What do you think I need some input?

Without more information, it's impossible to tell. How 'bout asking your wife?

Come clean about the snooping.

"Honey, I'm sorry but I looked in your phone. I know it was wrong and you have every right to be angry with me about that. But I also want you to know that I saw a text that made me wonder about things. I know we have had our problems, but just how bad is it? I am concerned about our future, and have been having all sorts of worries about what I read. Could you set me straight? And if we are as bad off as all that, can we talk about it? I want to make things right." Then give her the text of what you read and see what happens.

Note - she may very well become so angry at you for snooping that she tells you nothing. Or she may tell you it's over or there is an affair or any number of things that are unpleasant. Or it may have a wholly innocent explanation, or it could even be that she was tempted by someone but now that you are asking about things, she can see that you are still committed to making the marriage work.

Not been intimate for 3 years with your wife?

And - Ye gads, man - you are surprised about another "he"?

Pack her things and ask her to leave.

You don't have to mention the phone or the texts (you know that was wrong.)

Just tell her to go.

Joe(she won't even ask why.)Nation

The only best friend to a wife, should be her husband. The mere fact that she turns to him for help, shares her thoughts, secrets should tell you something deeper than worrying whether she has met someone. Coupled with not having sex for 3 years.

Your relationship is in trouble. What are you going to do about it.