Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Noddy- Oh dear, it seems like it's one thing after another. Enjoy your time away from being nursemaid, nanny, and general hand-holder. At least the hospital staff can close the door at the end of their shifts and go home!

Noddy, I hope he does get on a proper diet. I know that diabetes left unchecked can cause all manner of mental as well as physical problems. Enjoy your time off :wink:

Do enjoy the respite, Noddy!

Mr. Noddy has been assigned to a Trauma Doctor who didn't ask him about losing weight. The TD put him on an 1800 calorie a day diet and pooh-poohed Mr. Noddy's lament that while he eats very little, he gains weight anyway. (I stock the pantry and wash the dishes. I know how much Mr. Noddy eats. For example, two gallons of ice cream a week is excessive.)

Mr. Noddy is getting a little cranky. The hospital no longer seems quite as attractive.

He'll be in the hospital at least until Monday. Snow is forecast for tonight and I may be icebound All By Myself.

I'm aching in every muscle and a few bones this morning. Mr. Noddy fell on the ice and went to the hospital by ambulance on Thursday. Since then I've been chivving and organizing. Yesterday I was limper than a wet dishrag. Today I'm trying to decide what is floppier than a wet dishrag.

This is all relief-from-tension. Mr. Noddy has a broken tailbone, but insists that he can put no weight on his right leg. He's spending the weekend on bed rest, but tomorrow when the hospital comes to life, there will be some more scans.

Meanwhile, he's in a safe place and I can unwind from the trials of caregiving.

I've been using the weather as an excuse not to Visit The Sick--and I may find another excuse today. Self-indulgence is sweet.

Noddy- Enjoy your well earned respite from caregiving. You need to repair and regroup.

Phoenix--

Thanks for blessing my self-focus. I come from a long line of Good Women who spend every possible moment sitting beside the hospital beds of ailing spouses. Turning Mr. Noddy over to professional care seems a bit like abandonment--unless I consider the long road ahead.

Another blessing on self-focus...

Osso--

Thanks.

I had a most exasperating telephone conversation with Mr. Noddy earlier this afternoon. One side of one of the carpet sweeper's dumping flaps came out of its groove when I was trying to remove hair from the brush.

I don't have the strength in my thumbs to snap it back in place. The problem is clear--I just don't have the moxie to fix the problem.

I mentioned it to Mr. Noddy so he would feel competent and important.

First he described how to fix the vacuum cleaner. Then he described how to empty the carpet sweeper.

I know he's feeling lone and lorn and helpless lying in pain in the hospital, but 20 minutes of riffs on the nature of carpet sweepers....

Yesterday the neighbor didn't make the hospital run. She had unexpected company. She picked the razor up at 8 this morning, but as of 1 a.m. she hadn't been to the hospital.

Mr. Noddy was fretful about his razor. His sister hasn't called him. Why not?

I'm going to try to call his sister. I had to leave a message on her machine on Friday and she has three resident teenage grandchildren who have their own priorities about telephone messages.

Such fun!

I have three good books waiting for my devoted attention this evening.
All good, escape reading.

escape is good...

may tomorrow's reality be better than today's.

Hey Noddy.

Is it snowing there?

Can you remain snowed in for a little longer just to get a little more "you" time. Mr. Noddy is safe where he is - so, I hope that tonite you are reading your books and indulging in letting your Dominion just rest by your side for a few hours.

It sounds as tho it's going to be a "long icy road" ahead - with a few more stumbles along the way.

Rest up tonight.

Hold Your Dominion tomorrow.

Sending well wishes to Mr. Noddy and many good wishes to you.

Take Care.

Izzie

Here I am catching up again on problems that seem to go on forever, with just a few breaks for the caregivers.

Noddy, I'm with the others who suggest being snowed in for a little longer. Your dominion will be snowed in with you, so that you can keep holding on without the constant, often inane challenge of Mr. Noddy.

