Happiness--is it our own responsibility?

I think we all can control our emotions. If we don't, it's because we don't want to.

Yes, stand up for pessimism. It's because we don't want to....but, my friend, not wanting to control is a type of control.

I believe that it was Lincoln who said, "A person is as happy as he makes up his mind to be".

I believe that people have more control over their happiness than many even realize. It is a matter of how one relates to what is going on around them. I believe that one can find something positive in the most awful situations.

It's funny that you asked this today, Letty. I have had a rather difficult week, and was feeling very sorry for myself. It had reached a point, where I was feeling physically ill from the stress.

I was at the dinner table, pissing and moaning to my husband. All of a sudden, something hit me. Whatever happened, happened, and I am more than capable of dealing with it. I was adding to my misery by wallowing in it. I stood upright, and said, "I have to cut this crap, right now!" I feel fine now!

Yes Letty so that means we are responible for how happy or unhappy we want to be....we control it.

Yay Phoenix! :-D

I absolutely abhor the victim mentality. However, I do think there is a marked physiological component to unhappiness, and that it is not so simple as deciding to be happy. I recently started on birth control pills again after 4 years without (sorry if TMI), and it's REALLY annoying me. I am in the middle of a genuinely particularly stressful time, for a few reasons, but I am used to being able to deal with stress rather handily. Being the one that people gawp at and say, "But how can you be so CALM??" I just am.

There's this very clear correllation between NOT being able to handle stress as well and starting those damned hormone bombs, though, that makes me a little less self-congratulatory about my ability to cope. One can take actions, make decisions, etc. to further the goal of happiness, but there are less controllable aspects, too.

We may have a genetically determined "happiness set point" that controls our average level of happiness in life. Winning the lottery or being diagnosed with illness may affect our immediate happiness but over time we return to our previous level.

The Heritability of Happiness

Someone ELSE said "happiness set point." Yay. :-D (I was overusing that for a while.) Thanks for the link.

Often, my friends, Phoenix--Soz--Stand up--We depend on others to contribute to our well being. I still think that is true. We're not in this alone, you know. Although it might seem so at times.

Know something, Terry? I think we may have reached a point of understanding. I will look at your link later. For now, I must eat..grrrrrr.

I've always been a Polly-Anna type myself; but I do remember reading something that might be useful to folks who are chronically miserable. It went something like this:
Close your eyes and remember a time when you were completely happy. Some occasion; where you felt like you were on top of the world. While reliving this memory, pinch your hip just hard enough to cause pain, but nothing excruciating. Do this over and over again (close eyes, remember while pinching). Theoretically; after you do this enough times you will develop the ability to alter your mood on demand, simply by pinching your hip.
If you have confidence problems when public speaking, use your other hip. According to this shrink; there is virtually no limit to the number of re-stimulators that can be used for mood alteration. It just takes practice. I can't attest to it myself… but it made sense to me when I read it, apparently, because I never forgot it.
To answer the question: Unequivocally, YES.

To refer back to that article I posted a while ago ("Miswanting"), after a modicum of needs are met, the inherent stuff kicks in -- but circumstances obviously DO have something to do with it, when basic needs are not met.

I think that it is very hard to create a lasting happiness within yourself. I think years and years of conditioning are a factor, and there is a strong chemical component that has a lot to do with how happy you are. You may be able to change your level of happiness to some degree, but I think that your basic level of day-to-day happiness is not very flexible.

I think a good way to possibly raise your level of happiness is to realize that you have no control over anything outside your own skin (and many things inside your skin too). And it's not only knowing it, but internalizing it to the point where it is a part of who you are. If you can truly make that core change, then you can probably lessen frustration. But even then, I think a lot of being happy is beyond your control.

It certainly isn't anyone else's responsibility.

Disagree kickycan. Realizing what we can and cannot control, I believe, is the root of much happiness. So much unhappiness is due to frustration about what we cannot control and an ignorance, a reluctance, a fear, to handle things that are in our control.

truth
Lots of wise comments here. I agree, Rufio: all the responsibility is ours. I've been blessed with good chemistry. I'm almost never depressed, and when I am it's mild and momentary, and easily traceable to some circumstance. But I think--and I don't know if this is cause or effect--that my lack of focus on the "general" condition of HAPPINESS helps. Instead of trying to be happy, I just focus on the concrete delights of every moment. Even sitting here with relaxed breathing and posture and feeling my wrists on the keyboard and my butt on my chair are delightful. If I were dead--pardon the absurdity--and could be given a few seconds of life experience, I would not want any of the things most people strive for in the name of happiness: I would be elated, I think, just to sit here and type.

You've got to come to an understanding of what it will take to make you happy. How much of that whatever-it-is do you already have? How much will you never have? How much is REALLY necessary to your happiness?

Okay, maybe I overstated that. I agree that you can increase a state of happiness, but only to a certain degree. You can learn better ways to cope with setbacks, which can increase the chemicals in the brain that cause a happy state, mainly Norepinephrine. You can also do things like exercise, which also increases Norepinephrine in the brain. But your body has a certain natural level of Norepinephrine, which ultimately decides just how happy you are at any given moment.

So, yes, you can do things to alter your level of happiness to a degree, but in general, people who have lower levels of the chemicals that create the feeling of happiness will not feel as happy as those with higher levels of them.

Of course, happiness is a personal thing... I don't believe one can be really happy until they know what makes them happy.

I agree with the chemistry idea. I also agree with the idea that it is our responsibility. I am not blessed with good chemistry- but I don't get depressed - I get angry. Thanks to prozac- I am not trying to strangle anyone in line at the minimart. My husband gets depressed. Not one person in his family has "good" chemistry. They all deal with it differently. One cries at the drop of a hat, spends too much $ and is generally depressed. The other acts out by being promiscuous - has an eating disorder & other things. One is a workaholic. I think that they have bad chemistry AND choose to deal with it in a certain way.