Just to update you. Last Thursday my mother in law had another fall and was taken into hospital. She was there all weekend so she missed my daughter's wedding which was sad for her.
She's now deemed unfit to look after herself. She's being discharged this afternoon and we've organised for her to go to a nursing home.
It seems she had a urinary infection. Maybe once they've got that treated she'll start to eat and get a little stronger.
Up until a few months ago she acted and looked 80 rather than 91. Now she simply looks like every other little old lady.
Anybody that lives to be 91 who until recently looked and acted like 80 has much to be thankful for. According to actuaries, I will live 14.4 more years after I reach 70 in July. My only wish is that I remain healthy enough to care for myself until my demise. I also have a living will.
Tarah--
Nursing homes..... She may be your husband's mother, but in my experience it is the "lady" of the house who deals with Nursing Homes, no matter who is blood-kin to the Nursing Home Resident.
Ideally your m-i-l would be independent until her death. This isn't an ideal world. Is she going to the Nursing Home willingly--or doesn't she remember that she won't be going back to her own home?
How does your husband feel about this? How do you feel?
Hold your dominion.
Noddy, I feel very sorry for her. She's been independent for so long and then this awful weakness in mind and body has overtaken her. Being honest, I hope that she gets stronger and less-bloody minded and depressed but if she doesn't, I don't wish it on her or any of us to have her like this for many years.
However, much of it may be from the infection and hopefully she may get stronger once the antibiotics have worked.
She's becoming draining with my husband running to the hospital every day. This evening he took her to the nursing home but didn't stay too long as he thought it would have unsettled her. When he left she was still moaning but at the same time was eating chicken soup.
My younger daughter from America is here with the baby. Now mother in law is out of hospital we'll be able to take the baby to see her.
Tarah-hugs to you dear..this is tough, and usually the toughest part of it all. You go through so many things every day emotionally, spiritually, and its so physically draining and demanding on so many parts of the family who all react to it but, act out about it so differently it can make you feel crazy.
All I can say is that it takes time and adjustment for everyone involved. Once everyone can accept some greater part of it all, it gets better on the outside. Inside theres more to deal with but, its not all coming at you from all sides and ways so, its better.
Better is good.
Just takes time getting there.
All my best to you to take it in stride the best you all can~remember its all you can do.
I'm putting it down to stress, but in the last few weeks my husband seems unable to speak to me without a snide remark or sarcasm. Even to answer a simple question he's cold and withdrawn.
He knows I don't particularly like his mother and it's as though he's now blaming me.
We'll get through it I guess. But this is a time of so many changes and they're not all pleasant ones.
Oh, my, sorry to hear that, Tarah.
Tarah, When my wife's parent's lived with us, I tried to be supportive, because I know how much support she gave me early in our marriage. When finally only her mother lived with us, her mother would apologize to me for being a burden to us, and I would tell her that she wasn't, and was welcome to stay in our home as long as she wished. My wife's siblings really didn't do their share by taking them in to their homes. The irony of all this is the fact that my wife's parents were against her marrying me, because I didn't have a college education. Maybe, there's a lesson here.
Tarah--
My guess from many miles away (and without first hand information) is that your husband is feeling Mortal, Picked-Upon and Eternally Weary--hence the snappiness.
One of the most difficult aspects of your situation is that you have no idea how long it will continue--6 months? A year? Six years? This is very wearing.
Hold your dominion.
It's awful. The home she's now in have told us that she's doubly incontinent. She's been on anti-biotics for the urinary infection so I'm hoping that once these are out of her system she might buck up a little.
I told my husband that I'm not prepared to be the butt of his anger and frustration and I think he needed to hear that. Today he's been far better tempered and bought me a lovely bracelet, not as an apology but he simply wanted to please me which is nice.
We're going to visit her tomorrow evening so if I may, I'll report how she is.
Thank you everyone for your concern.
Tarah, Men are usually terrible at admitting wrong, but that bracelet speaks volumes. It's probably how most men apologize for their short-coming at critical junctures of our life.
Tarah - I hope your Sunday went well, and that tomorrow's visit isn't too difficult for everyone.
Tarah--
The bracelet means that his mother is dying--and that you don't have to be his mother. Rejoice.
We went to the home this evening. The people seemed reasonably well and some were quite jolly. My mother in law was sitting in the TV room when we arrived. Shockingly, we had to look carefully at each person before we recognised her. She always has her hair done and now it was straight and flat and she looked entirely different. The hairdresser is there on Wednesdays and I expect she'll get her hair done then.
She mainly complained about her ear and the doctor is coming tomorrow. Possibly if he sorts out that problem she will begin to settle down.
We'll have to see.
Tarah--
Your husband is having a lot of shocks lately, isn't he?
Since your m-i-l is growing increasingly frail, the effects of physical ailments will be increasingly conspicuous.
I have been up to my ears since the middle of March. My mother was hospitalized for CHF, then 3 weeks in a nursing home for rehab. I then put her in an ALF to help her recouperate. She fell there, and was back in the hospital, where they found that her blood oxygen level was very low.
Again, she was hospitalized for nearly a week.
She returned to the ALF. When I first put here there, I thought that it would be a temporary thing, until she more fully recovered from the traumas that she had. No way.
She is on oxygen 24/7 now. Her short term memory is just about gone, and her functioning has definitely deteriorated. This to me, was totally unexpected. I had always thought that she would remain the same way that she had been for the last few years.
I spoke with her doctor. We had never named the situation before, but he told me that she does have Alzheimer's disease. Apparently, for those who are familiar with the illness, she had been in Stage 4 for years, and is now in Stage 5. She needs to be watched to see that she eats properly, takes her meds, and uses her oxygen.
I am now in the middle of emptying out her condo, which belongs to me and my husband, so that we can put it up for sale. The problem is, that in her neighborhood, garage and estate sales are not allowed. I got some guy to buy some of her major pieces, but there is still a lot of stuff around, and I am exhausted dealing with it.
It took me quite a while to get used to this entire turn of events, but I think that I have a "handle" on it now.
Phoenix, how I feel for you.
Is your mother distressed or is she in her own world?
It must be frightful for you seeing her like that. I know how my husband feels. His mother still recognises him but on Saturday didn't know his brother.
It's a terrible time when the quality of life deteriorates.
Like fbaezer, I send you hugs.
Phoenix--
You know you have my sympathy.
As for the contents of the condo, call an Auction House. They should be listed in the Yellow Pages of the phonebook. Or check with a social worker at the nursing home--you wouldn't be the first family member with this problem.
Does your mother accept her new address? Does she notice?