Walter, wonderful that you got to go on a wonderful holiday. Where have you posted pics? Dys told me about them as did osso, but I haven't thought to go back to look and now my memory has gone AWOL.

My thoughts and good wishes go out to you both. Thank heaven there are so many good people in this world. The two of you lead the pack.

I hope that the reading break will last some time, Noddy!

--------

The link, Diane.

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In the meantime, we've been with mother to her (and Mrs Walter's) favourite barber's - more than 30 mins driving there.
Didn't come out worse than it had been the last couple of months.

Aunt doesn't want to speak with me since I've came "with that woman" (the one who did the examination for the nursing insurance).
I can live with that, as can the nurses - she doesn't talk a lot anyway.


Mother reduced her visit at aunt a bit - seems, this is going to be regulated "by nature".

(Genrally, nurses and staff in the home are wondering about the likelihood of my predictions occuring, but they neither know those two since 59 years nor had such a frequent over the last couple of years .....)

Walter--

Eventually, a good prophet earns a rep for reliability. Meanwhile, I can appreciate your peace of mind with both your mother and your aunt under professional care.

JPB, Izzie, Diane--

You are a much appreciated cheering section.

No hospital today.

The Family Dog had tummy troubles and wanted the attention of her doorkeeper every two hours last night. Then I was afflicted with violent intestinal action and started popping generic Immodium.

Mirroring the physical purging, vile memories from the last 30 years have been surfacing and parading round and round my mind. I've started a relaxing routine, but I'm still having savage spasms of rabid reactions....

I'm going to try to keep my chiropractic appointment--my left foot is toeing out again and this interferes with my measured and stately gait. Then I'm stopping at the drugstore for more generic immodium and liquid bandaid.

Come April, if Mr. Noddy can be left, I'll spend some time in NYC. Arrangements are shaping up.

After my errands, I'll have tea, and toast and trashy novels. If the 50 degree temperatures materialize, perhaps a little stroll....or perhaps not. Right now this corner of my life is full of pleasant choices.

Believe me, I appreciate the A2K cheering section.

I'm so sorry that the family dog now insists on a little attention too - and that you are both suffering from "running". It really does all happen at the most inconvenient times - just when you could have a few minutes respite..... oh, here we go again, run.

As for the memories parading around and "trooping their colours" - well, yep, those hamsters keep spinning their wheels - incessant spinning which just keep snagging on the threads you have started to believe are neatly sewn up, then pulling them a little tighter and fraying them!

I'm wishing you a little peace - just to get the everyday "what is essential-to-do today" chores out of the way that are necessary for you. I hope the chiropractic appointment goes well - please be very careful in the ice - and on your return consign yourself to the sofa, have the loveliest hot cup of tea and purge on trashy novels to give the hamsters something else to think about. Take any pleasurable choices you can ... just because, for a little while, you can.

OH - by the way - just so you know, - your



in my humble opinion, your "stately gait" cannot be "measured" You walk tall and have strength whilst Holding Your Dominion. Much admiration to you for your inner strength and that which you give to others. (Chiropractor can assist with the "gait" - but you own the "dignified stately gait").

Hoping when you can settle down for tea and toast - the Doiminion can rest well on the floor beside you for a while longer (any maybe the phone can be switched off for a few hours a?)

Well wishes to you and Mr Noddy.

Izzie

Izzie--

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Because of my genetic bone weakness, I've probably spent ten years---in four separate installments--on crutches. I'm used to muttering, "slowly, slowly but with great dignity".

My left foot is now pointing forward again. Something has been accomplished. I'm trying to organize a shipment of trashy reading to my son and d-i-l. Like most of my book projects, this includes a certain amount of reshelving. Fortunately Mr. Noddy didn't put the ladder out of my reach the last time he used the ladder. I feel much more secure on the stepladder than on the kitchen stool.

Also, for some reason, the computer printer which had been out since Saturday is working again.

