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Sat 10 Nov, 2012 12:43 am
I'm completely head over heels for my ex, and now BEST friend.
Brief history:
We dated twice. The first time I wasn't ready and the second time he wasn't. After nearly a year and a half or so of no contact we started emailing, then talking on the phone. - Now, we've been friends for nearly 6 months and talk everyday. Literally. It's all mutual contact. He contacts me first, I contact him first - no "waiting" games. If I have a question, I could ask and he would tell me, regardless of how deep it is. We both like the same things, goof off and be ourselves, and generally love each others company. We've expressed that we care about each other unconditionally, of course no use of the 'L' word.
We talk about everything and anything. He's told me things that he hasn't told his closest guy friends. We are both really open and honest with one another about any and everything. If you name the question, I could ask and he would tell me, regardless of how deep it is.We haven't been in one fight, AT ALL, in the nearly 6 months of being friends. We are supportive of everything to one another and we both care what the other thinks. He's verbally said, "well I was hoping you liked it" in regards to his tattoo and a few other things. If he's busy at work (he's an officer) he'll answer the phone to tell me he's on a call and he'll call right back, rather than ignoring it. As I've said, we never fight, but if something bothered me, he definitely wanted to mend it and make sure I/we were okay.
Problem:
A few months before we became friends again, he went through a breakup. His ex was a long distance relationship and she had an entirely other life (and boyfriends). They dated a year and she clearly broke his heart. He's not talk to any women other than myself - as more than an acquaintance anyway. I live nearly 6 hours away now, but I went to visit and stay with him once recently. I'm crazy busy busting ass in college as a senior double major and he had a rough time healing from a broken heart by the first girl he actually let his guard down to. We both care about each other unconditionally, but I'm just not sure what to make of all this caring. I've been really patient and just an awesome friend to him, and he has done the same, but I feel like things are in limbo. Anyway feedback on the potential status? Opinions and/or questions please!
Distance + a relatively recent breakup on his part, eh?
Well, you've got a good friend there. And there is a chance for more. Personally, I tend to think that 6 months is the Statute of Limitations on heartbreak when a relationship hasn't made it to the engagement/living together/marriage/having a kid or at least talking about it stage. Individuals differ, of course.
So I'd say he's ready. The real problem is the distance. Surely you realize that things are idealized. You have never seen him just out of bed, hair askew, morning breath, etc. And that is fine but do take off the rose-colored glasses.
So - ask! Say something like (when he's not busy and when he's at home. Don't bulldoze him with this when he's at work), "Steve (er, insert his correct name here, of course), we've known each other for a while, and I'm really comfortable with you, and I believe you're really comfortable with me. I know the distance exists and I'm not going to deny it. But I like you - that way. And I think you might like me. Do you? Do you want to make a go of it?"
And see what happens. See, with this, he gets the chance to bow out gracefully and perhaps retain the friendship, in case he still isn't over his ex, or is still suspicious about women, or the distance thing just freaks him out.
It is possible but understand that the dynamic will change. A long-distance relationship versus a long-distance friendship should bring with it more visit expectations, and probably more and different contact expectations. And, at some point, there is the endgame, which will consist of either the whole thing fizzling out or one or both of you moving. So understand - this is not like a relationship where he lives one town over.
Best of luck to you.
If what you thinks might feel him comfortable, then do it and gain more patient towards him.
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