dating question

Sadly, yes. And even if he doesn't think that YOU want to, it's still probably why he would come in.

My guess is that if you do not want to have sex with him, then it is best not to invite him to your apartment

Maybe yes, maybe no.
Depends on the guy and the circumstances of the evening.

I'd definitely recommend talking with him about it, before inviting him over.

I vote a definite maybe.

I say yes. But it does all depend on how the date went, and how you invite me up. Say we were all over each other during the date, then of course I'm expecting a little sex. Say that you invite me up in a very lustful and sensual way, then of course I'm expecting a little sex. But if the date was more friendly than sexual, or we are in the middle of a great conversation, I'll expect no sex, but all the time HOPING FOR IT!

If a chick asks me before a date "So, if we go up to my room, are we having sex?" I'd of course so "No, No, No of course not!" but what does that mean?

If the date was a good one-OF COURSE.

Unfortunately, I'd say yes. Hell, I once went on a date with a guy who thought I owed him sex just because he took me out to dinner. LOSER!!!

mandy1979- Welcome to A2K!

IMO, if you are asking this question, the answer is, "yes"!

Child wrote:


It means you are answering the question incorrectly.

OH yea he will!

He will undoubtedly hope so, and that hope may turn into expectation...

I voted "no".

Then I saw the results of the poll (72% "yes"), and I thought, damn - that must be some cultural thing.

Then I read the posts and thought, yeh, thats true of course: it all depends on the what, where and how of being invited over. And I mean, the thought would come up - like, "oh, does this mean that ... " - but I wouldnt go so far as saying the guy would expect it. But who knows, that might be a cultural thing. All depends what kind of guy you date, too.

I have no idea what would be expected to happen if someone invited me up to their apartment after a date not expecting sex... Then again, the last intellectual conversation I had was the time I got high and started talking to my tv while watching an everybody loves lucy rerun.

Why do women talk about sex as if it were a bad thing?

A desire for sex is not unhealthy (for men or women). As many people said, it of course depends on the situation. But it does happen at times that a *woman* wants sex. If this is the case, it is not unreasonable for her to ask a man up to her apartment.

Of course, if there is a misunderstanding, a gentleperson will act considerately and leave graciously.

But at times people want sex. At other fortuitous times, two people want sex after a date.

What's wrong with that?

Nothing. But it sucks if people automatically assume you want sex just because you <fill in random act that you didnt mean that way>.

A lot of stuff that many people seem to assume is code for "I want to have sex with you", is not. Bit of a translation problem.

OK, I accept that.

The point is that dating is difficult and sex is complex.

After all dating is about sex. This doesn't mean that sex is necessary right away. But dating is a courtship ritual. It is developing a relationship that will lead to sex.

The fact that two people with different ideas are involved make it even more difficult. The best sexual relationships involve many non-verbal cues. Starting a good relationship inevitably involves risk taking and uncomfortable moments.

Yes there can be misunderstandings and "translation problems". But this is just the nature of things. We have been experiencing the glories and pains of courtship since before we came down from the trees.

If you are trying to make the point that "Men are animals" --I strongly disagree. Sexuality (both male and female) is powerful, natural and necessary.

So, my advice to the original post is this. If you invite a man up to your apartment after a date, it will likely send a signal that you are interested in sex. (This of course depends on the situation and the nature of the relationship).

But this is not sad. It is a part of our culture and human sexuality.

You just need to be careful about the signals you are sending. If you want to continue the relationship, but don't want sex right away just make it clear you want to see him again and perhaps accept a kiss. But don't invite him up to your apartment.

But, Look at it this way. When you want to have sex with a man after a date... you know exactly what to do. This encounter may be very exciting and enjoyable for you both.

Sex is simple? Why have I never realized that before...

Smart girls I've dated usually let their intentions be known during the invitation. "Do you want to come inside for a little while, just for coffee mind you" with a stern inquisitive look. Of course they can always change their mind (and I suspect in a lot of cases simply haven't decided yet). This works fine with me… but I'm a nice guy and girls generally, instinctually know that. Since there are so many creeps in this world; I would have to advise never inviting a man in without a desire for sex, just to be on the safe side.