If you ask me

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman:

"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

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A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."

"Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"

"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man.

"That's why I want it lowered!"

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An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales.

"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."