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Improve this please

 
 
Reply Tue 24 Feb, 2004 11:54 am
A Man Smashes Telephone Boothes
for Having Dinner in Jail


On Feb 20, a young man in Tieling City, Liaoning Province, China, played a farce, because he wanted to dinner in jail.

According to the introduction of the police of the Worker Police Station of the Yingzhou District of the city, about 21 o'clock, the police received a report from citizens that said there was a young man who has smashed two telephone boothes in front of the gate of the Farm Machinery College (FMC) of the province. Hearing this, the police on duty hastened to the spot and investigated. Following the clues that the citizens offered, the police searched the surrounding lanes. To their surprise, 20 minutes later, the police again recieved another call that reported the two telephone boothes before the gate of Guangxia branch of China's Construction Bank in the city were also smashed. The police found that the method of committing the offence was the same as the offender did in front of the gate of the FMC. At 21:30, when the police were searching before the gate of the Passenger Transport Service Center of the city, they found a young man whose feature was much like the one described in the report that the police has recieved. The man was walking forwards to the telephone booth nearby. As he picked up a brick and ready to smash the booth, the two police rushed to him and caught him red-handed.

The interrogation on the man showed that he was of Chunjiang County, Zhejiang Province; his name was Yu Xiaoliang, and he has been in the city for more than 20 days. The ridiculous reason for his committing the offence was that he was too hungry, and wanted to dinner in jail. The examination has showed that young man's psychic conditions were normal. At present, Mr.Yu has been taken into administrative custody by the police.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 784 • Replies: 5
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farmerman
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Feb, 2004 01:42 pm
I think it could be improved by finishing the story. like for example:
"Yu, incustody , enjoyed a supper of Sharks fin soup, and golden heaven duckling in a Szichuan garlic sause."

mmmmmmmm, garlic sauce, drool
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Tue 24 Feb, 2004 07:29 pm
Laughing That is for sure one of the interesting improvements.
0 Replies
 
Eos
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Feb, 2004 08:59 pm
Man Smashes Phone Boothes
in Hopes of Dinner in Jail

On Feb 20, a young man in Tieling City, Liaoning Province, China, vandalized four phone boothes in an effort to gain a meal.

According to the police at the Worker Police Station of the Yingzhou District of the city, the police received a report at about 21 o'clock from citizens who said that a young man had smashed two telephone boothes in front of the gate of the Farm Machinery College (FMC) of the province. Hearing this, the policepersons on duty hastened to the spot and investigated. On the information of witnesses, the police proceeded to search the surrounding streets. To their surprise, 20 minutes later, the police recieved another call that reported that the two telephone boothes before the gate of Guangxia branch of China's Construction Bank in the city had also been vandalized. Police found that the method of vandalism was the same as at the FMC. At 21:30, while the police were searching the area of the Passenger Transport Service Center of the city, they intercepted a young man whose features matched the description of the vandal. The man was walking towards a nearby telephone booth and had just picked up a brick. Officers on the scene arrested him.

Interrogation of the man showed that he was of Chunjiang County, Zhejiang Province, that his name was Yu Xiaoliang, and that he had been in the city for more than 20 days. He gave as reason for his vandalism that he was hungry, and wanted to go to jail, where he expected to be fed. A psychological examination found him normal. At present, Mr.Yu remains in police custody.
0 Replies
 
farmerman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Feb, 2004 09:10 pm
aw, all you did was edit. i gave the story some humanity.
"yu Hungry?" the police asked.

"cat have an ass?" said Yu
So he got fed, end of story.
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Feb, 2004 11:14 pm
Good job Eos!

I especially appreciated the word "vandalize" and such.

The rewriting of the headlines has showed more exactly the original meaning with better grammar.
And of course, for me, there were a lot of other expressions in the rewriting worthy to learn.

Thanks Eos! Very Happy
0 Replies
 
 

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