Open Relationship and Jealousy -- NEED Help

I will be as brief as possible. The course of my life has led me to desire, seek and find a relationship with a sexually charged woman. We've been together for 3 years now. My perticular needs/desires revolve around swinging and/or watching my girl have sex with another man. A quick internet search reveals I am not alone. But her needs/desire revolve around needing men to fall in love with her. I carefully considered this and decided we could satisfy each others needs if she described her sex with other men to me. Yes, I realize we both have deep phycological issues, likely stemming from abandonment issues. But it was working beautifully until she started having feelings for a guy. Sex is one thing, an actual relationship with someone hurt me deeply AND... this is the tricky part... Really turned me on. I am unable to complete the classic transferance of love and hate. Its a jumbled mess in my head. I don't know what to do. Professional help is reserved for those that can afford it, so I am seeking non-professional help. My goal is to keep the part that I like and lose the jealousy. Please help.