Menapause and lack of sex

We are going on 7 years in our relationship and have been married for the last 3 years. The first few years were awesome. She used to have orgasms in a matter of minutes and I was usually the last one to finish for the first few years of our relationship.
Three years ago, she got a bad pap test and had to have her cervix partially removed and she also has had ablasion surgery about ten months ago and complains that sex is painful. I'm your average guy if you know what I mean and not of "porn star status." Our relationship has had plenty of rocky roads along the way and we have been together for almost 7 years. She is 43 and currently going through menopause. She also tested positive for HPV and blames me from day one. In the last year, she has said she resents me. I love her and she says she still loves me but sex is just a burden for her now. Oral sex is almost non existent and she wont let me go down on her ever anymore. She insists on me "pulling my own chain" which has led to us having sex maybe twice a month and not from a lack of trying on my part. Did I mention she is a Psych FP? A couple of months ago I turned on our tv and she had been watching porn with a lesbian scene. I know this because that is the way our DVD player works but, I wasn't positive so, I tested the DVD player to make sure that was the case. It defintely turned me on that she was watching it.

So, I get back from my sons camp out over the weekend and I had left the lesbian scene on the player and sure enough the counter had moved and her vibrator had moved so, I know she had gotten herself off while watching the lesbian scene. I confronted her out of frustration last night after she denied me from sex and she got very pissed and left the room to sleep on the couch. She did eventually come back to bad but, I can't sleep. This is killing me. I love her so much and everything I say comes out wrong. Did I mention her 21 year old got out of rehab a couple of months ago and lives with us now and I am not getting along with him whatsoever thanks to him stealing and ruining a lot of my stuff before his rehab and continuing to steal stuff now that he's back from rehab? I wish my life were better right now. I'm not depressed. Just extremely bummed out. Thoughts? Oh yeah, she is on anti-depressants.