officer may have to testify about this accident to the insurance company or in court? If so, you MUST back away from him until this is all over.

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@PUNKEY,

No ... Nothing like that
I have moved on to other things. It's like he is untouchable and why bother with it :-P
It's too bad, but oh well

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Since you don't really never found out if he has a wife, gf or what, you can assume that he does - or he's not as interested in you as you are him. Maybe he found out more about you and is not interested.

Should you give it a try after all this time? Sure. But get his background, first.

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@kindnessmattersmost,

kindnessmattersmost wrote:

in small towns like the one I live in,

if you're in a small town it's pretty easy to find out where cops hang out off-duty. some places even advertise when they've got 911 nights (firefighters/police/ems get in free)

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@ehBeth,

Yeah but I have kinda not been into trying it again when the only way I can contact him to ask him out or know what he is thinking about me pretty much is to fake run into him aka stalk him lol That's not me. I know he goes to a sanwich shop near me since he was bring one from there out of his car before he came to talk to me, but again is it worth the effort if I have to do everything? Rather meet someone easier to communicate with lol

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@roger,

Do what specifically Rodger? You never responded to my email ....

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@PUNKEY,

How do I get his background? I am not paying for it ..... I assume he did not reply to me through work email/phone due to the risk of losing his job. Yes he could be in a realationship and just flirting, but I would like to find out try again just to see what happens .... but I have no way of contacting him without appearing to be stalking him. If I contact him through his work email or phone he will politly respond but give no other contact info or questions due to his job. How do you suggest I get to know him?

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@tsarstepan,

tsarstepan wrote:

Sorry but I don't think he's that into you. That his initial flirty/friendly behavior just might be the way he treats all women.

I think he just liked her car.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Won't I appear to be stalking him? I would like to try to see and I can just move on if he acts uninterested, but how do I contact him without seeming to be stalking him?

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How to get to know a cop legally?

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