please help...stuck in friend zone and want out

Forums: Relationships, Dating, Friend Zone, Friendzone
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I met this wonderful girl almost two years ago....when we first met she liked me but i didnt know nor did i like her. We started hanging out a lot like everyday. We even drank together. When we get drunk we would be all over each other...kissing, hugging, and cuddling. Well early this year i told her that i love her to death and i only seen us as friends. See at thag time i really didnt know she had feelings for me but, she respected my decision and moved on, fast. Even though after that talk we still drank together and did all the same stuff that we always do when we drink. When we are sober we are just friends. Now i understand what alcohol does to you but if you knew that tbis would keep happenin then why would you do it? Now she dated a guy and broke up with him and isnt fully over him like every now and then she will get depressed. But on top of all that as long as we been knowing each other it took me this long for me to realize how great this girl is. Her parents even love and want us to be together...like that means anything but anyway the other night we had a long talk. I finally grew a pair and ask if she wanted to try something. She said there was more of a yes then no. Well that lasted like 3 days because my heart was telling me this is not where she wants to be. I talkedto her again and she basicallyy said she lost all feelings for me ever since i told her awhile back that i only seen us as friends...she tells me i am her best friend in the world and loves me to death...she knows me inside out as i know her. She says she hopes and wishes one day we could be together because she knows that we would make a great couple but she just doesnt have those feelings for me anymore...we still are hanging out like everyday...i am also changing my ways such as cigs, going to her church, (showing up), and much more. I am showing her my changes and i am not going to stop i am going to keep going. I wanna find somebody else but theres nobody like her and it took me almost 2 years to realize. I dont know what to.do to win her heart and how to get her feelings back but i truely believe that something is in there...just not enough to co me out with it...i could give a lot more details and what not but i am just trying to bottom line this and also i been up for 36 hours to so iam tired haha...but please any advice or tips to help would be great. God bless

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@jon3084,

Offer her a gift maybe. It's what I would do.

Also, I think you should have sex with her, it is time. I would offer her to put my head u know where.

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@jon3084,

First off, don't make your dating decisions based upon behaviors by you or the other person that only happen while drinking. Chalk up whatever happens/doesn't happen during those times up to booze and let them go. It's considerably more important what happens when you are both sober.

And when you are both sober, you seem to keep missing each other's signals.

So - the magical thing to do - talk to her. And explain, I said I didn't like you as more than a friend. I was wrong. I have changed. I know that that was a mistake. And see what happens, but for God's sake don't push it.

Relationships do not always happen, and she has pushed you away before. But it might just be missed signals. Try it and at least see what happens, but be prepared for a rejection.

BTW, if I were putting money on this, I would bet on her saying no. I believe that her using your earlier statement as a reason for not being together is a rather convenient excuse for her. And I believe she will pull that same excuse again. But you will not know unless you try. So try.

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@jespah,

Thanks for the reply. Ya see its hard to get through this because we hang out like almost every night. And on top of the we work together. Haha 8 hours a day but just a few times a week. Now after we had our talk i noticed some small things like a lil more skin contact. I just dont know what to do. I mean she used to have feelings for me and i thats the only good sign that keeps me going for her. People tell me to find somebody else she might get jealous a lil bit and missmiss my attention but idk. Besides thats not alwaysalways the best thing to do cause shes different. Iam sure she would accept it and move on what ever feelings she has...just like the first time i said we should be friends. She doesnt hang out with any other guy friends but me...i just dont know what to do. I have distanced myself lil bit from her but nothing has really changed much. Should i take her out more? Like to eat or movies or is that pushing it?

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@jon3084,

You never know unless you try, eh?

So ask! "Rachel (or whatever her name is), want to go to the movies? And before you say yes or no, I'd like for this to be a date."

Simple, direct and there's no way to get it confused. Then you'll hear yes, no or maybe or can we do something other than the movies. And take it from there.

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@jespah,

You might also try spending less time together if only to give you something to talk about on dates. Dates are get to know you time and you already know everything she did up to 5 that evening. If you hadn't seen her in a few days you could catch up on your dates instead of having to force yourselves together.

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@jon3084,

Ask out another girl.

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@engineer,

How do i approach her to ask her to take it slowly and if so how do i take it slowly? We started takin it slow but i messed that all up when i called her sweetheart.

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@jespah,

I know. I just don't know how to win her feelings back. She lost them cause of me. We talk all the time and hang out every night. She is gunna say no and i know she is i just don't know what to do. Guess i have to give up.

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@jon3084,

jon3084 wrote:

I know. I just don't know how to win her feelings back. She lost them cause of me. We talk all the time and hang out every night. She is gunna say no and i know she is i just don't know what to do. Guess i have to give up.

Pretty much. Women need to be needed, so you blew it with your wishy-washyness. All you can do now is to fall on your sword, at the right moment tell her that you were an idiot to not jump on her when you had the chance. This probably will not save you however.

Live and learn.

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@hawkeye10,

I don't know this to me is one of those.....

ie) She did use the same excuse as you (OP) used to her but she still hangs out every night. Sometimes, a trick up a girls sleeve is to refuse, to ensure your feelings gets stronger . Not saying that's the case but it is possible.

I like the idea of "oh sorry, tomorrow I am catching up with some guys" here and there and try to gage her reaction.

Does she still cuddle and kiss you when drunk? That's another clue in my opinion, because sure when drunk lose some in-hibitions but, if she only saw you as a friend, would she?

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@FOUND SOUL,

We both dont drink anymore. We stopped for religious reasons. I mean we will every now and the but hasnt came to that point yet. We we would kiss and do all that but we were not trashed drunk if that means anything. Now she does talk to me a little less now that we had that talk but, we still hang out just about everyday...why are women so damn complicated! I just wanna know some tips like maybe takening her out to movies are dinner just like a friendly thing to show that we can have fun when we go out on events.

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@jon3084,

Talked to her brother yesterday...she tells him that she just wants to be friends with me and he ask why she keeps leading me on and she.says idk i just want to be friends...i dont know what to do...she texted me last night and wanted to hang out but i told her nah i dont feel like doin anything. Told her that cause iam tryin the distance step. Dunno what to do i mean i am goin to the bar tomorrow and look around. Maybe jealousy will come around on her. Dunno but i do know after the past few days of me posting iam doin better on the depression. Iam highly impressed with myself but its still there and hurts. Still could use some tips Smile

2 Replies

@jon3084,

Try not to hang around too much where you think she might be (after all, that's not distance). You have other friends, yes? Family? A job? Hobbies?

The short answer - do other things.

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@jon3084,

jon3084 wrote:

Still could use some tips

Ask out another girl.

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please help...stuck in friend zone and want out

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