We haven't had sex in almost a year

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I am so frustrated. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. At the beginning, sex wasn't an issue. Although I was living with my parents at the time, and busy being a single mom, we took every chance we had to have sex. It wasn't as frequent as we wanted, but it was satisfying and frequent enough to not be a problem.

About a year ago, something changed. He just seemed to stop wanting sex. He did start working long hours, and he doesn't feel comfortable having sex with my child in the house, but he stopped making any sort of effort even when we had "alone time". I started to feel really hurt and really frustrated. When I asked him about it, he would get angry and start fights with me. As a result, we've been very off and on lately. The last time we had sex was about 8 months ago, and that's only after I complained. He has made no initiative since then. Actually, he barely even kisses me anymore.

Other than the lack of sex, we have no problems. I love and trust him. We always have a great time together. But I am constantly feeling unwanted and unattractive, and like there's something wrong with me. I mean, what 28 year old guy doesn't want sex with his girlfriend? Because Ifeel like this, I tend to start fights.

We had a great night out last weekend that ended up with us in our separate beds. I don't even make an effort anymore... Just to be shut down? I told him the next day that I was tired of being in a sexless relationship. I'm young too, and attractive, and miss feeling wanted like that. I miss being able to show my love in that way. It makes me so sad that I don't have that with him.

What do I do? Leave him? Is lack of sex enough of a reason to leave a great guy?

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@Rgrdlaw,

Sorry you are suffering this way. You deserve to have what you want in a relationship. It isn't just about the lack of sex or intimacy. It's also about trust and openness of communication 'cause you're not getting that either. He's not THAT great a guy, if he's rejecting you like this, is he?

A single mom who lived at home has some major roadblocks when involved in an intimate relationship. Unless you can go to the b/f residence, it can problematic. Perhaps that parent's residence issue worked out eventually?

Another man,,,the right one..who appreciates you more...may respond differently. his tiredness for his long work hours has dragged on but it can't be an excuse to continue on not to have sex. If there's no communication about how to resolve this, you're in an impasse.

Good luck but..perhaps putting an end to this could be in your best interests. Of course, you should try to discuss your needs with him directly and plainly and let him know the seriousness...and that you mean business..about ending it...not idle threats.

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I meet up with a woman at my dog park who has been going through this for four years. She's no longer interested in initiating it (which is how it always happened) with him but she still wants sex. She's 42. She talks about this a bit from time to time and they've been seeing a counsellor and she's going to one on her own. She finds it frustrating, too, because she loves him but there's no intimacy. Apparently he doesn't even ever touch her. Yet he's possessive of her. He wants her to spend all her time with him.

I have met a few asexual people in my lifetime... you may have one of those. If that's the case, the situation will likely not improve. Like my dog park friend, it's up to you what you can live with. Maybe see someone about this, alone and together. But there's no point starting a fight about it. He is what he is, and I think you have to just accept that.

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@Ragman,

@Ragman

Thanks for your reply!

I forgot to point out that I actually moved out of their house into my own place about a year ago, the same time this all started.

I'm so sick of talking about sex, and fighting about sex. This shouldn't be so much of a problem, right? You are exactly right in saying I'm not getting te level of communication I deserve, as well.

I did end things a few days ago, telling him that I jut can't feel like this anymore. I think it's just so hard to really walk away.

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@Mame,

@mame

Thanks for your reply!

Funny, he's possessive of me a bit too. He is also so good at showing his love for me in other ways...

I've thought about the asexuality thing. But when we first started, the sex was amazing and he was very into it! I've even asked him if he could possibly be gay... I just need some sort of explanation!

I know I couldn't last 4 years like this. I like the counseling idea. I don't know if he'd go for it though.

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@Rgrdlaw,

Rgrdlaw wrote:

@mame

Funny, he's possessive of me a bit too. He is also so good at showing his love for me in other ways...

I know I couldn't last 4 years like this. I like the counseling idea. I don't know if he'd go for it though.

She says the same, too, about how good he is to her otherwise.

I read a Dear Abby on another board recently where this woman who wrote in hadn't had sex in 40 years!!!!! I'm glad you moved out - this could have been your scenario! (not likely, though, right? lol)

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@Mame,

49 years??!!!

Ugggg!!!! I need it at least once a week Smile

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I wonder why this happened.

Did you suggest he go to a Dr. for a checkup?
Is he depressed? On medication for it or for some other ailment. He may be impotent because of medications and does not want to start up anything he can't finish.

He needs a physical.

Or . . . he may be gay.

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@Rgrdlaw,

... but you said you ended it a few days ago, right? How would couples therapy help you now?

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@Rgrdlaw,

Sounds like your boyfriend loves you but doesn't desire you.
Dump him.

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@Jecksoul,

He's having sex, just not with you.

Thing is your personal drama probably caused this. I'm sure he loves you, but is in love with someone else now. Live at home with a kid? How old is the kid? He should have bailed on you long ago. Raise your kid, and quit being so selfish that you wanna get laid while the kid is at home. I bet he's tired of having to be a father to a kid that isn't his and you don't realize all he does for you and your child and ill bet $100 you don't give him any respect or show appreciation (except in your own mind) to him.

Guys will do just about anything if the woman shows the smallest amount of appreciation.

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We haven't had sex in almost a year

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