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Emotional sex problems

 
 
nomojo
 
Reply Mon 1 Oct, 2012 11:51 am
Hey guys I think I can use some help here...
I am having emotional issues with the subject sex!
I am 30 years old male and have been having some serious troubles with erections for about 4 years now and it has disturbed my entire life for the period...
When I was younger i always been good with girls and didnt seem to have any confidence problems regarding sex... Unless when I was with someone more experienced than me it would make me feel unconfortable and sometimes almost panic... And then the sacred erection wouldnt apear...
I was on a long term relationship when the issue started to arise more permanently. I dont know if i lost interest in my girlfriend at the time or if i lost interest in sex but i guess it was with my girlfriend because id still feel like having sex with other girls and at the time i was going through some difficult times financially as we lived togheter...
But then i started to worry completely with this subject and maybe i got paranoid about it... So what happened is that all i could feel was negative emotions regarding sex and each time it started to get harder and harder to relax and finally get an erection... So i started to wonder what was my problem and that would consume my mind the hole time until it became a permanent state which kinda is still... I believed i had a problem physical or not that prevented me from getting and mantaing an erection... so I started to avoid any situation where I would be led to sex because I didnt want to feel disappointed by it and didnt want to disappoint the possible partner. I got so stuck with this state that it became natural to me, my sexual self became dormant and I would never get na erection naturally. I got to the point where I thought I wasnt an apropriate male.
All of this didnt stop me from going out with girls, beacuse the fact that I am a man and that I had some experience with attracting girls did naturally make me want to be with them even though I wasnt looking for sex.
And now I have a girlfriend for more than a year, a different one, and we do have sex a couple of times a week. We talked about it and she is not a sex addict so she told me she would be ok to have sex only when I felt confortable. And in fact when I get to feel confortable we do have great sex.
Now that I’ve been living with the issue for a while and I started to confront it, I want to resolve it to get back to normality, like been aware that i am normal and that I can have sex whenever i decide to.
I feel like the root of my issue is pure lack of confidence. And that lack of confidence changes completely my perseptions towards sex, that being when I manage to get relaxed and confortable with sex I feel completely diferent, even my posture changes, I feel stronger, I feel like a real man, and I look at girls differently with second thoughts, and eventualy I get a natural erection. Event though I never got tested with hormones or other physical tests i believe it is solely psychological/emotional. Another thing is that I believe that the physical consequence of this state is that I am generally tense, specially on the genital área, as those muscles in the genital área are not relaxed, so touch feels different, not atractive, in the whole body, but when I am willing for sex, touch feels good anywhere. Another thing is when I am willing to have sex i feel like kissing a lot, otherwise I have no interest in kissing.
I have read about NLP, hypnosis and meditation to figure out a way to snap out of de lack of confidence into confidence and desire, but I fail to find a consistent method for that. I never seen any proffessional regarding this issue, and I would like to leave that as a last resort, since I’ve done it by myself i believe it’s a question of acceptance.
So I would take any advice obviously, but I would like to hear what would be the Best method i could use to solve the issue.
I thank everyone in advance to try to help me, and sorry for the lengthy text.
Cheers.
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 962 • Replies: 3
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Oct, 2012 07:06 pm
You don't have a problem. Just have sex when you want to and when you are relaxed and can enjoy it.

I have a feeling you tried to "force" it before and have discovered that this is something that has importance about it. It's not a casual act.

Rejoice!! You are growing up!
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harris20
 
  0  
Reply Mon 8 Oct, 2012 12:34 am
@nomojo,
In this age 30 some time it could be occur problem . I think you have to consultation with doctor and tell them without hesitation.
dlowan
 
  2  
Reply Mon 8 Oct, 2012 03:35 am
@harris20,
I agree it would behold to exclude any medical problem.....I doubt it's that though...I suspect you are right that you have become a bit anxious.

I'd maybe google for cognitive behavioural treatment for sexual difficulties. I bet there are self help programs for guys, if it worries you and you'd like to have some useful info to work with. Make sure the authors at least look reputable it's an area with some real shonks!

Maybe just try googling mindfulness and sexual difficulties too....mindfulness is looking great for anxiety stuff....and it's kind of less anal than CBT.....which probably ought to be a pun.

Otherwise, just relax....or a bog standard suggestion is to forbid sex for a while and just do whatever you like to each other, but any attempt to have an orgasm is forbidden for a while.

But it's not my field.
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