I'm resigned to inconvenient dogs and inconvenient memories. The dog eventually winds up on the proper side of the door and there is no need to dwell on bitter memories--particularly in daylight.

Thanks for the moral support.

Mental decline
Well, here it is again- no communication from A2K for at least ten days, so I'm going "manual" to see how everyone is. My goodness, Walter and Noddy have had lots to report.!



Noddy, I know just how you feel. I felt the same sense of freedom, even though I was upset and worried to death about Bob. I knew he was safe in Clark House. I suppose there are people who would say we are heartless, but the relief of knowing that all the things that had to be done and that I couldn't physically do, were being done with caring competence, even though by others, was a tremendous weight off my shoulders.

Walter - it's good that you see your situation with your ladies as a challenge and not just a terrible burden. There's no denying that it is a burden - that would be inexcusable denial. But the challenge to your professional skills must relieve some of the emotional strain, or at least distract from it. And I do hope your sister comes around and sees sense.

As for me - I have nothing to report. Life has been going along fairly smoothly; I've been practicing my piano with the greatest pleasure - I find that five-finger exercises do wonders to soothe my soul; maybe it's that the repetitive movements become a little hypnotic?

I've also signed up for a Hebrew class at our temple. I can follow along with the prayer book and the Bible, but reading Hebrew script has me buffaloed. So I'll be back to my youth, doing homework yet! I've blown a hunk of money on new jackets - my preferred outfit is dark pants and giddy jackets. Appleseed's (do any of you know Appleseed's?) has reversible ones, bright on one side and more restrained on the other, and with pockets on both sides - so six jackets for the price of three, really. Very good for cheering a person up.

TomKitten--

I'll admit to envying you your new beginnings--although you've earned every one of them. Five finger exercises and Hebrew lessons aren't my first choice of a future for me, but watching you make a future for yourself is both comforting and inspirational.

Today we'll find out what yesterday's bone scan showed. Mr. Noddy has finally recognized that his condition may be serious. He's an optomistic cuss by nature and since his mind started failing, he's completely ignored all aspects of personal mortality.

He thinks "Devil-May-Care". The Universe registers, "Damn fool."

Interestingly, nurses are more understanding than most of the doctors about the constant strain of dealing with a dementia patient.

For the most part my stepsons are not rallying round Dear Old Dad--and the thought that I could use some help on manly chores has not even entered their minds.

Believe me, I'd like a little help and sympathy, but take comfort that they are not in the way.

So I've spend three hours with the court clerk this morning ...

Well, she's been very nice and sympathetic - but the law is the law, and the court's duty isn't to act as mediator in family affairs. :wink:

I gave her as much background information as possible, always trying to be as objective as possible.

Basicly, all goes on as before ... with the big difference that I have to prove any cent I've spend in mother's name (well, that was obvious already all the time).
Since mother has an account with quite a bit of my money in it as well, here the court clerk will ask the judge to decide: might be, I'll get an official "assistant legal guardian" just for sorting this out.

My sister now can send an handwritten letter with ID-card copy, telling the court that she agrees in everything going on as before. (Nevertheless she'll have to tell this personally some time in future.)
The court clerk will interview mother to see if it is really her wish that all goes on as before.

If my sister doesn't sign that notice (or if mother should make the impresion that wants all and everything to be dold now), the court will hire a professional (or more, due to various kind of antiques, books, paintings etc) ...
The court clerk doubts, however, that any professional legal guardian could do that - nor would do that, since they are paid fixed rated, per person, not by time they invest.

The court clerk wrote a three-page protocoll. A copy of that I've sent my sister already ...

Mental decline
Noddy - I wonder if doctors, who see a patient briefly and for only one problem at a time, see dementia more as an obstacle to the exercise of their particular expertise, whereas nurses, in longer and closer contact with a patient, see the whole picture, not separate bits to be considered (or not) individually.