Happiness--is it our own responsibility?

I do believe it is within each person to discover happiness, but it is hard. Are there limits to happiness - I am not sure. I have been deliriously happy and dismally depressed, each separate and unique. I can also look back on those moments now and be happy I made it through them because of the lesson I have learned from those experiences.
It depends on what the situation is. I notice that many people have a problem with loneliness, including myself. I love time by myself and need it no matter who I am with, but when you do not have someone to love, or share your life with - even just a friend or family member, lasting happiness can be hard to experience.
Sometimes I find that the only way to become happy again is to see the good that I have chosen to ignore around me i.e. someone else's happiness or their good fortune. Can one be happy all the time? I do not think so. Can we choose to be happy or unhappy? Yes, in most cases but not in times of peril or loss. Would it be a good thing to be deliriously happy all the time? i do not know the answer to that.

Good morning, all.

Recently, I have been compiling a list of value loaded words to simply explore their connotation from all angles.

From the psychologist point of view, in Terry's article, I found that the example of the garbage collectors was particularly compelling. I also remember the movie, Kiss of the Spider Woman, and now find myself realizing how profound that movie was, and how true it was.

Bill, your small exercise in "hip-pinching" was interesting. <smile> In short, it simply means that if we feel pain, then we are real, right? and it's only in reality that we can explore happiness. As Frost put it, "...earth is where love is.."

rufio, I think the idea of recognizing what makes us "happy" is powerful insight, but not always easy to fathom.

J.L. I suppose that we are products of our chemistry, and I have come to respect your opinion on many things; yours and Fresco's..

Kickycan, I have often wondered about those who are able to "cope" better than others.

George, that was a very pithy statement, and one which I have considered all my life. What physical--material things are needed to invoke a state of well-being?

eoe, yes--frustration. I think that is my worst draw-back.

beebo and ocean, Welcome to A2K.

My daughter once told me that being alone is a wonderful thing if you choose to be, but if it's forced, then the situation becomes quite different. I have experienced both.

I have wondered about anti- depressants, and feel that unless the condition is dire, we are succumbing to a type of "false demand".

Thank you all for the input. Music and poetry are my retreats, because they offer a shelter of sorts. In that media, One may say one thing, and mean another.

truth
TOceanKayaking, Welcome and thanks for a thoughtful post. I Think that people who seek to be "deliriously happy" all the time have the mentality of the drug addict. I would prefer to be temperate and clear headed, and to en-joy the little joys that come my way unexpectedly. I have a brother who has to deal with "bad chemistry." He does it successfully with Prozac and gets along very well. But in addition to this drug he has also developed some philosophical wisdom which, he says, is just as important, if not more so, as Prozac. He would not want to be without either.

It's not easy, letty - which is why so many people are unhappy.

I don't know what "chemistry" really has to do with it, JL - we all develop different preferences over time.

Chemistry is the stuff we're made of. What makes us tick. That's my guess. But we all know people who seem to have a penchant for the melancholy. They're more comfortable when they're miserable and unhappy. It's hard to believe but happiness is not the goal for everybody.

I'm pretty even-tempered most of the time, I think. I avoid stress where possible and I love a good bit of humor injected into my life - the workplace, home, friends, etc. A few weeks ago I experienced the doldrums big-time and was surprised to find myself busting out crying in work and feeling helpless. I was a little frustrated because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I think I was going through a "poor me" period but I have snapped out of it now (thank God).

While circumstances around you evoke many emotions - laughter, anger/rage, joy, sadness, pride, frustration, etc, - a good attitude can always keep you balanced. I love that phrase "don't sweat the small stuff" because really everything is small stuff even if it seems like a tragedy at the time. Of course, having said all that, the most important thing in the world right now is me making an appointment with a dentist because I broke off a bit of my molar and it's friggin' aching! I get soo cranky when I have a bit of pain! Oh woe is me! Blah blah blah. I'll just have to imbibe in a spot of whiskey to kill off the infection until I find a dentist to see me right away. Yay!

You're right, eoe. The fact is, melancholia was what depression used to be called.

I noticed on the news today that ecstacy as a treatment for some extreme cases of panic disorder and other chemical imbalances is being tested by the FDA. I need to find out more about that before I discuss it, however.
Some people do love to wear the hair shirt, do they not? But in a way, that is something of a disorder.

Rufio, often I find that just talking to friends rather than family, is a good way to get feedback that is more objective.

Heeven, as I once told Gautam, everything makes me cry. I wonder if that is the body's way of cleansing. You know, for someone with a high degree of sensitivity, I have a high tolerance for pain, but a low tolerance for pain medication. Lord have mercy, Heeven. A hurtin' tooth can drive one up the wall, but my friend, I have never had worse pain than a gall bladder attack. but after I had my surgery, I refused pain medication. I am quite addicted to cigarettes, so I am cautious of what I take, because who knows.

I have to say I am a scaredy cat about taking any kind of medication but I am also an absolute wimp where pain is concerned. Admittedly the pain is a throbbing pain not an all-out I-have-been-ripped-open-and-my-guts-are-hanging-out-type pain. I am deathly afraid of needles (I would never make a good junkie) and so I got a temporary fix until I can get an appointment with a surgeon to try and repair my tooth. In the meantime, Advil and alcohol (although not together!) are my friends.

Heeven, alcohol was the original medication, so it's been tried and tested for many years and we are all aware of the side effects.

Heeven, have you tried those teeth numbing gels like Ambesol or Oragel? They work immediately but it's only temporary so along with the Advil and booze, you should be covered until you can get to the dentist.
ps. Advil and alcohol together won't hurt.

Yep, got a gel thingie off my dentist to numb when the pain gets worse. Have an appt on Mon to see surgeon.

Good.

I am most definitely responsible for my own happiness.

Life has it's adversities. That's never going to change and it's also something we don't always have control over. My motto on that is... I choose to win. If life wants to knock me down....I will get back up. For although I may not have control over what happens to me....I have control over my reactions to it. Often times we let our problems trap us deep inside, and we can't see past the fog...into the possibilities.

If you try not to be a prisoner to your emotions...and learn to let go....you can be happy no matter what.

Everything in my life that I consider "good"....just makes my heart smile that much more But I don't depend on them for my happiness.

The things in my life that are painful.....I will allow myself to feel that pain, but I will not allow them to "own" me. And I will find ways to overcome them.

So....you bet I'm responsible for my own happiness. Even though many things make me smile...and feel even happier

~Brooke

I'm inexplicably turned on by that.

My first reaction was - absolutely - who else could be held responsible for my happiness?

But that is easy to say for someone living in a country where I have always had a roof over my head and have never been hungry (well not without knowing there was food to come)

But for people without the essentials of life?

If we claim that each person is responsible for their own happiness is that an excuse to treat others poorly because we have no obligation towards their happiness?

We're not responsible for everything that happens to us, but no material possession can independantly effect inner feelings. Obviously one wouldn't be happy if they were starving to death or something, but other than that I think everyone can find something to be happy about regardless of material possessions.

If something really bad happened to my child- I dont know if I could ever be happy after that.

I would suggest that 'happiness' is a subject best ignored;
the most reliable way of losing it, is to concentrate on attaining it.

optimism o.k.; but trying to be 'happy' - terminal!

Thanks, Bo and beebo. I just pray that my son is able to attain some measure of health and survives his present crisis. That is what well being is--absence of continual strife.

I am going to call the hospital now. It has made me feel better to see the various opinions here.