Happiness--is it our own responsibility?

Mine is called Dys.

Thethinkfactory, congratulations to you and your wife on deciding to get by on one salary.

Too often, happiness is associated with financial success. If children are raised in this atmosphere, they have a very limited view of life's possibilities and, in turn, of their own self-worth.

To me contentment (I don't like to refer to "happiness") consists of friends, a great wife, health, a house and a half, both paid for, cars in working condition, good insurance coverage, time (I'm retired) to paint, play music with friends, and talk to all you bright people. But it is central to my lifestyle (a source of contentment) to live below my means, to be financially secure so that I do not have to give money a thought. Oh, there is the occasional splurge and the giving of money to the anti-Bush forces and charities. But even without the material things, even without the security, I do believe I would be reasonably content. It's hard to say why, except to note that even when I had virtually none of these things I was content, a little less than now, but content. Go figure.

What I was trying to get at is: It seems that for MOST of us, happiness is our own responsibility. But I think it is more challenging for some to achieve than others.

I felt the need to raise this issue because some of the posts seem to include such nice clean blanket statements: "oh, yes, it is always your responsibility."

Take a paralyzed person who also may have mental illnesses. Or maybe a dude falsely imprisoned for a crime they didn't commit. I guess it is still their responsibility to be happy. It just seems like it may be more challenging for them, much more. In fact, I don't know that it is always possible, given some circumstances.

I'd just like to caution that it may be easy for fortunate folks to say "oh,yes, its your responsibilty. If you're not happy, its all your fault."

tcis. I think I understand your position. YOur heart is in the right place. It is certainly true that difficulty and burden is unevenly, perhaps unfairly, distributed in the world. My ability to reach my state of contentment has not been without obstacles, but they have been far fewer than those of many people. I should say "There but for the grace of ? go I". But don't you agree that, while we definitely should help our brothers, ultimately it is each person's responsibility to serve their interests to the best of their ability? After all, it IS their life and its contentments and miseries that we are talking about. If they can't because of overwhelming obstacles, like dementia or insanity, then we should take ALL the responsibility for their welfare. No doubt about that.

JL - Agreed. As long as "serving your interests" doesn't infringe too much on others (extreme example here would be a Hitler type).

Good morning, all. When we play around with abstract words, we are going to get a conglomerate of interpretations, are we not?

Considering all the responses here, I think we have pretty well come to a consensus about the conditions of responsibility, and that's really what this thread is all about. It could apply to any emotion or lack thereof.

tcis, of course you are right in the sense that we look at what we deem the misery of others, and regardless of how we try, it is almost impossible to feel empathy unless we have been there ourselves.

and that is my bit of insight for the day. <smile>

Letty, Your last post has the grain of truth that many people seem to miss. Most of us that have "made it" required taking responsibility for ourselves, and working hard to achieve it. Empathy is learned through our personal experience, but not all will become generous with their success. When I look back on my life, I'm really amazed at how many people have been so generous to me at a time when I had no bank account or money under the mattress. <smiles> Even now, people offer me things out of the blue. On our trans-Canada train tour last August, we met a couple from Reno. They own a house at Lake Tahoe which they offered to let us use during the summer months. I'm sure they didn't make that offer to the other 30 couples in our group. I'm a lucky guy, even though my childhood was frought with misery.

c.i. how wonderful that you can recognize all these experiences and accept them at face value. Had someone offered me a vacation home for free, I would have been very suspicious. Receiving is often more difficult than giving. Of course, I realize that when one's childhood is rife with confusion and uncertainty, as was yours, you must have scars, but now you are able to appreciate what you have because you have a yardstick with which to measure today.

Letty, The wife owns a share of a family business that produces security products, and she's wealthy. They even own a hotel in San Jose. Their business has been growing even during the economic slowdown, because security products have been successful. They said we could even stay at their home when we visit Reno. Trust me; they don't have any alterior motives - except friendship.

C.I. I was just thinking how I might have felt. So, your wife is Lucy in the sky with diamonds, is she? I have become very suspicious lately, that my husband married me for my status as impoverished aristocracy. <smile>

Letty, We have learned recently that my wife's mother's side of the family has nobility in their line of ancestry. They fought for the Emperor and won against Ieyasu Tokunaga, the shogun that controlled Japan for over 250 years. Their family crest (one of 20) is supposed to be located at Himeji Castle, but we were unable to find it when we visited Japan in April. My wife says we're going to drag her brother to Japan in a couple of years, because he knows exactly where it's located.

WOW! C.I. Shogun fame? I loved that book. The only other books that I have read that helped me to understand Japanese culture, were Three Came Home, and Hiroshima. I put that on the required reading list when I taught Humanities, because I wanted my students to have a balanced picture of history. Know something? This little tete- e- tete has really lifted my spirits. So, once again, we must conclude that mental acuity is the basis of a satisfying state, which I think you'll agree, is a component of the ever illusive "happiness".

I'm not sure about "my" mental acuity," but I'm glad that it lifted your spirits.

This is my happy moment, C.I. I just found something that I have tried to find for years!

Hoorah for Me

Yes, Hoorah for Letty!

C.I. This may seem trivial in the scope of found stuff, but you just got to take a look. Try not to be too disappointed...lol

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=26868&highlight=

Yay for Letty!!!

Do you remember that last Florida gathering I attended? When we were at Rae's and Misti's house, you tried to find the book but couldn't remember the exact title? You were thinking that it might be How Beautiful Your Feet in Shoes (or something like that). How we laughed when google turned up a porn site that showed a man sucking a woman's toes!!!

Congratulations. I'm thinking of buying the book in your honor.

Oh, my God, Diane. I think I must have repressed that porn memory. Reminds me of Louis Nizer's book, My Life in Court.

Actually, honey. It's a short story, and that is what made it so difficult to locate.

If you can locate the entire text, you'll see that it reminds me of you and dys in many ways, except that yours has a happy ending.

Hmmmmm. I just looked at my toes

Hah, hah, hah, Letty. My feet are so ticklish, including my toes, that I can't imagine having them sucked. Yikes!

ah, the fetishes of the world. Well, my friends as someone I knew long ago once said, " If it don't work in the head, it don't work in bed."

For the philosophers out there, a brief poem:

When we smile and laugh and touch,
When we say, "You're Just too Much."

What we really mean is this:
A rainbow colored with a kiss.
A brush of minds,
A simply laugh
and then "turn down an empty glass"

Goodnight to all who seek the answers and found them right under your toes.