Am I being PLAYED???

I presume you don't live together,because you talk about your "mate's home". Incidentally, in all the forms of English I know of, a "mate" is what a man calls a male friend, especially in Britain and Australasia, so I am not sure what your relationship with this person actually is. Animals have "mates" of the opposite sex.

Anyhow, if you don't live together, and you 1. Went nosing around his house 2. Rummaged in a jacket you found hanging up, then you went way past the limit of acceptable behavior. Although there is no excuse for this, there might be a reason, namely that you don't trust him. It sounds like he is aware of your tendency to snoop.

I don't think you should be together, and if there is any forgiving to be done, it is your "mate" that needs to forgive you. If you stay together, you must try to keep from spying on him.

While I normally don't think one should jump to conclusions, I must admit his response sounds a bit fishy. I would only ask you if you have had any other reasons to doubt his fidelity. If not, then maybe this was some sick game he was playing. But if he was "testing" to see if you would snoop, he sure could have done that without using condoms as the bait. He should be smart enough to know that doing so would lead you to asking the questions you are now asking yourself.

Bottom line, for me, I don't blame you for doubting his explanation. Seems like the two of you need to have a long chat.

EDIT: For some reason, I assumed by "mate" you meant your spouse/significant other where there is exclusive relationship between you. I also, maybe mistakenly, thought you two were living together. Missed the "mates house" reference. If you are not living together, then indeed you were wrong to snoop just as Contrex pointed out.

Find another "mate." The one you have can't be trusted. He's a smooth talker to boot.

Thanks for all the responses and sorry...my mate is my man. We both have FULL access to each others homes but I don't have anything to hide so if he's been fishing around my place while I'm away I would never know because he wouldn't find anything! Yes I have my suspicions...cell phone always on 'silent' or 'off' when we're together, a female friend calling one morning when I was there and when I asked about that he says that they're just friends who give each other wake up calls from time to time, a homemade CD filled with LOVE songs that I didn't reccord or even knew existed, and the list goes on. Yes his response was quite fishy to me too and when asked why he 'apologized' to me if he simply PLANTED the evidence he says that he only apologized because he felt he hurt me with this ploy. We have planned a long chat this weekend and at that time I and ONLY I will decide whether or not to proceed with this jacked up relationship. Sounds like I've already made up my mind, huh? I guess I was just trying to see what others would think on the subject.

You're so right and I thought the same thing. He could have planted a phone number or a number of other things but once condoms are added to the mix... joke or no joke...it makes you think the obvious. Thanks

Speaking from experience I'd say it's about 99.9% likely that he's cheating on you.

Thanks so much for your reply and of course I'm thinking (possibly even KNOWING) that he is cheating. Didn't want to believe the SIGNS that I noticed because of LOVE but now he's playing me for a FOOL and that's even more hurtful then the lies. You try not to jump to conclusions and try to give them an OUT by allowing them to come clean and explain what really happened to cause such a disception so that you can TRY to prevent it from happening again, but for some odd reason they don't get it. He's always told me that I provide his every needs and I'm more than enough for him and he couldn't handle me and another woman...lies!! Sorry I just needed to vent because I see that I'm gonna have to end this relationship to preserve not only myself but my sanity. Thanks for listening.

I really appreciate your response and your opinion, but he too has full-range of MY home and if he were to go NOSING around (as you put it) my place while I'm not at home he'd find NOTHING because I don't have anything to hide as he did. Look, although we weren't married or [technically] we didn't live together, we were [supposedly] in a committed relationship, we had keys to the others home meaning NO BOUNDARIES, I maintained his financial records, etc. [I was his WIFE WITHOUT THE PAPERS] and no matter how you look at it HE DID ME DIRTY!! Yes what I did probably wasn't the most moral thing to do but I had my gut feeling that he was up to no good (there were many SIGNS) and I just needed to get beyond all the lies he was telling and prove to myself that he was playing me...AND I DID!! And I guarantee that if you took a poll more people would be more apt to forgive a SNOOP than a CHEAT! Thanks again!!

One way to find out if you are as open and truthful as you suggest you are.

Tell him about this thread...give him a link to it. And talk to him about it.

Do you have the stomach for that?

There are HUGE trust issues with this relationship - on both sides.

This is going to self-implode shortly.

Of course I do and that was my intent from the beginning. I posted because I wanted to know what others thought on the issue so that I could print and present them ALL (good or bad, pro or con) to him when we have our upcoming discussion. I have several very close friends that I've confided in just to get there take on the situation & to vent, but I wanted to know what others [who have no stake in our relationship like friends and family do] thought to get a more objective view. I've suggested that he speak to someone regarding what has happened to get another prospective besides our own, but he doesn't think anything is wrong and is pretty much standing his ground. Come what may, we all need a bit of help from time to time and he just seems to think that everything done here is on the up and up! Thanks for your post.

It already has because the more and more I talk about and more prospective views I get on this matter, the more I know I don't want to have any parts of it any longer. I've never done anything like this before because I've never had a reason to. He's given me plenty of reasons these days and I didn't have to look HARD to find what I found, nonetheless they were still HIDDEN. Another thing, I've never given him a reason to doubt my fidelity in any way because all I have been is upfront and truthful...believe it or not I HAVE, so it's very hurtful to find out this type of thing has been going on and to be lied to constantly about it...to boot!! I didn't do anything to deserve this deception. Thanks

You know the man is not even a good liar as all he needed to said is that he found the old condums lying around the home/car some time ago and just throw then into his jacket and forgot about them.

Which bring up the subject why did you assume they was being hidden?

Lot of innocent reasons why a package of condums could had ended up in a jacket pocket beside cheating or him hiding them, the only thing that give the cheating theory any legs is his excuse/reason for having them there as it clearly make no sense at all.

Thanks for your response. There are really no good reason for condoms (not in the box with 2 missing) to have been hidden at all. And you're right...he is a terrible liar because he could have just put them in the same drawer that WE keep our own stash and I wouldn't have thought twice about it...could have avoided all the distrust and conflict. He was definitely being slim. Sorry

If my wife and I was using cond0ms and she found some in a jacket pocket in the same manner you did, I do not think off hands she would assume I was hiding them so that you did so assume is kind of telling about your trust levels to start with in the relationship.

Hell I do have some condoms way back in drawers and perhaps other places that are way pass there use by dates and I do not think my wife coming across them even those we do not used condoms would think they indicate anything other then that I never clean out my drawers and am not a good housekeeper.

In fact I can just see her asking me with a smile if I was keeping these as souvenirs of my past.............

In any case if he had not come up with some silly story about testing you that is an insult to the intellect even with two condoms used out of a package in a jacket should not had been all that worrisome to a secure wife/girlfriend.

You do seems to have a problem base on that story of his, but you did not have a solid relationship before then if you was thinking in terms of him hiding thems when you first found the package.

You're talking about a long-term relationship, and have established trust over the years. That's much different for Sick in Love.

You have a good point...............