What do I do about these 3 badly raise brothers?

Reply Tue 21 Aug, 2012 08:47 pm
two 12 year olds and one 8 year old. When they were younger, their mother was deported and they were raised by their drunk of an elder brother since they have no father (each kid is from a different man). They missed 2 years of school because they were running away from the government so that they wouldn't be taken by social services.

Now, their mothers been arrested for selling cocaine, so now my mothers decided to care for them so that they won't be separated into foster homes since they're family.

However, in all the time that I've known them, they've been very rude and disrespectful and just plain criminal!

Example 1:
the 8 year old stole a lady's phone when we went to the store. She had to chase him down and take it back from him. Forcibly (he wouldn't let it go).

Example 2:
One 12 year old is violent. He hits even us! One time, I put him on time out and he said he wouldn't go and so I tried to take him but he started attacking me!

Example 3:
They have extremely foul language. I asked one twelve year old "why don't you go clean your plate?" and he responded with "why don't you suck my d**k?"

I've tried talking to them, explaining why it's bad to do the things they do. I've tried time-outs. I've tried taking away their favorite things! I just don't know what to do anymore. They won't even listen to my mother. The elder brothers say that the way that they raised them to listen to them is by beating them and that we have permission to do so, but I'm completely against the use of violence. So what do we do now?
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Reply Tue 21 Aug, 2012 09:27 pm
If I read this right, these children are your younger foster brothers and sisters (as your mother made the decision to care for them). Do I nderstand this correctly?

It seems to me that they are your mother's responsibility. It doesn't sound like you should be the one to set limits for them.

I agree with you that using violence is the wrong thing to do. The answer is that these kids need clear limits with consequences for crossing them. They also need someone who is strong enough to care about them, and support them when they do the right thing while they are setting limits. This is a difficult thing to do.

If these kids are really out of control, then social services should be involved. Social services may be able provide counseling for the kids, and for your family.

But really, your mother needs to take the lead on this. It isn't fair for her to make you take the responsibility.

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war child
Reply Tue 21 Aug, 2012 10:43 pm
make them fear you dawg, when someone fucks with you hurt them physically to a point that makes them beg you to stop, but don't deal serious damage to them. If you want to make it clean, try the chinese water drop, tie their bodies and heads horizontaly to a bench and make sure they cannot turn their heads. Then place over their heads a recipient that contains water, then make sure it's poked so that water drops fall on their forheads. This method won't leave bruises or any sign of force on their bodies, but will drive them crazy. P.S : make sure you do it for a long time untill they get to a point that they can't take it anymore or cry of pain.
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Reply Wed 22 Aug, 2012 07:27 am
Well, you can tell that they have not had a male influence in their lives. Perhaps your family can gather the males together and provide this.

This should be consistent, adult male parenting that sets limits and provides strong guidance. The boys need to get some "healthy fear" of these adult males. Beating will not provide this.

Since these boys have no regard for females and for others, it will be very challenging for anyone to make some changes, but it is possible. Get professional help ASAP.
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