He's watching porn and other women, I'm in love with someone else (a woman)

Please pardon my directness here.
What difference does anyone else's opinion make about this situation? We on the Internet are strangers to you. If you need validation, I'd suggest therapy or counseling of some sort.

Possibly you might have a fixation on this woman because it's all still fairly novel to you. After all, you never have lived with her and have a romanticized view of her.

You still feel you love for your hubby and still live and make love with him...and call him your best friend. Seems like you should work on that relationship ...at least until it has resolved one way or the other ... instead of confusing yourself and others. A lot is at stake.

What matters the most is your's and your hubby's opinions. If you were both adjusted to these dynamics and it worked, then that's all that matters. However, if you're not, then perhaps some counseling for one of both of you would help.

Thanks for your answer. I've written this because I'd like oppinions of those who went through a similar expirience. What did they do and did it work? I'm confused, should I stay with him, shold I tell her how I feel? You see my point?

Lots of things going on here. In no particular order -

1) You've got a crush on someone (at work? I'm gonna go with that). That happens. People get deeply involved with a coworker because they're working on a deadline or whatever. Plus you see that person at their best or near-best a lot of the time. After all, we put on nice clothes for work. We shower. Women wear makeup. We say please and thank you and all of that. But recognize it for what it is. You (usually) don't experience people doing all of the intimate not so wonderful things we have with spouses and long-term relationships. E. g. farting, hogging the remote, leaving the toilet seat up, dirty laundry on the floor, etc. etc. fill in your pet peeve here. Take away the unwashed dishes and whatnot and your husband may very well be seen in the same light as this gal at work. The whole situation sets it up for you to idealize someone. So step back and understand you are being unfair, as anyone you live with cannot possibly measure up, in pet peeve areas, to anyone you work with.

2) Your husband and looking at other women. I take it there is no touching involved. I gotta say, I find looking to be way down on the alarm-meter, but maybe that's just me. I look, my husband looks, everybody looks. Perhaps he is more obvious than most. And if he is unfairly comparing these women to you then that isn't very nice at all. But understand it's the exact same species of unfairness as your work crush. Those women at the beach or wherever - he has never seen them with the flu. He has never had an argument with them about whose turn it is to change the cat litter. Etc.

3) Your husband looking at porn. Slightly higher on my alarm-meter but again, I find it to be minor but perhaps that is just me. I know it bothers a lot of women. But a lot of women do not get that the vast majority of men look at porn. There is a very, very good reason why porn is THE killer content online. 'Cause it's got a nearly inexhaustible audience. It is a visual stimulus thing. Violent porn is an issue as it can be a sign of something else (e. g. getting pleasure out of suffering). And if it is being watched while you are willing and are being ignored, yeah, you've got a damned good reason to be pissed. But if it's watched when you're not around - well - hate to break it to ya - but lots of things happen when we are not around (who do you think ate the last of the potato chips? )

4) Attractions to others of the same sex - I am not going to tell you this is garden-variety because it is less common. Certainly if attraction turns into touching then you've got a major problem on your hands. Has it? Does it threaten to do so?

I personally think you're both kinda bored. And you're looking for external stimuli. Have you tried working on these issues together? I mean really working on them. You say he is your closest friend. Then fight for this relationship to work out.

..and if I may add to the good advice that Jespah just mentioned...

Should you and your hubby be in the midst of...let's say...some sort of a financial difficulty or arguing about issues like bills ... long term affordability..child-raising or elder-care issues......or issues of a serious nature..it makes things more complicated or harder.

However I see no mention of roadblocks or even poor communications between you too. What about counseling for one of you or both?

The grass is always greener when the grass may also have breasts?

Thanks for your answer. I find some of your points quite helpful. However, I think you have missunderstood the thing with my husband watching porn and other women. What bothers me is him crying about what he has done. Too much remorse and blaming himself of being weak. It feels like he would had taken a drug (he knows he shouldn't) and then asked for my forgiveness. That's what bothers me.

This "crush" you have over this other woman is not reciprocated, so stop talking about "love" - you don't have the right to assume that she is in any way intersted in you like that. Most likely, she thinks of you in a loving manner as a daughter. (If she has made ANY gesture, ie. holding your hand, asking you to meet her, telling you about her marriage, etc. then you might have a case. For now it's all in your head.

What ELSE do you and your husband do? Sound like there's a lot of energy spent on sex in this marriage. Is that all there is?

Men at least most men look at porn and checked out other women and can still be loyal to his partner.

If anything my wife find my porn collection a source of amusement and surely not a threat of any kind to our relationship.

Somehow I am getting the impression that you wish to use his normal male behaviors as an excuse to have an affair.

Let me understand... if that's (hias remorse) is what bothers you... his asking and crying about forgiveness for watching porn etc..., then I'm missing why you claim this impacts you so much. Why would all that make you want to have an affair with another woman if your sex life with your hubby is as good as you say it is! And you said that he's your best friend. This isn't adding up.

Are you somehow upset about his past with being attracted to men?

I'm with Ragman on this one. Your husband feels remorse. It means he wants to work on your marriage. So why the hell are you checking out of it, on your best friend (your term, not mine) in favor of a woman who is likely just being kind to you and has no clue about the depth of your crush (it's a schoolgirl crush, as if you were 12 years old again)??!?!

Thanks for you answer. What bothers me is the fact I just can't get her out of my head and heart. When I had a crush in the past it was for about a month or two and after that I managed to see that person in a normal way, as a friend, there was nothing sexually appealing about her anymore. But with this woman more than a year and a half.
Sex is actually not a big issue in our marriage, I have only mentioned it for a better understanding of what is going on. I feel we are more friends and roommates than love and sex partners. We have mutual hobbies, we go around, we do a lot of things together.

I have to listen to him a lot! Too much. He is crying and complaining every day. It's annoying! I've told him, I don't like him telling me about all of his mistakes. But he still does it and says sorry for every one of them.
I don't think my crush is related to his porn&women watching. It's not like I would have sex with her because my husband is watching porn. I don't want to get even with him or something.
I don't care whether he was with men or women in the past. It's the PAST.