Happiness--is it our own responsibility?

factory, What I find to be a truism is that most children acclimate to the worst of situations/environments very well, because they have nothing to compare their life with. Many in third world countries that have done without modern conveniences can be as happy or more happy than many of us in developed countries. It's a matter of accepting what one has, and enjoying family and friends. Money doesn't ensure happiness.

CI,

I agree. I had a friend who recently visited a number of impoverished countries in Central America. One thing he was struck by the number of poor people in the villages that were very happy.

BoGoWo, it would be my honor to do so, but--seriously--noone can suffer or enjoy life for another. I'd pee for you too, if I could.
Thanks for your understanding.

Testing. Just seeing if this thread is still viable.

The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.

The pain that you create is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is.

All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry - all forms of fear - are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are cause by too much past, and not enough presence.

If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution.


Eckhart Tolle
The Power of Now

Letty, this is a wonderfully thoughtful thread.

As someone who is bipolar, I can unequivocally state that medication can be a life saver. Still, by focusing on small things in everyday life that are pleasing and beautiful, I can usually make each day a good one.

{{{{{eoe}}}}}



AMEN.

Psyche, welcome to A2K. I agree, in part, with what you describe. We hope to see more of you here.

Diane, How wonderful to see you again, my friend. I had no idea that you were bi-polar, and yes, meds can help in that situation. It takes a lot of unlearning to be a whole person, does it not?

Frankly, I must give credit to BoGoWo for this observation. I didn't exactly steal it from him, but he was the inspiration.

When we have children, we find it difficult to be responsible for their happiness, but in a way, that makes us responsible for our own happiness.

I might consider myself a "happy" person. Or perhaps I should say I am considerably content with my life as it is. But the GOAL of happiness is, I suspect, a source of misery. I think we should focus on the experiences of the moment (I think Jesus said something about that), and not imagine longer term units of time like a happy time in life or an unhappy time in life. When I am asked if I am happy, I look at how I am feeling at that particular moment. What else is there? On the other hand, it is said that pleasure and pain are existential inevitabilities, but joy and suffering are optional. This introduces another level. Our level of "enlightenment" (not just "mystical" but philosophical and general sophisticaton), and how many resources--pleasurable activity skills, friends, physical health--are something we can do something about. But this also applies to suffering. Religions like Buddhism and Hinduism, as well as psychology, try to show us how to avoid "suffering", not how to avoid pain--analgesics do that.

Joy and suffering are optional....love that, JL.

It takes some skill to have a happy life. For instance, it is important to learn early in life that some people will treat you badly, and forgiveness and letting go is the key to improving happiness in your own life. Anger and hate is counterproductive to happiness. Another skill learned early helps your own happiness; to share what you have with others. It's okay to be selfish once-in-awhile, but being generous most of the time has great benefits. I've learned this through personal experience; I've been fortunate for most of my adult life. When I had nothing, many people were very kind and generous to me. I guess those three are the most important lessons I can share.

C.I. Bless you. I am not one bit surprised that you and your wife have a rich and full life.

I was thinking the other day about the fairy story, "The Tinder Box". Ever read that as a kid? Often those "grimm" stories have an inherent philosophy concerning life and happiness.

Oh yes, Letty. Good fairy tales were intended to socialize children. Enjoyable lessons.
C.I., your comment that generosity brings benefits sounds wise to me. It sounds an example of enlightened selfishness. You gain more in the long run by generosity, but gain more in the short run by petty selfishness.

Do kids still read fairytales? Alot of children's stories focused on character, dignity and honor. I don't see these traits in alot of young people today, sad to say.

eoe, I have no idea about kids today, but even though they were a part of the socialization of the child as JL observes, they were fun to read and sooooo romantic. with one exception. Hans Christian Anderson's "The Little Girl Who Trod on a Loaf." was 100% weird.

Don't think that kid had any chance at happiness.

Thats very clean and clear. Seems so simple and straightforward. Yet, I don't buy it, E. Tolle nonwithstanding.

I go back to the example of the Iraqi mother who just lost all her children, killed in the war. Does she truly have as much control over her happiness, even using the above airtight logic, as does say, a mother who spends time with her loving children every day?

On paper, yes, it seems they both have the same opportunity for happiness. In reality, I don't know. Can you really say to the lady with the dead kids: "No excuses. It's all up to you. Get happy."?

No. You can't say that to the lady, but you can support her in her grief, and try to keep her socially active after a reasonable period of time. Time usually heals this kind of pain. We must make sure that our friend does not go into a long term depression over the loss.

CI- Very good point. I think they may even be happier because of all the junk they don't have. I know I played with the box more than the toys that came in them when I was a kid.

I don't mean to bring Epicurus back up again - but he is one philosopher in particular that really helped me get happiness in perspective.

You right CI that money does not buy happiness - and Epicurus even said that it - beyond a certain point - not does not buy you happiness but can guarantee you to be miserable.

He was a hedonist (in the original sense of the word) and had moderation built into his definition of happiness. Which, in a nut shell equalled pleasure (pleasure = happiness) but pleasure was defined as simply the absence of pain.

Anymore please than the mere cessation of pain - risked aquiring more pain. (Like me an Tequila - too much of a good thing)

Epicurus' guide to life was to make enough money (or provide for yourself) to have friends, freedom (from mental anguish), food, water, shelter (perhaps a bit beyond the bare minimum), and time to think.

If you have all of these things - you will be happy - if you go beyond this to seek fame and fortune - you will be going against your nature and be miserable (mostly because these two things receed infinitly - wheras food and shelter are finite things).

Recently my wife quit her job and is raising our son. We are barely covering and saving a little... but I have never been happier. I can't sell stuff fast enough.

So as you can see, I have put a method into effect - and work hard every day at it (I would love to buy a new $1400 (American) paintgun... but know it would cause misery.

So my answer to this question is that it is not only up to us - but it is not some epiphany or state we reach. I think it is a constant and continuous work in progress.

TF

I think in part it is still up to her.

If she obsessed and could not let go over her children (say 10 to 20 years later - was seriously depressed). She would need to make a consious decision to move on.

My step brother killed himself maybe 6 years ago. My Step father makes the decision every day to move on and honor his son's memory by living for himself and attempting to be happy.

Suicide is a selfish thing - but I know that Dion would have never wanted his father to be miserable forever.

TF

Lighten up, folks. Don't you know that Happiness is Just a Thing Called Joe?






Happiness Is Just A Thing Called Joe Lyrics



It seems like happiness is just a thing called Joe
He's got a smile that makes the lilacs want to grow
He's got a way that makes the angels heave a sigh
When they know little Joe's, passing by

Sometimes the cabin's gloomy and the table's bare
But then he'll kiss me and it's Christmas everywhere
Trouble's fly away and life is easy go
Does he love me good, that's all I need to know

Seems like happiness, is just a thing called Joe

Repeat second verse

Little Joe, my little Joe, little Joe!

Goodnight, happy people. The philosophy of music is really the ultimate in everything............................................................................

Mine is called "Lucy."